This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

"Last hurrah"  from solicitor has had to go to barrister for "a view and opinion".  Yet more expense. Someone recommended a new solicitor (thank you)  and I have also found one from a google search that has written a couple of blogs on working with controlling men.   (Interestingly her blog says every step I have tried will fail and lists why and I could tick the lot).   

 Am tired of haemorrhaging money to current firm but I will use them for this next stage as they already have most of the work done and I've done a lot of research myself now and am being more assertive.  I think to this point I just took their advice.  Now I see what we are really dealing with I am being very questioning along the lines of  "so what happens if ...."   "how will this work if he does xxx"   What is the next stage to enforce and so on  

Hence the delay whilst barristers view is sought, particularly as having read a few legal blogs on "without prejudice" I was much more questioning of their position and suggested we need to refer to his previous offers in an open agreement letter.   Hence the need to see barrister view apparently.

edinburgher

Sorry you're having to talk to solicitors so much Watty1!

I am not liking some of the suggestion from David Dimbleby that the TV Licence could be linked to Council Tax - that would be a disaster. I used the BBC to a) watch Covid briefings from the gummint and b) watch Covid briefings from the gummint! I would definitely not pay a penny more because I live in a nice area that forces us to economise in many ways to live here

Humdinger1

@Watty1 well done on asserting yourself.  You have a very clear view of the situation and what needs to be done.  It will be fascinating to hear what the barrister says, if you want to share it of course.  Sad to spend all this money but what I found in a similar situation was that it gave me clarity.  That was so valuable in the horrible situation and gave me a vision to steer by that was informed by me as well as a legal expert; finding my voice kept me sane and determined. We're all here cheering you on.  Love Humdinger xx 

LadyGnome

Hello Watty I have been catching up over the last few days and I am sorry to hear what you've been going through.  I know some of my litigation lawyer friends feel without prejudice is used far too much.  If he has made an offer directly to you then, if your barrister thinks it is a good idea, you may be able to raise it in open correspondence.  This potentially allows you to show to the court that you have been attempting to act reasonably and negotiate with him based on his offers but he has been stonewalling.

My guess is that there is no point in you having discussions with him directly.  It gives him the power to play games because you need something from him.  You may have to find a way of sitting it out and not reacting until he gets bored.  It may be a case of repeating "I've referred the matter to my solicitor" and "You and your solicitor are aware of what I have offered etc."

Very best of luck

Alchemilla

@LadyGnome has good advice about making yourself very boring if he tries to engage unhelpfully. 

Watty1

Great comments from @Humdinger1 and @LadyGnome   Oddly the ex avoids discussing anything with me at all and if he does speak to me does so as if were friends.   I think he is content to just let the situation run.  After all he has a house of his own to go to every day he is not working, he returns to the cottage to eat and sleep thus scuppering any attempt to force the sale of the cottage (apparently judge's do not like to make people homeless even if they have other homes !!) and has fixed it so I have to pay the majority of the bills at the cottage.  He knows I'm reluctant to move the horses again on the grounds of cost and also Most Handsome did not settle.   And he knows I am reluctant to face the upheaval that moving my office and company will bring about.
So in short he knows I'm miserable and struggling and he appears contented.

I think he will just let this situation run and run.   Hence my last hurrah and then leave it.  Still waiting for barrister - more to follow hopefully very soon.

Karmacat

Watty, I don't know how you cope as well as you do with his attitude - it sounds like you need to make a Victim Impact Statement or something, the way he's treating you.  I know it's probably not possible for it to be considered legally, but honestly ... he's being horrible in all sorts of ways  

Alchemilla

Yeah I would like a Tales of the unexpected/Black Mirror kind of karma for him where everyone he meets in the future treats him like he's treated Watty.

Watty1

Consider the barrister and solicitor total waste of time.   The barrister advised the solicitor on writing an open letter that could be used in court.  The solicitor sent it to me.  I rang and said it was a dreadful letter and the point had been missed entirely..  I re-wrote the letter and pointed out I had said all threat of litigation was off the table in October so why in January was the woman still threatening it?     A point she failed to answer.  

I emailed my letter explaining I was not a lawyer and she could tidy it up by all means but my instruction had clearly been to be humble, conciliatory and let him "think he had won".  I emphasised my point by using an example that I hoped she might get bearing in mind the current situation in the world by explaining one only threatens war when one's tanks are on the borders.  One does not threaten war when one's only tank has broken down some miles from the border, has run out of fuel, there are no big guns and the cavalry are not in sight.

She didn't respond (sigh) but then at the 11th hour, bearing in mind I am now firing this team, she rings to say the ex has made an offer.  Drumroll.  I said accept.  Its way more money than I want to pay but just accept.   

Only to discover that he has changed the terms of the land agreement to 20 years from the 10 we had agreed. This means i cannot sell for development without him gaining half for over 20 years and cannot sell the house with a development clause on for me personally because I can't see anyone will buy the house with a 100% development clause on it.  (As building land it is worth a lot more than grazing land)

Why can the man just not stick to his word?   Rhetorical question obviously

He had also made some amendments to the land agreement.     I am thinking over what to do.  At this point I am inclined to offer less money if he wants a 20 year agreement but more money than he has asked if he sticks to the terms we agreed.

As for finding the money I will think of something.  I am certain I will. 

edinburgher

What a palaver Watty1 - you will be well shot of him once you manage to resolve the practicalities!