Relationship getting unbearable-need advice

Brighton_belle

"cooking for you"...that's with the food you pay for on the gas/elec hob you pay for and feeding himself at the same time ...how wonderful of him:rotfl:
OP, that's what normal people do in a relationship, share the bills AND take turns cooking. And mutually help each other out with vets visits etc.
You seem to be pleased with crumbs from the rich man's table of life.

This 'boy' won't change. You are going to need to make a choice. And if you choose to stay with him always be aware you are choosing an unfulfilled life with someone who doesn't cherish and value you, it isn't something horrid happening to you randomly.

Dating when you are young is a learning curve. You do not need to stay with the first boy you ever fell for as though it was 1950. It's ok to recognise he doesn't have to be evil/violent etc to feel justified in leaving him. It's ok to recognise he has some good qualities you like, to still see he does not offer what you want in a long term loving cherishing relationship.

DKLS

redrose9 wrote: »

He is all about getting job your passionate about but really in all the time I've known him he has done odds and sods of which now I am starting to resent him.

Thats a great way of avoiding work, whilst its great to be passionate about your work its very rare. In all my career I could count on one hand the number of people who truly love what they do for a living.

I have had to do all kinds of jobs over the years including some mind numbingly dull jobs where I would be praying for death by 5mins past 9 just to bring in the money. Its time for him to take a huge dose of MTFU, suck it up and get on with life.

Or you can carry him for a few more years until you get sick of carrying the additional weight of a boy in a mans body.

You are not responsible for his happiness.

southoftheriver

Why would he change when he as no reason to? He gets everything he wants between you and his parents. Stop playing the game.

victory

Tough love needed. He is responsible for himself, no one else, putting the blame on others, making them feel responsible for him and guilty for him is showing a lack of emotional understanding and plain childish, he needs to be let go, for him to see what it is like to stand on his own two feet , get a job, have a wage, pay the bills, put others firsts, life skills, he must find some.

LannieDuck

OP, I think there are some warning signs in this relationship, and honestly I would get rid asap.

He takes your money (rent, bills, food), and then criticises you for feeling you have to go to work in order to earn money... but doesn't want to get a job himself. He threatens to leave knowing full well that you'll stop him, and somehow he's convinced you that any hurt he causes his parents is your fault.

Sky_

Can you imagine being with this person, in this relationship, when you are 60 or older? Do you want to spend your whole life in this situation?

If not, the sooner you are out of it, the sooner you can both move on.

Dimey

redrose9 wrote: »

Yes you're right I shouldn't put up with it and have so long, I guess because I hold onto hope that things will become better. Plus many times, despite his lack of financial contribution he contributes in cooking for me or caring for my pet by taking to vet when I've been unable to due to being at work. So that's where I then try be patient. Last night we barely said two words and I left early this morning. Staying out way hoping we talk as need to sort stuff out. I appreciate not as many jobs out there but get annoyed when he starts criticising me on my job but as I said before I've been unhappy there for while so perhaps he feels I'm taking out on him. Been looking at other jobs in company but he says I'm looking at same admin jobs do ill just be unhappy as not following my passion but for me making reasonable wage is important as it allows me to look after me and my pets without worrying.

You could pay a housekeeper to do those tasks and be rid of the bad attitude.

I once had a house husband. He did all the domestic duties, cooking and DIY. He was very supportive of my career that earned the dosh. We respected each other as partners and were happy, each contributing to our little family unit in our different ways because we loved each other.

You don't have that love partnership and he certainly doesn't respect you so there's no point you hanging on, wasting time being used.

Red rose, have confidence in your philosophy. You are absolutely right to ensure you have a job to bring in regular income. That ensures you and your pets have a roof over your heads and food on the table. Everyone knows that's the right way to do things.

If you can find a better paid job all well and good. You do that while you work towards a career that you will enjoy doing as well as being the bread winner. It will take time but that's what you do while you're young. You work towards your goals, learning as you go. It makes sense to look for another job within the same organisation as you retain security of tenure, build a strong track record for your CV and build an experienced reputation for more promotions in the future.

Can you get to your ideal job within this current organisation?

mrbrightside842

If he chooses to sleep on the streets because he's too stubborn to patch things up with his parents, then that's his problem and not yours. You are not responsible for his actions.

redrose9

In terms of my job looking inside I don't know what it is I want to do and things at work has made me more anxious so just trying to find other admin role. I'm in my latter 30s as is he. I don't know many people who are doing their dream job either.

Right now I'm stressed with work on finding job inside company and dealing with bf who is volunteering and helping himself get better. Whilst I'm doing best to hold together I feel it's becoming difficult.

Hopefully some light end of tunnel. Thanks everyone for your support, I'm grateful my work philosophy is shared

kelpie35

You are both adults.

You take responsibility for all your commitments :j

You are not giving yourself enough credit for what you are doing regards work and earning money.

He has no respect for you and you do deserve respect.

He is only using you :eek: and the time has come for that to change.