This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Chrystal

Sounds as though this man is playing with you, like a cat with a mouse, and probably having as much fun as the cat does.
Seems as though his only purpose is to upset you as much as he possibly can, whilst at the same time putting on a friendly face. (He's probably gloating as he sees you upset)
I wouldn't attempt to settle by paying him more.  Change solicitors and take it from there. At the same time learn to act!  Appear happy all the time he's around, laugh whilst on the phone - even if you're pretending that someones on the other end!
OK so it's probably not going to be quick, but you'll walk away with your head held high, and not feeling as though you've been made a complete fool of.
Pull on your big girl pants - you can do this.  (((hugs))) 

Alchemilla

As my dear Mama remarked when I got divorced...it would have been cheaper to employ an assassin! 

Watty1

Alchemilla said:

As my dear Mama remarked when I got divorced...it would have been cheaper to employ an assassin! 

I think the guilt would be too much for me.  And its a one time only deal, something that the outcome can't be changed on. So I will decline.  Understand the sentiment though

Watty1

Chrystal said:

Sounds as though this man is playing with you, like a cat with a mouse, and probably having as much fun as the cat does.
Seems as though his only purpose is to upset you as much as he possibly can, whilst at the same time putting on a friendly face. (He's probably gloating as he sees you upset)
I wouldn't attempt to settle by paying him more.  Change solicitors and take it from there. At the same time learn to act!  Appear happy all the time he's around, laugh whilst on the phone - even if you're pretending that someones on the other end!
OK so it's probably not going to be quick, but you'll walk away with your head held high, and not feeling as though you've been made a complete fool of.
Pull on your big girl pants - you can do this.  (((hugs))) 

That is a good summary.  I mostly avoid him. I'm good at that now.   But yes, I do appear cheerful.  

Watty1

Had a lovely weekend which included a date with the VNM for breakfast at local cafe and on Sunday a trip to Saddlers Wells to see The Nutcraker (Mathew Bourne).  Gorgeous confection of camp and pink and fluffy.  Just the thing for the end of Jan.    A bottle of fizz, four glasses, the last two sandwiches and the last two pieces of cake all to be shared between the 4 of us were not the end to frugal January but I still had a fantastic time with friends.

And in other news a weekend of fun and calmness in my rented place (VNM popped in and looked after horses for me) gave me time to think.  I have mapped out a number of options ex can consider.   These do not involve me paying him more money other than one option but mostly seek to get me out of the mess in a way that I can accept and also by having options I do appear more reasonable in that I am putting forward solutions.     Now just got to meet him and explain them and see if he wants to move forwards or not.  Will plan that for sometime this week. No hurry on that front.

Watty1

And in other news reviewing frugalwoods ultra frugal January challenge.   I didn't have an ultra frugal January really.  I did however embrace the challenge of using up and clearing up and did have a think about my spending as in what stays and what can be cut.   My "can be cut" list was smaller than I expected although I see that somethings will be cut when I am free of my current situation.  Perhaps I am justifying the expenditure but I'll live with that. 
Spending with friends stays because that is really important to me.  When I have a settled home it will change slightly in that I will cook with and for friends more.    Spending on me personally in terms of self care is staying for now as I feel better about myself and yes I do realise that it means I have to work more to keep the budget line in there but for now that is ok.  When I'm not feeling so buffeted by the ex I will probably cut this.  Currently I'm mainly using up products found in the clearing up stage.

Cafe's and coffee stay. Too much of a joy in my life to cut that (only using the village cafe).    On the frugal side I will keep a lot less food in the house (houses).  I've a freezer full of ready meals I've made which is great.   I'm keeping the recipe box once a week for now.   I could save money meal planning.  But for now it is a joy to have a box arrive with the food already sorted out and my cooking is improving and I'm eating better. Eating better is good for my mindset just now.  And I know when I don't have a plan I slip into tired and grabbing something on the way home because I can't be bothered.  Having little brown bags with the meal all in and I just have to cook is great and I'm buying meals for two so I have left overs the next day.    Win Win.

I think my frugal win was that I learnt a lot more about my spending habits and I had a good review of what I am doing.  It was really worth signing up for so thanks to whoever suggested the challenge.  (I can't remember whose thread I found it on)

Karmacat

You're right, watty, that's a lot of wins, good for you.  You kept your eye on the ball and analysed what you did and didn't, and what worked and didn't.  

Alchemilla

Sending good wishes and unflappable vibes.

I know you will feel the pain of this, Bigorse has ripped the side off her turnout rug.

Watty1

Alchemilla said:

Sending good wishes and unflappable vibes.

I know you will feel the pain of this, Bigorse has ripped the side off her turnout rug.

I do indeed.  Although I don't rug anymore.   Most Handsome has the coat of the a native.  Even with a simple bib and belly clip he does not need a rug.    Unflappable cob not in work so unclipped (and could do with shivering off calories to be honest).  Do you have somewhere local to repair?

LadyGnome

Watty I am glad you are looking after yourself and your interests at this time.  I agree common sense with money right now is good but you have enough on your plate to be trying manage too much frugality.  Yay! to the ballet and coffee & cake.

It might be worth thinking about putting your ideas on an email to the ex for him to think over in advance - because that way you don't look like you are trying to blindside him (when in fact what you are really doing is creating a written record of your reasonable attempts to settle).  That way if the worst comes to the worst and this does end up in court you can show that you have being making attempts to find a negotiated solution.