How do I curb wife's spending

Dimey

tabbykatt2306 wrote: »

Apologies as I appear to have offended at least two people with my lack of skills at forum etiquette, I will of course be sure to write everything with footnotes and reference quotations in future like everyone else does here???
I am just a simple noob... and have much to learn it seems

Ignore it Tabbykatt.
I got picked up when I first started. I never realised there were "preferred people" you have to be extra careful with, (not the people you've been speaking with.) So I just leave the threads where I feel uncomfortable and there are plenty of others to join in.
I got a few encouraging words from other posters and now I just ignore anyone who doesn't like what I say and don't take offence. Some people pick up tiny details to spark a controversy for fun.

Here are some specifics - average UK household expenditure from 2011/12: -
http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/family-spending/family-spending/family-spending-2012-edition/sum-headlines.html

cte1111

Dimey wrote: »

Ignore it Tabbykatt.
I got picked up when I first started. I never realised there were "preferred people" you have to be extra careful with, (not the people you've been speaking with.) So I just leave the threads where I feel uncomfortable and there are plenty of others to join in.
I got a few encouraging words from other posters and now I just ignore anyone who doesn't like what I say and don't take offence. Some people pick up tiny details to spark a controversy for fun.

Here are some specifics - average UK household expenditure from 2011/12: -
http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/family-spending/family-spending/family-spending-2012-edition/sum-headlines.html

I asked tabbykatt where she got her figures from, I don't think that's unreasonable, particularly as her post was critical of mine. Evidently it's just her personal opinion, that's fine but perhaps she should phrase her posts to indicate that, rather than as fact.

I wasn't trying to 'spark a controversy for fun', I was just asking tabbykatt to back up her dictatorial statements with some evidence.

[Deleted User]

put all bank accounts in your name and just give wife an allowance and no access to other funds. Your daughter has to stand on her own two feet and be independent, she's taking you for a mug; you know the solution really. She's just been used to having you as a cash cow, time to say no more and mean it!!

Pay_no_attention

Deleted User wrote: »

put all bank accounts in your name and just give wife an allowance and no access to other funds. Your daughter has to stand on her own two feet and be independent, she's taking you for a mug; you know the solution really. She's just been used to having you as a cash cow, time to say no more and mean it!!

One of the problems I have in the line of work I'm in (catering at outside events and events organising ) we are handling cash all the time so their is always cash in the house. I do have my own UK bank account in my name which I transfer any surplus to.
My daughter leaves home next month so we see if anything changes. She will no longer have use of our car or her phone will not be topped up as she will be back in the UK.
I know she has managed to save a couple of thousand for when she starts uni. Yesterday she asked for £400 for her room deposit. Do I give it her or make her use her savings?

lamarsi

Hi I can't really add much more than what others have said, but just wanted to say that I ended up in really bad debt, it caused my and my fella to split as i never felt I could share what was going on we then got back together for a while, I explained to him my situation and he was shocked that I'd been through all that on my own and hadn't felt I could share it with him, but still he kinda didn't really support me and in the end despite debt not being an issue any more I realised that I was really on my own in a relationship so I ended it, I'm not suggesting you do that but I felt so lonely during that time with him, for me part of being a couple was to have someone who was on your side and had your back, we should have been working together which we weren't sometimes I miss him but not the stress of trying to sort everything out on my own

ViolaLass

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

One of the problems I have in the line of work I'm in (catering at outside events and events organising ) we are handling cash all the time so their is always cash in the house. I do have my own UK bank account in my name which I transfer any surplus to.
My daughter leaves home next month so we see if anything changes. She will no longer have use of our car or her phone will not be topped up as she will be back in the UK.
I know she has managed to save a couple of thousand for when she starts uni. Yesterday she asked for £400 for her room deposit. Do I give it her or make her use her savings?

Why are you even asking?

This is meant in the nicest possible, most helpful way but you need to start saying 'no' and meaning it. Stand up for yourself and your family.

Pay_no_attention

ViolaLass wrote: »

Why are you even asking?

This is meant in the nicest possible, most helpful way but you need to start saying 'no' and meaning it. Stand up for yourself and your family.

Because I do not honestly know what I think I should contribute to and what not too. If I make her pay the £400 its £400 less she will have to live on at uni. I hear of other parents talk about its costing them a fortune to send their kids to uni so I assume they must be paying for it. I never got the opportunity to go to university myself and my daughter is the first in our family to do so,so I am proud of her in that respect.

ViolaLass

I think it might be more useful for her if you were to sit down with her, help her to set up a spreadsheet or something similar to help her budget for university and at the same time, tell her how much money you're going to give her and how often.

She can't budget properly unless you give her this information. You don't have to give her any money (she can get a full loan, assuming she's eligible, she can get a job etc) but it's reasonable to expect that you make it clear to her WHAT she is going to get.

So make a decision about what you can afford and stick to it.

ellerose

I went to university and funded everything myself - rent, living costs, tuition fees, the lot. So IMO I'd let her pay her room deposit herself - she gets it back later I presume? I've been following your thread with interest; I can't imagine not having my other half on board with my debt busting, makes it so much easier as other posters have said!!

Pay_no_attention

ViolaLass wrote: »

I think it might be more useful for her if you were to sit down with her, help her to set up a spreadsheet or something similar to help her budget for university and at the same time, tell her how much money you're going to give her and how often.

She can't budget properly unless you give her this information. You don't have to give her any money (she can get a full loan, assuming she's eligible, she can get a job etc) but it's reasonable to expect that you make it clear to her WHAT she is going to get.

So make a decision about what you can afford and stick to it.

We have already calculated that she will in fact be quite well off compared to her friends at uni without any help from us. The course she is doing she has been eligible for all kinds of bursaries and grants. I'm trying to persuade her not to take the student loan which is worth about £60 per week I think.This is the amount I had in mind sending her each week . This way she will leave debt free,but she wants to still apply for the loan. After her tuition fees and rent she will have around £80 per week to live on. I know this is almost double what her friends have.