Relationship getting unbearable-need advice

redrose9

I've been with bf for around 4yrs, before he lived with his parents then yr later moved in with me. He is all about getting job your passionate about but really in all the time I've known him he has done odds and sods of which now I am starting to resent him.

Couple weeks back he had a huge argument ( I wasn't there) with his parents at the family home and has decided that he no longer is speaking with them. Fast fwd we had a huge bust up as I'm getting irritated by his lack of job and honestly I feel lumbered with him. At one point he said he would just walk out the door and I'd never see him again but my concern is where to and he said he'd just live on streets as he doesn't want to go to his parents.

It's childlike behaviour but how do I tackle such threats as don't want to put his parents through it and really want him to get act together already. He volunteers at moment so I know good in him but just dreamer and worried about next steps for him, I sound like a mother! Please, any advice would help as I do care but end of tether. I just wish he would patch hinges up with his parents. His dad called last week invited us to go round but bf pretty much declined though I nearly persuaded him then it didn't happen. His parents, I spoke with them last week and they are concerned about him. What do I do

martinthebandit

Move on, sounds like he has swapped one 'mummy' for another.

There are adult men out there

Dimey

Your thinking is more like that of a Mother or sister than a girlfriend.

He's not your responsibility. Let him go wherever - up to him. Get on with your life. You're young, have fun. Be taken out, wined and dined, taken away for the weekend.

Don't waste time watching someone else especially if you don't love him and don't want to spend the rest of your life with him.

Be kind, give him 2 weeks notice that the relationship is over and he needs to go. Don't mix messages by sleeping with him during the 2 weeks. Leave him to find somewhere to go, you don't need to know where, non of you business. Change the locks when he's gone. And celebrate an exciting new life :j

ERICS_MUM

Move on, he will NEVER change. He doesn't think of you nor his parents and he would be no better if you have children together. He will spoil your life if you stay with him.

I'm being harsh but realistic, you must be very hurt but put yourself first for the sake of the rest of your life.

Good luck

Linda xx

Kayalana99

You can't make someone change...if you don't like him for who he is now don't hold on only to realise it later.

bagpussbear

OP do you still love him? do you still want to be in a relationship with him?

If so, then keep talking.

If not, then call time on this relationship. That might be the kick he needs to sort himself out actually.

good luck

Errata

At one point he said he would just walk out the door and I'd never see him again but my concern is where to and he said he'd just live on streets as he doesn't want to go to his parents

Call his bluff!

marisco_2

You sound more like a big sister or a substitute mum for your partner, than someone he is in an equal relationship with. It is all very well aiming to secure a job you are passionate about in life, but that comes about after years of hard graft and working toward that point. Not by drifting from one thing to another, or by volunteering without backing that experience up by getting qualified in that field. It is naïve of him to think otherwise and shows a lack of common sense, in as much as he hasn't realised that yet.

It is manipulative of him to say he will leave and live on the streets. He is trying to guilt trip you into taking his side and backing him, making you think he will take stupid and desperate measures if you don't. You cant go through life having those ultimatums thrown at you. Be smart and move on from him. Take your time to be on your own and decide what you want from your future, and when you are ready get involved with someone far more mature and with a bit of gumption about him.

redrose9

I do care about him, not sure if I love him though as he frustrates me. Perhaps there's a part of me that's had enough. My problem is I allow people to walk over me as too nice and put up in hope something positive will happen.

Honestly? The whole calling his bluff on him going on streets? I don't want to even test that because my worry would be him doing that and his parents then blaming me, couldn't bare it. I don't want on my conscience.

I'm really concerned on my next steps. It's easy to say kick him to curb but that's not me. If he was at least talking to his parents then I wouldn't feel guilty cause he could go there.

I've barely spoken to him since I got in this evening. Our big fight and his threats was this morning. I've had a lot on with work so this on top really isn't helping me.

elsien

Nothing to stop him from getting a room in a shared house. He's playing you with the threats. If you want an adult relationship with him then you both need to start acting like adults, and you need to stop enabling his lifestyle. How much is he contributing to the household financially?

You don't need to break up completely if you think there's something worth salvaging, but you could say you need a break and he needs to find somewhere else while you both decide what it is you both want out of life and whether that is compatible.

redrose9

He doesn't have a job and most of time like this so I cover all bills but then he calls me money hungry when it comes to me doing my job as not my passion but as with most it pays the bills and keeps roof over my head. I guess he says as he knows how down I get about my job. He has no money so couldn't house share.