This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Suffolk_lass

Baileys_Babe said:

apple_muncher said:

Could you also take a photo of what he has written down, just so he can't rewrite it with edits...?

Or even ask him to send you a photo of it so you can make sure you haven't forgotten anything 😉

That's what I was going to say too, both of you!

Watty1

You lot are brilliant. The photo idea is inspired.  I am going to save that for next time should there be one.

Sadly I fear there may not another chance because he has lost his notes.  (are any of you surprised?)  We have now had a letter from his solicitor accepting my highest offer with a very long overage. I tackled him about this today directly saying he had just run up yet another pointless legal bill for both of us as my response was "unprintable" but I assumed the legal folk would think of a way to write "stick it" that would cost around a £1000.  I pointed out he knew the deal was big money up front and a short land deal or low money and a long land deal.   He has to decide what he wants, the cash or to gamble.  He says he wants both, couldn't remember the detail and lost his notes so asked his team to write with what he thought I meant.  Geesh!

I completely lost my temper. (think volcano erupting)  I did not handle the situation well at all.   I have however forgiven myself for losing my temper and moved on.    Have drafted a response I want my solicitor to send setting out the few salient facts on the proposed land deal that he has overlooked and mislead his solicitor on.   At least I was able to correct the facts.

And so we go round again.

Alchemilla

What an autoeroticist.

Karmacat

Alchemilla said:

What an autoeroticist.

Yep.  Very disturbing, the way he's playing you, Watty, this is awful, and he's so brazen with it  

daisy_1571

Watty1 said:

I realise I easily get drawn into a conversation which reminds what a nice chap he is and I fall down a rabbit hole of that only to finally come back out in the daylight and realise I'm still in a mess with someone who wont settle and is not being nice.  It really messes my head up which is why I avoid him whenever possible.

Watty i don't mean this to be harsh but please please please get out of this habit.  Talk to him by all means, as you must, but you simply cannot get drawn into thinking the veneer is real.  After all this completely unnecessary stalling and prevarication and lying and cruel behaviour over the last few years please try to keep that in mind every time you talk to him. 

I reckon never believe anything he says, that was brilliant you got him to write it down but I so wish you'd thought to photograph it.  Please try to do that in future.  Or leave ur phone lying on the desk on record when talking to him and immediately forward the recording on to another phone so u have the record even if he was to delete it from ur phone. I would say only believe the things you have written down in the lawyers letters you get.  Thats what he's telling them, don't believe this rubbish about them getting it wrong.  

I wish I could persuade you that it is worth getting yourself away from the house.  It might seem like a hassle to move everything but while you are still trying to get the house you are tied in to his timescales plus you surely will never be free as is he not likely to still drop in even once you own it?   Once you were away and free of this anxiety for a few weeks I think it would let you look at the situation with a clearer mindset.  

I only write this with your best interests at heart.  I read a book called The other Mrs Jordan many years ago and it opened my eyes to the behaviour of the true psychopath who can look you in the eye and lie to you.  Cos remember whilst he's being 'lovely' on the phone to his girlfriend HES LYING TO HER TOO.  RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!  Remember he told her you were being awkward or whatever it was you overheard last year.  Go back and reread your diary whenever you feel confused about whether he's a nice person.  He isn't.  He's an absolute 'see you next Tuesday'.  He's admitted shafting you about money and your own possessions because he's got to look out for himself.  Thats what is always going to be his motivation.   Himself.  Please remember that.

Please take care of yourself watty xxxxx

Watty1

Wise words @daisy_1571

I think I've even read that book.

Thought provoking. Made me realise what a mess I'm in in so many ways

Humdinger1

@Watty1 you see mess but we see splendid courage and grip.  How would a wonderful human being like you ever guess the depths to which ex could sink? You know now and can act accordingly.  I do understand how hard it can be; my flake of an exh is married to a toxic loon who resents any money or time spent on our child; and looks to me for support.   He walked off 12 years ago saying I'd ruined his life. I'm nice because well why not I'm happy with my 2nd husband.  Save that watty for when all the negotiations are done, if I might make a suggestion? Love Humdinger xx 

FloppyDisk

Watty1 said:

I completely lost my temper. (think volcano erupting) 

I think you should do this more often 

daisy_1571

Humdinger1 said:

@Watty1 you see mess but we see splendid courage and grip.  How would a wonderful human being like you ever guess the depths to which ex could sink? You know now and can act accordingly.  I do understand how hard it can be; my flake of an exh is married to a toxic loon who resents any money or time spent on our child; and looks to me for support.   He walked off 12 years ago saying I'd ruined his life. I'm nice because well why not I'm happy with my 2nd husband.  Save that watty for when all the negotiations are done, if I might make a suggestion? Love Humdinger xx 

Agreed, I think ur doing amazing in very trying circumstances.  I agree that nice people cant comprehend and give the benefit of the doubt when they come up against people acting in a way alien to our own ways.  I think 'bad' people see this as weakness but I see it as our strength.  We can sleep at night knowing how we walk through the world.  I agree humdinger, 'I'm not changing myself to their level, I will continue to look for the good'.  Dont let this experience change ur viewpoint of everyone watty......just him   

We are all here to support you xxx

Alchemilla

Sending love and support @Watty1