Diary of a home owner wannabe (my 6 year journey)

Secret_Saving_Squirrel

Hello,

May I ask why your oh doesn't contribute? My oh isn't working at present so I am the only breadwinner and some of my friends see this as outrageous, but I know that if the boot were on the other foot he would be happy to support me, so have no problem with it.

I think that you are doing brilliantly, especially in the face of living with growing teenagers. I still remember the size of the shopping bill when mine were at home!

Squirrel x

pennyforthepot

Secret_Saving_Squirrel wrote: »

Hello,

May I ask why your oh doesn't contribute? My oh isn't working at present so I am the only breadwinner and some of my friends see this as outrageous, but I know that if the boot were on the other foot he would be happy to support me, so have no problem with it.

I think that you are doing brilliantly, especially in the face of living with growing teenagers. I still remember the size of the shopping bill when mine were at home!

Squirrel x

HI Squirrel - an interesting point that you raise - there is no straightforward answer unless you have an hour or so for me to explain!

If my DH had been made redundant or was on a low wage I would not have a problem and would be happy to financially support the family, although it would have to be on my terms on how we allocated that money.

DH chose to take a small pay off from his job nearly two years ago, as neither he or his employer were happy with the situation. DH is highly creative and a very intelligent person but with that comes a lack of focus, intolerance of authority and a temper sometimes not appropriate in an office environment (he has a history of holding many jobs but not for a very long time). I fully supported him and the decision was made to set up a company and work from home. I agreed that I would cover the costs of all financials with a view to reviewing the situation after one year (we are almost two years down the line now and I still cover all the costs). DH draws a small salary from the company just below the tax threshold. The problem is that he lacks the motivation to bring in the business so we are only just covering the cost of running it. Also if DH has £5 in his pocket he will spend £6 and I have spent the last 4 years getting his financials back on track.This generally means that his ability to save is zero so when there are events like his son's 18th I typically have to cover all the costs. I am more than happy to cover a majority of the costs within the house but I do sometimes resent the fact that the salary he gets from the company seems to disappear through his fingers despite the fact that he has no financial commitments when I barely have anything left for myself because I have to try and save for a future where there will be very limited income.

This isn't meant to be a rant - I love my DH dearly but sometimes, just sometimes I wish he knew how to save and budget!!

PFTP x

pennyforthepot

We had a bit of a dilemma occur yesterday when we discovered via an email that when DSS2 went to Cambridge with his girlfriend and friends they caused £375 worth of damage to the house they rented - mainly spillages on the carpet and the general mess that was left behind. I was pretty shocked at the email we received from the landlord as DSS2 and his girlfriend are very responsible. It appears that there were 15 of them staying in the house and there was a lot of alcohol involved. Although I know that DSS2 and his girlfriend tried to keep things under control and spent some time cleaning up before they left they have to take responsibility for what they have done. DH has told him that he can't have his 18th birthday party anymore - as much because we can't trust his friends not to cause any damage to the house particularly as it is rented. It's a difficult call as we don't want to ruin his 18th but they have to recognise that there are consequences to what has happened. DH is going to talk to him again today to see if there is an alternative solution :eek:

Failed on my sugar abstinence yesterday - due to the stress of it all so only managed 4 days. Back on it today though and I did manage a run this morning!

Off to do some decluttering today

PFTP x

Dobbibill

pennyforthepot wrote: »

Also if DH has £5 in his pocket he will spend £6 and I have spent the last 4 years getting his financials back on track.This generally means that his ability to save is zero

This isn't meant to be a rant - I love my DH dearly but sometimes, just sometimes I wish he knew how to save and budget!!

PFTP x

I can relate so much to this comment. Our situation is slightly different though in that my DH does work and contribute 50/50 to bills/groceries/Christmas etc but only because I tell him how much of his pay to transfer to 'x' acc, he is then left with spending money. :money:
Honestly he has no idea how much all the bills come to and will spend, spend, spend. He very often says we should do this or that to the house and when I tell him to save for it he changes the subject.


As you say above though, this is not a rant either, it's just amazing how similar my DH is to yours with the thought and ability to save. Good job we are there to guide them along


DB

Secret_Saving_Squirrel

Thanks for sharing, Penny. I can see that your situation must be frustrating at times. However, it seems as if you have everything under control and you can ensure that there will be no financial disasters. You have a very realistic view which must help a lot!

My oh has been to sign in for the first time and he hated it so much that I think the job seeking will move up a gear now....

pennyforthepot

Thanks guys - it's not always easy when your OH doesn't necessarily follow your beliefs but mine adds plenty of other positives to our relationship I think it is very hard for a man to accept the help of others, particularly when it comes to signing on. There is an inbuilt pride that seems to get knocked, more so with men than women. I hope that he finds the work that he wants soon Squirrel.

I've had a torrid few days recently not helped by a distinct lack of sleep. Feeling a bit better today though. DS and DD went off to France with their dad and family on Thursday. Poor DD has been feeling really anxious about going as she feels a bit of an outsider in their family. It's so difficult to reassure her as she has two small half sisters on her dad's side who need a lot of time and attention which means her dad who also works really long hours is not always able to spend quality time with her. I think she sees the relationship that he has with her half sisters and it reminds her constantly that her dad wasn't around for her at that age. He's very aware of it and trying hard to spend time with her to build their relationship but it isn't easy. She spent Thursday night on the phone to me in tears begging me to pick her up because she missed me so much. Its heart breaking to hear her cry but I know that it would be the wrong thing for me to do. I have promised her that if she is still really upset that I will go and pick her up from France - next week could be an expensive one! What to do?

On top of that DSS2 got his AS results on the same day. He's an extremely bright person and got top marks for his GCSEs but he has a tendency to be lazy and has not put the effort into his A levels. He was expected to As and Bs but got Bs C and D. Although the grades are ok it means that he has to rethink the universities he applies to for next year. Luckily I was out decorating but DH went ballistic with him - as much for his attitude towards his what he got. On top of that his ex wife told DH that she was disappointed with DH because it was his responsibility to make sure that their son worked hard! Let me tell you this didn't go down well, they don't have a good relationship at the best of time!!! All calm now and DSS2 has promised to work harder next year - lets see. He's gone off on holiday with his mum for a couple of weeks which is probably a good thing!

Good news is that I have managed to get myself another client for my cleaning work. A good friend of mine who runs her own cookery school from home who's cleaner has left so I am going to take over - and she is looking for a few days a week!

I need to spend a couple of days giving the house a really good clean whilst the kids are away and write a list of all the things I need to get done including the business accounts which are still sat on my dining room table untouched. I will need to be super organisied if I am going to take on more work.

Off for a bath and a bit of relaxation time

PFTP x

pennyforthepot

DD appears to be holding up but is still feeling really sad and wants to come home. I'm just hoping she will hold out till the end of the holiday.

I spent a couple of hours with a friend's 93 year old mother yesterday as they have gone away and asked if I would make her lunch and dinner and spend a bit of time with her. She is such a dignified old lady and it was a pleasure to spend the time with her.

Went out for lunch with DH as he's a little down after dealing with his son's results and he is also having to be an emotional rock for his eldest who is hating his job and desperate to find a way to get out of it and find another one. This has meant daily phone calls to DH for about 6 weeks now - draining for him but he's very supportive. (£26!)

I can't believe how chilly it's been over the last few days - I resorted to putting the electric heater on for a few hours the other night and snuggling up under a blanket - bring back our summer please :eek:

My 'every penny counts' challenge the other week was a total failure - my motivation is rather lacking at the moment so rather than beat myself up I am going to put it off until September.

Off to visit my family this afternoon. My step-dad has just come out of hospital after a major operation. I need to pop down to Mr T to use my fuel vouchers for the month as we have a couple of hundred miles to do. Must get some oil as well as I think its a tad low. Really need to take the car to the garage as the tyre pressure keeps on going down- wondering if I have a slow puncture. I have a feeling the problem lies with the wheel rather than the tyre as I keep having to replace it despite not doing that many miles.

Daily Food Budget:£6.57

TO DO LIST:

• [STRIKE]Mr T[/STRIKE]
• [STRIKE]clean oven[/STRIKE]
• clean downstairs toilet
• [STRIKE]vacuum[/STRIKE] and clean playroom
• [STRIKE]go and see my family [/STRIKE]

Enjoy your Sunday

PFTP x

WhiteSnowdrop

Congratulations on the new client, every penny counts. You sound so busy at the moment I hope you are able to find a bit of time to relax today as well.

WS

pennyforthepot

WhiteSnowdrop wrote: »

Congratulations on the new client, every penny counts. You sound so busy at the moment I hope you are able to find a bit of time to relax today as well.

WS

Thanks WhiteSnowdrop - You're right I do need to relax - so I spent a couple of hours reading on the sofa

PFTP x

pennyforthepot

Had a lovely time at my mums yesterday afternoon - all the family came over with the kids, shame mine weren't there. We always end up rolling on the floor with laughter - just what I needed (oh and the Sunday roast ).

Made the mistake of sending DD photos of everyone which made her sad so I promised that we would go back up when she got back.Still hoping that she will hold out for the full holiday though I think DH is hoping to grab a couple of days holiday over in France!

First day with my new client today - looking forward to a change of scene. The money I get for it should bring me up to my August savings target too

Received my breakages deposit back from the holiday which was much needed and will pay for the hotel for the wedding weekend in September.

Daily Food Budget: £6.57

PFTP x