Relationship getting unbearable-need advice

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Oh dear. There is one born every minute.

southoftheriver

I don't think people are saying anything you don't already know, but it he won't necessarily change just because you want him to. That means you need to change if you want things to move forward. For you, not for him.

coolcait

redrose9 wrote: »

I've been with bf for around 4yrs, before he lived with his parents then yr later moved in with me. He is all about getting job your passionate about
...

From what you write, you are describing a work-shy user/loser, with a good grasp of emotional manipulation.

He has said that he will move out. Let him go.

He is an adult. It is his responsibility to find somewhere to live. If he does not want to go to his parents, that is his choice.

If he has no money to pay for somewhere to live, that is something which he will have to deal with. Not you, not his parents.

He may find that he becomes passionate about doing any job at all, once he needs a salary to pay his own way, rather than sponging off his parents or off you.

Tell him "You said you would leave, and I would never see you again. I think that's probably for the best. You can have two weeks to gather up your own stuff, and make other arrangements, but you have to be out of this house by [date]".

If he says he has nowehere to go, tell him that's something he will have to sort out. Give him the Council's address, or Shelter, if you feel you have to do something.

But, it is not your problem if he has nowehere to go - in part because he has alienated you and his parents.

Let's see how long the alienation from his parents lasts once you kick him out!

It doesn't really sound as if you are in a relationship at all. It sounds like you are the host to a particularly nasty parasite.

Dimey

coolcait wrote: »

<<<<

It doesn't really sound as if you are in a relationship at all. It sounds like you are the host to a particularly nasty parasite.

Well said Coolcait

tinkerbell28

He's an adult, not a child. Be prepared for suicide threats if you turf him out. He's already started small scale, "I'll walk out and it will be your fault".

Those types always crank up the threats and guilt trips. Their actions are their responsibility, not yours. He'll carry on and on and on.

ilovelondontown

It's not mentioned how old he is if I didn't know better I'd say he was 15. In fact he sounds just like a boyfriend I had at 15. Word for word.

15 years later I hear through the grapevine he is exactly the same. Jumping from relationship to relationship, never holding on to a job and during a break up going back to mum and dad.

You need to make a decision, live with him and accept him the way he is now, or realise it is not for you and move on, it really is as simple as that.

BitterAndTwisted

He's blackmailing you with all this rubbish about sleeping on the streets. Of course he'll go back to his parents with his tail between his legs. How dare he use such terrible threats against the person who is feeding him and putting a roof over his head? Really, how bloody dare he?

I wouldn't put up with it and cannot see any reason why you should. Even if he's the love of your life he should be getting his backside out of the house and into a job, any job at all. Anyone with an ounce of pride would not allow someone else to support them in such a way. He is a parasite, and one with bare-faced cheek, too.

redrose9

Yes you're right I shouldn't put up with it and have so long, I guess because I hold onto hope that things will become better. Plus many times, despite his lack of financial contribution he contributes in cooking for me or caring for my pet by taking to vet when I've been unable to due to being at work. So that's where I then try be patient. Last night we barely said two words and I left early this morning. Staying out way hoping we talk as need to sort stuff out. I appreciate not as many jobs out there but get annoyed when he starts criticising me on my job but as I said before I've been unhappy there for while so perhaps he feels I'm taking out on him. Been looking at other jobs in company but he says I'm looking at same admin jobs do ill just be unhappy as not following my passion but for me making reasonable wage is important as it allows me to look after me and my pets without worrying.

aileth

Personally, I think the only way he'll get his act together is the short, sharp shock of being ousted from your home and told in no uncertain terms that he needs to get a grip. Chances are he'll be back with his tail between his legs within a few hours, and if not you've not lost anything, you've gained freedom from not caring for a manchild.

I really really can't stand people who refuse to get any job because they want one that they want to do or that is their passion. You can search for 'the one' job while having another job, make money AND your CV will look so much better that you've been employed rather than doing sweet f-all! At least he's volunteering, but volunteering doesn't put food on the table, as good as it is for the community.

Mojisola

redrose9 wrote: »

It's easy to say kick him to curb but that's not me. If he was at least talking to his parents then I wouldn't feel guilty cause he could go there.

Just watch how fast he makes it up with his parents when you kick him out!