This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Alchemilla

@Watty1 not very MSE but ordered her a new one *hangs head in shame*

@LadyGnome I think MrW needs to be given as little attention as possible so that his antics are unrewarding and he finds something else stupid to do (preferably somewhere else).

LadyGnome

Alchemilla I don't disagree.  I think a variation on the grey rock technique might be helpful where he is given just enough of a response that it isn't obviously rude but doesn't give him any additional entertainment or useful information.

I also do think that any offers to settle, even informal ones, need to be put in writing even if its just a quick neutral harmless looking email.  

Alchemilla

LadyGnome said:

Alchemilla I don't disagree.  I think a variation on the grey rock technique might be helpful where he is given just enough of a response that it isn't obviously rude but doesn't give him any additional entertainment or useful information.

I also do think that any offers to settle, even informal ones, need to be put in writing even if its just a quick neutral harmless looking email.  

Love that expression "the grey rock technique". Captain Awkward?

LadyGnome

Its a technique developed for dealing with narcissistic people
What Is the Grey Rock Method? (e-counseling.com)

Watty1

Interesting stuff on the Grey Rock method @LadyGnome  I heard the phrase a few days ago and now I've read that link interesting.     

I realise I easily get drawn into a conversation which reminds what a nice chap he is and I fall down a rabbit hole of that only to finally come back out in the daylight and realise I'm still in a mess with someone who wont settle and is not being nice.  It really messes my head up which is why I avoid him whenever possible.

I'm really wary of writing anything down for him.  I am scared that if I make one mistake he will exploit that and things will get worse rather than better.  So for the talk I said I would outline a number of options. He asked me to write them down and I said no you can write them down yourself.    I then waited while he got paper and pen and I outlined the options and told him to make notes.  At the end I said read the proposals you have written down and confirmed they matched what I had said.

This way it is in his writing and I feel better about this.  I've been caught too many times by the lack of evidence of what he said. My solicitor has always said if he says and means it he will write it down and give it to me and we can use it. My concern was he might use what I say against me in someway. If he writes it down it just seemed safer to me.

Alchemilla

That was an interesting read.

Karmacat

Watty, that's a great way of getting things in writing, very original.

LadyGnome

I agree with Karmacat that your approach is really good.  The key thing is a written record and arguably it's better if its in his handwriting as it will be much harder for him to row back from it later.

apple_muncher

Could you also take a photo of what he has written down, just so he can't rewrite it with edits...?

Baileys_Babe

apple_muncher said:

Could you also take a photo of what he has written down, just so he can't rewrite it with edits...?

Or even ask him to send you a photo of it so you can make sure you haven't forgotten anything 😉