How do I curb wife's spending

Pay_no_attention

I said to her before take the money and invest it and I will help out the best I can. Then at the end of your course you have the option of repaying it so be debt free or re investing the money and repaying it from your salary when you get a job.
The thing is I know once university is over she wants to go travelling. She wanted to go this year but I managed (don't know how) to convince get her degree out of the way first.

Pay_no_attention

My daughter approached me yesterday about the room deposit. I think this evening I will say to my wife that she has asked for the money and see what her reaction is.
I didn't want to pay for the flights but was made to feel bad when I suggested she pay for her own. It does make you question yourself. But after reading a lot of responses on here I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

egoode

I don't have any advice for your wife as I've never lived with a partner, however for your daughter as other's have said you need to be very clear about what you will pay for. When I went to Uni my parents agreed to pay for my accommodation which was a university dorm which included all meals (except for weekend lunches) and costs to get to and from Uni and home each holidays if I wasn't working elsewhere. However as they couldn't afford too much I had to take the cheapest room which was a shared room. I then received a $25 a week allowance (this was in Australia). If I wanted any extra money I had to find work.

Out of the $25/week I was expected to pay for all my textbooks, clothing and going out costs and anything else I needed money for (this was pre-mobiles but I'm sure I would have been told to pay for that myself as well). I managed to get work occassionally in the Main Office of the dorm and also got roles within the dorm that were a discount on my accommodation costs which it was agreed with my parents they would still pay the original amount and I would get the discount in cash from them.

While I was at University I also did a student exchange and again my parents still paid the same as they did when I was in Australia and I paid for all the fights and travel I wanted to do when I was in the USA so if she wants to travel this can still be an option while going to University.

Also she needs to remember most of the other students will also be on really tight budgets and so many stores and pubs offer student discounts she'll find everyone will be budgetting and trying to get the best deal for what little they have so she won't stick out at all if that's her worry.

Growurown

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

My daughter approached me yesterday about the room deposit. I think this evening I will say to my wife that she has asked for the money and see what her reaction is.
I didn't want to pay for the flights but was made to feel bad when I suggested she pay for her own. It does make you question yourself. But after reading a lot of responses on here I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

If you pay this deposit what are the chances that you will get the money back when the deposit is returned at the end of the year?

If you decide NOT to pay it then tell your daughter
a) she will get her money back (so don't go off on one) and
b) she will be very grateful to have £400 back in her pocket at the end of the year when her funds will be low. Sell it to her as a savings plan for summer next year.

Plus it will make her responsible for looking after her room. If you pay will she care if she damages it? You only value what you have to pay and work for.

Dimey

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

I said to her before take the money and invest it and I will help out the best I can. Then at the end of your course you have the option of repaying it so be debt free or re investing the money and repaying it from your salary when you get a job.
The thing is I know once university is over she wants to go travelling. She wanted to go this year but I managed (don't know how) to convince get her degree out of the way first.

I'm really confused about what you are telling your daughter. I wonder whether she is confused too?

Are you telling her: -

a) Take the loan but invest the money and live off what Dad sends you - don't worry I'll send whatever you need. Then after graduation, pay back the loan and pocket the interest.

b) Take the loan and live off your loan money. Pay the loan back when you get a job. Get a part time job if you need extra money.

Or do you need to tell her something more like: -

c) Take the loan and live off your loan money. Pay the loan back when you get a job. Get a part time job if you need extra money. Dad will send you £25 per week or will save that £25 per week for your travelling fund - you chose. There will be no extra money available for you as we have to pay off our debts and earn enough just to allow you the £25, so don't ask for any more otherwise we may have to reduce that £25.

I think what's happening with your communication to both your wife and daughter is that you are vague. Then you are swayed by persuasion. The two girls in your life have learnt not to believe the first thing you say. But to keep persuading and eventually you'll agree or do whatever it is they want.

LannieDuck

I know you say you have to deal in cash, but I think you need to start getting that into the bank asap (even if it means a trip to the bank every day).

Open multiple accounts, have all the money going into one account, and direct debits set up for the various bills. Give yourself and your wife a 'spending account' each, and put the same amount into each every month. That way you're living on the same as her. That's her spends for the month, and when it's gone it's gone. It covers every expenditure when she's out of the home (possibly excluding travel to work). If she doesn't want to pay for her lunch out of it, she can take sandwiches.

That way you can show her that the tiny amount that's left in your main account at the end of the month after all the bills have been paid. She needs to get her head around the idea that there is no extra money floating around.

John1993_2

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

No I don't think I will. I think £80 per week is more than enough to live on as a student. That's after her room is paid for. Plus she has around £2000 she has managed to save.
It would be better for me to give her nothing and invest the £60 per week and pay off her loans when she leaves.

Why would you pay the loans off?

In the end I don't think that we do our children any favours by always offfering them such a complete safety net. I've freinds and acquaintances in their thirties who still feel the need to ask their parents for help with going on holiday, or changing their car, with the corollary that they've never feared unemployment, and so have drifted from job to job, now finding themselves completely unsuited to holding down any positioon that can build to a career.

I know that my evidence is only anecdotal, but it does seem very common to me that children helped out like this struggle later. Those who learn to budget, save, and understand the value of money earlier on the other hand have all ended up doing very well for themselves, ans they've had to look at the world very differently. They've had to say "What can I do now to make my way succesfully", not "what do I fancy doing today".

ss3n08

I work for the fees department of a Uni and 99% of students get a loan and learn to budget. I had a loan and it taught me so much about budgeting and the loan is more than enough to live off. I also had a part time job which just boosted my income. She won't have to pay tax and can work full time over Summer without paying tax. If she comes into trouble then maybe help her but it is so important that she uses these few years to learn how to budget for bills, rent and for her future.

Pay_no_attention

John1993 wrote: »

Why would you pay the loans off?

In the end I don't think that we do our children any favours by always offfering them such a complete safety net. I've freinds and acquaintances in their thirties who still feel the need to ask their parents for help with going on holiday, or changing their car, with the corollary that they've never feared unemployment, and so have drifted from job to job, now finding themselves completely unsuited to holding down any positioon that can build to a career.

I know that my evidence is only anecdotal, but it does seem very common to me that children helped out like this struggle later. Those who learn to budget, save, and understand the value of money earlier on the other hand have all ended up doing very well for themselves, ans they've had to look at the world very differently. They've had to say "What can I do now to make my way succesfully", not "what do I fancy doing today".

Sorry if I not explained it too clearly. I didnt want her to have the loan at first as I said I would try and send her the equivalent weekly amount. I didn't want her to leave uni with any debt. So if she is adamant in taking the loan I was going to invest the £60 per week so at the end of the course I could pay off the loan, so again she would be debt free. Right or wrong of me I don't want her to start out in her chosen career owing anybody money.
What she does after that is down to her, she can make her own choices. She will not have her degree until she is 22 if she then chooses to go travelling for a year she will be 23 when she starts earning subject to her finding a job.

ViolaLass

Dimey wrote: »

I'm really confused about what you are telling your daughter. I wonder whether she is confused too?

................

I think what's happening with your communication to both your wife and daughter is that you are vague. Then you are swayed by persuasion. The two girls in your life have learnt not to believe the first thing you say. But to keep persuading and eventually you'll agree or do whatever it is they want.

Dimey, never met you in a thread before but I could not agree with you more.

OP, stick to your guns! Stop being afraid of not being the nice guy - be the guy who is helping his family in the long run.

If you're going to pay the loan off when your daughter leaves university and she knows this, there will be no incentive to be sensible with her money. In fact, it may encourage her to rack up other debts too - overdrafts, credit cards etc - in the hopes that you will pay them off too.

IF you're determined to pay the loan off, make it clear from the beginning that you will not extend this to cover other borrowing and then stick to this regardless of what is said/pleaded/argued/begged etc.