How do I curb wife's spending

Growurown

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Compulsive spender. I think so.
I have told her she has a shopping addiction,but she laughs it off. Her free time is spent looking at online shops.

I don't think she is going to change, it sounds as though she is in complete denial. You could try seeking professional help for her and you as well, because you need support too. It seems to me you have few choices if she won't change and won't get involved. You either carry on as you are and live with it or you stand up to her and take the risk of arguments and all the rest of the c**p that will inevitably follow.

elsien

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

I am constantly told that I am a control freak regarding the money's and that she feels like she is asking her dad for pocket money when she wants lunch or coffees etc. she will not use any of the £50 per week as she sees this as hers to spend on herself All this plays on my mind and I question myself and thinking I must be.
I thought £50 per week would be plenty to have for personal money.

It is. I have £50 to buy my food, toiletries, cleaning materials, newspaper, parking, garden etc, and to pay for my social life, such as it is.

Pay_no_attention

Ok the first step I gotta do is sit down and go through it all again. I don't want the responsibility of managing the budget On my own but I have tried in the past to hand some of it over.

Mint1955

£50 a week!!! I have that a month ......

tabbykatt2306

So does she not see the lunches and coffees as spending on herself? Maybe she if sees you as 'Dad' then you do the same as you do for any child that is now in a position to look after themselves... teach them to fend for themselves?
If she works then maybe cut the joint accounts and work out a percentage that she needs to pay YOU for the house, food, bills etc. Make sure you are not out of pocket on this, but its reversing the tables. As you said when you were doing it alone you were making headway into the debts so go back to that financially. Then she will pay her own personal debts off and whatever is left she gets to spend on whatever she wants. On the other hand you DO NOT give her cash or the ability to spend more than SHE has... I feel sure that after a couple of months she will be begging you to explain your spreadsheets when she doesnt have your income to spend too??

Growurown

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

I am constantly told that I am a control freak regarding the money's and that she feels like she is asking her dad for pocket money when she wants lunch or coffees etc. she will not use any of the £50 per week as she sees this as hers to spend on herself All this plays on my mind and I question myself and thinking I must be.
I thought £50 per week would be plenty to have for personal money.

She is not taking any responsibility here. She wants to have her cake (and coffee) and eat it. She can't moan about you being a control freak when she won't take the slightest bit of interest in the family budget. Someone has to be in control if the debts aren't going to start spiraling up.

heartbreak_star

Print this thread out and show it to her - she needs a harsh wakeup call.

Do not keep any cash in the house and don't give her any. If she asks about cash for meals/coffees (incidentally £30 is TOO much there) tell her she can pay for that out of her wages.

I'm appalling with money. OH deals with the bills. We have separate bank accounts, and I pay him a set amount each month and do a food shop. The rest of my wages are mine unless something comes up that we need to both put money into. It works for us.

HBS x

Pay_no_attention

tabbykatt2306 wrote: »

So does she not see the lunches and coffees as spending on herself? Maybe she if sees you as 'Dad' then you do the same as you do for any child that is now in a position to look after themselves... teach them to fend for themselves?
If she works then maybe cut the joint accounts and work out a percentage that she needs to pay YOU for the house, food, bills etc. Make sure you are not out of pocket on this, but its reversing the tables. As you said when you were doing it alone you were making headway into the debts so go back to that financially. Then she will pay her own personal debts off and whatever is left she gets to spend on whatever she wants. On the other hand you DO NOT give her cash or the ability to spend more than SHE has... I feel sure that after a couple of months she will be begging you to explain your spreadsheets when she doesnt have your income to spend too??

I suppose I am partly to blame as their is no trust at the moment with me letting her take some of the control of the budget. I even do the weekly groceries as any surplus would be spent. If I was to give her 80 she would spend 50 and I would not see the other 30 so half way through the week she would need more for groceries. So now I even have this job to do every week. I see it as a way of saving money.

borkid

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

SPREADSHEETS.

I tend to deal with it by not speaking so this in the end becomes an argument. Today she knows something is up as I'm being quiet. She was out for the day yesterday so I thought I would sort the bill money out. That's when I discovered 45 was missing on top of the 35 I gave

First of all don't leave the bill money in the house, infact don't leave any cash around.

As soon as you get paid transfer all bill, food, debt repayment, savings to a separate account ( which only you can access) then when needed withdraw or transfer the cash. What is left can be split between the 2 of you and no questions asked as to how it is spent.

£50 a week is what I have to spend on myself and that is plenty. I buy presents for people and treat me and OH to meals out. I pay for my music lessons and acupuncture sessions out of that as well as all the standard clothes make up etc.

As for your daughter when my two were that age they worked in the holidays/ week ends and paid for they own things. When they went to uni we calculated how much they needed to live and added a little ( I think £10 per week this was about 15 years ago) for going out and they had to manage. If they wanted more they worked for it.

heartbreak_star

She works! Why are you giving her money all the time?

HBS x