Can't stand my inlaws!

MrsAtobe

Anon234 wrote: »

I agree, but until his parents started on about how unruly and badly behaved my eldest is ( she's not) he was fine with her, they got on brilliantly. His mother has convinced him she is the spawn of satan

is he a man or a mouse?

I'm not normally one to say this, but I'd be planning to be out of the relationship as soon as I could, and I speak as someone who was badly damaged by my parents' acrimonious divorce. Unless you can undo the damage done by his mother, that is, and good luck with that.

I wish you all the best, whatever you decide to do, I do appreciate that we only have your side of the story in a time of stress. Please take care of yourself and your two children.

ifonlyitwaseasier

Anon234 wrote: »

When his parents visited after the birth of my youngest, all the did was find fault with her, constantly to the point I removed her from there and took her home.
Up until then he had been fine, now anything that goes wrong is her fault. I'm stressed and bad tempered because of all the rows, he told her it was her fault, look what your doing to your mother ( I told her he was wrong)

I have very high blood pressure, he told her, if you carrying on behaving like an idiot you'll kill your mum.

As for the question where do I want this to go, I want a family unit. Not me and my dd versus him and his. It's a battleground and it's not a battle anyone is going to win

just read the bolded back to yourself, thats basically child abuse!

lowlitmemory

I've been reading this thread and each page seems to be getting worse and worse...

What your husband has said about your little girl is despicable (calling her !!!!!!, accusing her of being the reason your youngest can't see his parents, etc). I don't care if it was said in anger or whatever. That is disgusting behaviour from a grown man who should know better.

By staying, do you not see that you are only enabling further emotional abuse from this man? This goes far beyond a man not wanting to hear criticism about his parents. Do you really want your precious daughter to continue growing up in this toxic situation with a man who not only feels this way about her but voices his contempt? Who stands by and does nothing while his mother screams abuse at his post-partum wife? Who allows his mother to direct drama from hundreds of miles away at Christmas? Please, think about it.

Anon234

lowlitmemory wrote: »

I've been reading this thread and each page seems to be getting worse and worse...

What your husband has said about your little girl is despicable (calling her !!!!!!, accusing her of being the reason your youngest can't see his parents, etc). I don't care if it was said in anger or whatever. That is disgusting behaviour from a grown man who should know better.

By staying, do you not see that you are only enabling further emotional abuse from this man? This goes far beyond a man not wanting to hear criticism about his parents. Do you really want your precious daughter to continue growing up in this toxic situation with a man who not only feels this way about her but voices his contempt? Who stands by and does nothing while his mother screams abuse at his post-partum wife? Who allows his mother to direct drama from hundreds of miles away at Christmas? Please, think about it.

I am going to talk to him this evening whilst kids are in bed.

Thank you to all of you, it's not always so easy to see things clearly from the middle of the mess.

I shall see what response I get.

itsanne

Your thread started out with problems with your in-laws, but it's clear that there is much more than that.

Anon234 wrote: »

As for the question where do I want this to go, I want a family unit. Not me and my dd versus him and his.

I'm sorry, I truly am, but I can't see how that is going to happen.

I agree with Marisco - both you and your daughter are being emotionally abused.

How do you think your OH would react of he saw this thread? I realise you changed to a new name as he knows your usual one, but if he reads this he'll know it's you. Is there any way that actively showing him this thread, where you describe what happens calmly and he can see everyone's reactions, could be a bit of a wake up call? I can't think of anything else to suggest, other than the one thing you give the impression of trying to avoid.

nearlyrich

People who have not experienced abuse are unable to understand how we put up with what we do for so long, it becomes normal and you feel it's what you deserve. It's not normal and you don't deserve it look after yourself and your two girls x

samtoby

I had a terrible relationship with my ex mother in law. I was not married to ex OH though.

They insulted me continually about my father having mental health problems and when they didn't like something I did they would say it was because I grew up with out my Dad/ or there is mental health in my family.

They shouted at me to the extent they might as well have been spitting in my face.

They continually had excuses for their son my OH cheating on me and being difficult with our son.

Mine got so bad that I left and ever since I left they have never ever been nasty to me. I think it is partly because of a Police incident involving them and they were warned by the Police. Needless to say they send me Christmas cards with money in for me (still find that odd) and presents for DS. If I asked them for anything which I never do I know they would. It is almost like they have a new respect for me for leaving and going it alone.

Or that their son has had about 20 gf's since, got suspended from work and been in trouble with the local school for calling our son a bender because he doesn't like playing football.

I am glad all is ok now. Hate to say it but put up and shut up than moan about it. The less you object the more they will leave it.

I hope you work it out/ or a way forward.

Loz01

Good lord I can't believe you're letting grown adults bully your eldest child like that! :eek: tell them where to go!

meritaten

anon - is it worth putting up with all the abuse for the two weeks a year your evil MIL isn't putting her oar in?

I think I can guarantee that if you saw a family law solicitor and told them what you have told us - they would get you divorced in six months. it sounds like severe mental abuse.
This *man* is so far under his mothers thumb! he is not a man - he is mummys 'golden child'. (look up narcissism and golden child - he is a classic example).
I don't like to say this - but this marriage is as toxic as his parents. it can only damage you and the kids. either you gain control over your OH (and good luck with that), or you get out. stay, and in ten years time your problems will be ten times worse.

webtalk

I am sorry to say this, but I find your husband's behaviour far worse than that of your MIL.

To be blunt - from what you say (I am aware it is one-sided so possibly unfair on him) he is emotionally and verbally abusive and violent to your vulnerable older daughter and to you to a lesser extent.

He does not respect you and treats you badly.

On top of this he allows other people to do the same to you.

This is NOT a healthy environment for children.

Having said all of this, I actually also feel sorry for him in some ways because he is also clearly the product of a destructive and overpowering maternal relationship - abused and abuser rolled into one.

He is clearly choosing to maintain the toxic relationship with his mother - and choosing to remian a victim - and thereby choosing to perpetuate the abuse and violence towards your daughter and yourself by both himself and his mother (and father).

The question is ... are you going to allow him to continue to be verbally voilent and abusive towards your daughter - forget the MIL? What will happen as she matures?

The contents of this thread musr be terrifying for you because it is asking lots of difficult questions. I feel for you.

Having said all of the above - I could well be saying something different if I heard his side of things.