Relationship getting unbearable-need advice

gunsandbanjos

We'd all love to do a job we're "passionate" about, but at some point you just have to realise that bills need paid.

Very few people get to do their dream job, that's life.

My ex was a bit like this, kept talking about great jobs he was going to get which would earn us a fortune but they never came to anything. Note the "ex" part...

ciderwithrosie_2

If his parents did blame you for their adult son choosing to live on the streets, rather than man up and become an equal in a relationship with a sensible caring girl then they aren't worth bothering with either. Seems like they've molly-coddled him and done him no favours.

how many chances do you give someone to take responsibility for themselves, how many years do you waste putting your own happiness to the bottom of the pile while trying to please everyone else?

If you did call his bluff, what's the betting he'd actually leave? As empty a threat as him getting a proper job I reckon.

kitrat

redrose9 wrote: »

He doesn't have a job and most of time like this so I cover all bills but then he calls me money hungry when it comes to me doing my job as not my passion but as with most it pays the bills and keeps roof over my head. I guess he says as he knows how down I get about my job. He has no money so couldn't house share.

Oh right so he's quite happy to benefit from your hard work, but he wants to turn around and mock you for it too? I'd say forget him! His parents aren't going to be angry at you, I'm sure they can't imagine how you put up with him! Anyway, once he's gone it's really not your problem.

elsien

redrose9 wrote: »

. He has no money so couldn't house share.

Yes he could, he could sign on and claim housing benefit. Living in a communal setting with no money and no social life might give him the kick up the backside he needs to get his act together.
Stop making excuses for him, he's not going to end up on the streets, it's all bravado. I'd put money on him being back at his parents before the day was out.

Dimey

redrose9 wrote: »

I do care about him, not sure if I love him though as he frustrates me. Perhaps there's a part of me that's had enough. My problem is I allow people to walk over me as too nice and put up in hope something positive will happen.

Honestly? The whole calling his bluff on him going on streets? I don't want to even test that because my worry would be him doing that and his parents then blaming me, couldn't bare it. I don't want on my conscience.

I'm really concerned on my next steps. It's easy to say kick him to curb but that's not me. If he was at least talking to his parents then I wouldn't feel guilty cause he could go there.

I've barely spoken to him since I got in this evening. Our big fight and his threats was this morning. I've had a lot on with work so this on top really isn't helping me.

You really must stop treating this man like a child. The parents can't blame you. He is a man in his own right not a child you are responsible for.

Why don't you invite his parents to your home on Saturday. Sit them and him down to tell them all that you have decided to end the relationship and start a new life.

Tell them that you are handing responsibility for this man back to himself. Invite his parents to help him if they so wish by letting him live back at their home. Tell them he has 2 weeks to move out but you'd welcome him going sooner if possible.

Then leave the parents and their son alone to work out what they are going to do. Do not get involved. Do not offer opinion. Go sit in another room till they are finished.

If he walks out and won't speak to his parents, it doesn't matter. You've done all you could. No "nice person" guilt.

There, you've done it the nice way and handed responsibility back where it should be. With himself, with the support of his parents if he's bright enough to accept it.

Fret no longer. Plan your new carefree fun life.

martinthebandit

redrose9 wrote: »

He doesn't have a job and most of time like this so I cover all bills but then he calls me money hungry when it comes to me doing my job as not my passion but as with most it pays the bills and keeps roof over my head. I guess he says as he knows how down I get about my job. He has no money so couldn't house share.

!!!!!! you are not his Mum, you are not his parent, a relationship is a partnership and they work best when it's an equal partnership.

Packs his bags, throw him out and get on with your life.

DUTR

redrose9 wrote: »

I've been with bf for around 4yrs, before he lived with his parents then yr later moved in with me. He is all about getting job your passionate about but really in all the time I've known him he has done odds and sods of which now I am starting to resent him.

Couple weeks back he had a huge argument ( I wasn't there) with his parents at the family home and has decided that he no longer is speaking with them. Fast fwd we had a huge bust up as I'm getting irritated by his lack of job and honestly I feel lumbered with him. At one point he said he would just walk out the door and I'd never see him again but my concern is where to and he said he'd just live on streets as he doesn't want to go to his parents.

It's childlike behaviour but how do I tackle such threats as don't want to put his parents through it and really want him to get act together already. He volunteers at moment so I know good in him but just dreamer and worried about next steps for him, I sound like a mother! Please, any advice would help as I do care but end of tether. I just wish he would patch hinges up with his parents. His dad called last week invited us to go round but bf pretty much declined though I nearly persuaded him then it didn't happen. His parents, I spoke with them last week and they are concerned about him. What do I do

From a bloke's perspective f*** him off, the guy sounds like a spoilt loser. I'm sure you can do better.

Dimey

redrose9 wrote: »

He doesn't have a job and most of time like this so I cover all bills but then he calls me money hungry when it comes to me doing my job as not my passion but as with most it pays the bills and keeps roof over my head. I guess he says as he knows how down I get about my job. He has no money so couldn't house share.

RedRose - please wise up. He's using you and playing with your good heart. What an unpleasant person.

Just think what you could do with that extra money you'll save by not paying for him. You'll also not be dragged down into depression by him so you can start thinking about how to get more of the job you really want. Maybe use some of the money you'll save for evening classes towards what you really want to do.

When you are no longer going to work stressed after arguments with him you might start to enjoy your job more.

Bennifred

redrose9 wrote: »

........................................
Honestly? The whole calling his bluff on him going on streets? I don't want to even test that because my worry would be him doing that and his parents then blaming me, couldn't bare it. I don't want on my conscience..............................

What he chooses to do is NOT your responsibility. :mad:

Frankly, you are not doing him any favours by letting him sponge off you like this.

scaredy_cat

he's very passive aggressive - "if you don't do what i want, i'l walk out and what happens to me is your fault".

he's an adult and has choices - he can get a job or not, he can walk out or not - you are not responsible for his choices, just yours - are you going to let him control you like this? your choice is to accept his be behavior and be unhappy or not.