How do I curb wife's spending

Pay_no_attention

barbarawright wrote: »

You say it was your business that went into debt. Was your wife involved in the business? Does she blame you for the debt? Maybe she doesn't feel the debt is her responsibility or that you should be controlling *her* finances when the debt appears to be yours and she's already had a tough time of it. Not saying that she would be right but I think I might feel like that if my partner was doling out pocket money to me

Yes it was our business that went under. It was unfortunately a knock on effect of one of our customers going bust owing us £100k. We was unable to meet our liabilities on leasehold premises and a Vat payment that was due.
We went into voluntary liquidation owing about 78k. Although I have repaid my bank and a personal guarantee on an overdraft I had.
I also have paid 20k to my liquidators.

cte1111

tabbykatt2306 wrote: »

Household expenses should not include personal care items,

Think this should read 'in my household, the household budget does not include personal care items', it's not up to you how other people budget!

tabbykatt2306 wrote: »

£50 per week on personal spending is well above the average

I'd love to see where you get this 'fact' from!

barbarawright

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Yes it was our business that went under. It was unfortunately a knock on effect of one of our customers going bust owing us £100k. We was unable to meet our liabilities on leasehold premises and a Vat payment that was due.
We went into voluntary liquidation owing about 78k. Although I have repaid my bank and a personal guarantee on an overdraft I had.
I also have paid 20k to my liquidators.

So you moved abroad and she followed you when you got on your feet again? Did she want to move abroad? Is it a completely new country to her and does she have friends/family near her? You both seem to have been through a tough time but you do need to try to understand why she might not have the same attitude to money as you or you're never going to get anywhere

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Show her this thread and your signature! To keep quiet to keep the peace is never a good idea, how about keeping the roof over both your heads. Remind her what life was like over those 4 years and point out those times are a spend too far around the corner. When a wife starts to steal from her husband it shows a lack of respect for that person, living in a house with someone you can't trust is also a slippery slope. If she can steal now, what else is she up to? Please confront her with what you have found out, hopefully it will put an end to deceit and open her eyes to what she is doing.

AMD

Pay_no_attention

barbarawright wrote: »

So you moved abroad and she followed you when you got on your feet again? Did she want to move abroad? Is it a completely new country to her and does she have friends/family near her? You both seem to have been through a tough time but you do need to try to understand why she might not have the same attitude to money as you or you're never going to get anywhere

Yes I moved abroad when we separated in 2008. I had a few visits to UK to see the kids etc. we discussed about selling the house on the UK as it was a struggle for both of us. We tried for 6 months and no interest. I then suggested we rent it and why don't we try again a new start.
Yes it is a new country to her and the kids. I had to persuade her for the first 4 months not to return to the UK as she was having trouble settling. Now I think I would have trouble in getting her back to the UK.
We both used to have a live for today attitude a few years back so I am to blame in some respects. It's only since losing my business that I have become quite obsessed with clearing debt,spending more wisely etc.
It's true what they say if you've had it then lost it you will not do it again. I would never be the same as I was before.

Pay_no_attention

AMILLIONDOLLARS wrote: »

Show her this thread and your signature! To keep quiet to keep the peace is never a good idea, how about keeping the roof over both your heads. Remind her what life was like over those 4 years and point out those times are a spend too far around the corner. When a wife starts to steal from her husband it shows a lack of respect for that person, living in a house with someone you can't trust is also a slippery slope. If she can steal now, what else is she up to? Please confront her with what you have found out, hopefully it will put an end to deceit and open her eyes to what she is doing.

AMD

Ok i will ask her about the missing money tonight. I know what will happen as its not the first time and I've confronted in the past. I was going to buy a cash box today but feel that will just be adding fuel to the fire if I lock everything away.

tabbykatt2306

cte1111 wrote: »

Think this should read 'in my household, the household budget does not include personal care items', it's not up to you how other people budget!



I'd love to see where you get this 'fact' from!

Apologies as I appear to have offended at least two people with my lack of skills at forum etiquette, I will of course be sure to write everything with footnotes and reference quotations in future like everyone else does here???
I am just a simple noob... and have much to learn it seems

Prothet_of_Doom

My wife won't budget, won't look at a spreadsheet, and will panic if I say we can't afford something I think is a luxury, and she thinks is essential.
Luckily I've worked out that she is affected by the balance in our joint current account. So If it is between £800 and £1100 she knows to be careful, if it's less than £800 she starts panicing, but if more than £1500 she'll go wild. We have a linked savings account, but she never checks what is in there, so as soon as I am paid I go on my mobile, and transfer money into that, so the balance in our current account is around about £900.

Pay_no_attention

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

My wife won't budget, won't look at a spreadsheet, and will panic if I say we can't afford something I think is a luxury, and she thinks is essential.
Luckily I've worked out that she is affected by the balance in our joint current account. So If it is between £800 and £1100 she knows to be careful, if it's less than £800 she starts panicing, but if more than £1500 she'll go wild. We have a linked savings account, but she never checks what is in there, so as soon as I am paid I go on my mobile, and transfer money into that, so the balance in our current account is around about £900.

Ha ha I like this approach:)

foxgloves

As from this month, I'm trying to budget using a different method, so my partner & I have been discussing what things should be bought from which budgets...the nuts & bolts of it all, so we both do the same & hopefully our new approach will work. We each have £60 a month for our 'personal spends'. This is to spend on whatever we want. We have agreed that basic toiletries can come out of the household grocery budget......that means a standard shampoo or conditioner (under £4 each), a deodorant, bubble bath, that kind of thing. If either of us want something more upmarket such as (to use real life examples) a Paul Smith aftershave or a bit of a visit to the Clinique counter, then that comes out of our personal spends. We put an agreed amount of our monthly salary away for clothes, car bills, household maintenance, leisure & entertainment (that would cover something like a special meal out or theatre/concert tickets), presents & holidays. If we make any money through extra means, such as selling stuff we no longer want on ebay or doing online surveys, etc, then half of it goes into savings & half of it we can spend on ourselves. There are all sorts of different ways of organising finances so that they work, but you do need to have basic rules/arrangements in place so that you both adhere to the same approach. Oh....& while we might take the money for a special meal out from our entertainment fund, things like having coffees out & lunches, well they can simply haemorrhage money when one is trying to pay off debts. We do sometimes treat ourselves in coffee shops, etc, but this would always come from our £60 a month personal spends.......we find this concentrates our minds perfectly on whether we want to pay £8 for a fancy coffee & Panini or whether we'd rather keep the money for something else! Hope you can solve this. I think you will have to exercise your 'No' muscle in a very big way! Good luck!