Big arguements and new pregnancy

neverdespairgirl

Suz, being in early pregnancy is an emotional rollercoaster at the best of times, tiredness, the "oh God I'm going to have a baby!", sickness, all the rest of it.

It's not the ideal time to have to sit down and think about what you want in life, where you're going, and how you're going to get there. But it's something a lot of have to do at the time, anyway.

You need to think things through, carefully and thoroughly.

I'm concerned that you were posting about being £40k in debt a couple of weeks ago, wanting to move "home", I presume to your parents, and talking about having been on anti-depressants for a while, and not getting on well with your OH.

Then you talked about maybe being pregnant, and it appeared that this was a planned baby, you and OH both wanted.

Now you are posting about the difficulties in your life - living with his parents, not having an income, not being happy about how your OH is behaving, feeling cut off from your friends and family, and not being able to get around easily.

You need to sit down, by yourself, or with your Mum / sister / best mate / etc and work out where you want to be in 1 / 2 / 5 years time, and how you are going to get there.

As you've previously suffered from depression, perhaps an urgent first step might be to make an appointment with your GP?

Don't panic, there is help and support out there.

paulineb_2

Suz24 wrote: »

We havent told his parents yet but i think they suspect it cos i have been so sickly and not going to work with him.

Im going to see my mum and dad next week and i think im going to tell my mum.

I need to make my appointment with the midwife and book my scan but i need to either do it here where i am at the mo or do it at my registered doctors at home. This is causing massive arguements too.

I also have some of my own financial stress so i need to try and get that sorted too.

After i have had the baby he is expecting me to be back out to work for him pretty soon, going to see him at sites etc with the baby with me which im not too happy about.

He went to the wholesalers and bought some of the drinks and food that i have been wanting yesterday which was a lovely thought but now doesn't have much money left til he gets paid again from a job. Sometimes i feel like im being really ungrateful

I am trying to get hold of my sister as i want to speak to her about the pregnancy, she is very level headed and about as honest as they come.

I feel so emotional, i dont know if im coming or going

Fgs get an appointment booked with the midwife, you might not have the option of doing it anywhere else than at the place you are registered with.

And how about this " I want to take a decent amount of maternity leave, I should get maternity allowance from the government if I havent paid enough NI contributions for you to pay me mat pay and with the saving you make on paying me my wages you can pay to get someone else in to cover my mat leave"

Worrying about showing your baby off is the least of your worries right now, you need to make some decisions and soon

And if things really are that stressful, get back to your parents for a week or two, even if its just to sort out the medical appointments

All this stress is not good for your unborn child.

poet123

princessdon wrote: »

It takes 2 to make and create a baby,how did OP think she was going to support the arrival? At some point during their plans to create a life given the nature if their work this must have reared its head.

It's normal to discuss how long on maternity, when to return to work, need to SAH, work PT or FT. It's a natural process.

I am not sure what your point is here.

Yes, it does take two, and to be blunt it sounds as if the OP has made an error of judgement doing that with this man. So, what now? Does she lie in the bed she made? Or does she take stock and take back her life? What would you advising your daughter to do if she had written the OP?

princessdon

paulineb wrote: »

If she doesnt get maternity pay, she should get maternity allowance, a colleague of mine who worked part time wasnt paid mat pay by her employer but she did get maternity allowance, in fact, she got more money than she would have if shed been paid by our then bosses.

Yes hence her being SE and paying class 2 NI.

paulineb_2

princessdon wrote: »

It takes 2 to make and create a baby,how did OP think she was going to support the arrival? At some point during their plans to create a life given the nature if their work this must have reared its head.

It's normal to discuss how long on maternity, when to return to work, need to SAH, work PT or FT. It's a natural process.

A natural process if you are in a supportive relationship perhaps, one where you dont get yelled at or the silent treatment all the time.

pinkladyof66

Not very much thought has gone into this planned pregnancy...

op not having a proper job with any chance of maternity benefits from an employer, partners business not doing good...

And living with inlaws..

I am sorry but this sounds like a recipe for disaster.. either your partner mans up and you sort all this mess out or you are better going back home to your parents and going it alone...

Feel very sorry for this unarrived baby

princessdon

poet123 wrote: »

I am not sure what your point is here.

Yes, it does take two, and to be blunt it sounds as if the OP has made an error of judgement doing that with this man. So, what now? Does she lie in the bed she made? Or does she take stock and take back her life? What would you advising your daughter to do if she had written the OP?

I'd be advising her to work out how SHE is going to support her child. Ie getting a job, laying all the blame at the feet of someone whose side we haven't had doesn't sit with me.

OP knew they are broke, she knew her role in the business etc, the issues of control are separate, but OP has a lot of priorities wrong and as a soon to be mother, she needs to address these.

paulineb_2

princessdon wrote: »

Yes hence her being SE and paying class 2 NI.

My colleague wasnt paying any NI as she didnt work enough hours to get a pension credit. But she got maternity allowance from the Govt

Not everyone who is self employed pays class 2 NI either, you can get an exemption if you earn below a certain amount.

Im not sure what the OP's situation, shes said that shes self employed but Im not sure that shes paying NI contributions or whether her partner is paying them for her (which is why I assume the issue was raised in a previous post).

My earlier post was just to say if someone hasnt paid enough NI, they should qualify for mat allowance from the Govt.

But of course its something else for the OP to think about, because once this baby is born, if her partner isnt paying class 2 for himself and herself, they should think about doing it as it all counts towards the state pension

However with the relationship as fragile as it is, I wonder how that conversation would go.

princessdon

paulineb wrote: »

A natural process if you are in a supportive relationship perhaps, one where you dont get yelled at or the silent treatment all the time.

It's natural enough to plan a child but asking about maternity leafe means being yelled at?

paulineb_2

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

Not very much thought has gone into this planned pregnancy...

op not having a proper job with any chance of maternity benefits from an employer, partners business not doing good...

And living with inlaws..

I am sorry but this sounds like a recipe for disaster.. either your partner mans up and you sort all this mess out or you are better going back home to your parents and going it alone...

Feel very sorry for this unarrived baby

Well even the most difficult situations can work out in the end. My mum had me at 19 while she was at university, she was married but the marriage didnt last long.

If someone is ready to be a parent or even if they maybe arent ready and circumstances arent ideal, if you need to make a life for you and your kid with nil input or limited input from the dad, thats just the way it is for some families

I do agree having a child when you are in a ton of debt isnt the best idea, but sometimes people get pregnant in circumstances that are far from ideal

Its how the OP and her partner deal with this going forward that matters now.