How do I curb wife's spending

unimaginative_user_name

maman wrote: »

£300 really is enough for anyone who's trying to save money and eat reasonably well on as little as possible. I would add that my DH and I don't count alcoholic drinks in that budget. We mostly drink at home and so consider that our separate 'entertainment' budget.;)

My way of doing things is fairly simple. Like you pno, I have built up quite a bit of stuff in the freezer and storecupboards over time by buying stuff when I see it on offer or if I happen to be near a shop that sells bargains. So carol, I'd suggest that bit by bit you build up your storecupboard/freezer. It's really helpful as you can fall back on that when times are really tight. What I do each week is do a very simple meal plan of 7 (or fewer if we're eating out) meals we can have for supper. I decide on the meals by looking at what I've got in stock first and then write my shopping list for fresh stuff ingredients to go with that to make meals. I generally plan in a few flexible freezer meals (ideally HM like Bolognese or chilli) just in case I'm pushed for time or we go out unexpectedly. I make sure we have an ongoing stock of breakfast ingredients (cereal/muesli/yogurt/fruit/eggs) and something suitable for lunches (this will vary depending on whether you need to make pack-ups or eat at home). I do my main shop in Aldi and then Sainsbury's for things I can't get there.

I'll do another post of the sort of things we eat on our budget.

I find regular defrosting of the freezer helps with money saving. Invariably there are things in there I'd forgotten I had and I can use them up before they get freezer burn. I put a list on my fridge door and cross items off as I use them. I also buy big bags on peppers and onions (basic/value brands of course) when they are cheap, chop them up, freeze them on a tray and when they are frozen bag them up. Then if I need a quick meal this cuts down on my prep time and I'm not tempted to resort to more expensive ready meals.

I think monthly meal plans (in pencil so they can be adapted) are a good idea. You can plan freezer leftover days when you cook some rice or jacket potatoes and everyone chooses a HM chilli or curry or something from the freezer to go with it. With a monthly meal plan you know by the end of the month what you are likely to have leftover to use up like this. As the OP's household has reduced in size it's highly likely it will take time to adjust to cooking for fewer people and there might be more leftovers especially as so many supermarkets cater for families of four rather than three.

maman

:ome again!

Just remembered carol, what I'd do is write down every single penny you spend for a week (or ideally a month) and then use the diary as a working document to review what were needs and what were simply wants and where you can save. Take a look on mysupermarket to compare prices in different supermarkets.

Sparklyfairy

Hi PNA, I think you're doing a great job.

I get £425/month from my dh - that is to pay for all food, toiletries, cleaning products, my petrol, clothes for me & kids, mobile bill, car tax, insurance & MOT - coffee's out - EVERYTHING. There's 4 of us (two adults & 2 kids - 10 & 7). If I need any money after that £425, it is understood that it'll come from next month's budget. It has to be. No alternatives.

I think you're trying everything you can, you really are & your effort is stellar. But I can't help but feel your wife is bullying you. Please don't offer the £50 because yes, she will start to expect it monthly.

I also agree with you 100% regarding not telling her about your finances being in a better state. She will start to demand more money if she knew - but she hasn't learned this life lesson yet. X SF

maman

unimaginative_user_name wrote: »

I find regular defrosting of the freezer helps with money saving. Invariably there are things in there I'd forgotten I had and I can use them up before they get freezer burn. I put a list on my fridge door and cross items off as I use them. I also buy big bags on peppers and onions (basic/value brands of course) when they are cheap, chop them up, freeze them on a tray and when they are frozen bag them up. Then if I need a quick meal this cuts down on my prep time and I'm not tempted to resort to more expensive ready meals.

I think monthly meal plans (in pencil so they can be adapted) are a good idea. You can plan freezer leftover days when you cook some rice or jacket potatoes and everyone chooses a HM chilli or curry or something from the freezer to go with it. With a monthly meal plan you know by the end of the month what you are likely to have leftover to use up like this. As the OP's household has reduced in size it's highly likely it will take time to adjust to cooking for fewer people and there might be more leftovers especially as so many supermarkets cater for families of four rather than three.

I find myself nodding as I read, I've got a freezer inventory too and keep it in front of me as I'm writing my meal plan/list. If you're at home or have facilities at work then leftovers can make good lunches too.

ellerose

I didn't know you could freeze chopped onion! Can you fry it straight from frozen?

unimaginative_user_name

ellerose wrote: »

I didn't know you could freeze chopped onion! Can you fry it straight from frozen?

It's worth checking out websites on home freezing for ideas on freezing vegetables as some need to be blanched first. I cook onions and peppers straight from frozen as they are in small pieces and defrost really quickly. If you freeze them on a tray first it stops the pieces sticking together. I think if you let them defrost they could end up a bit mushy.

heartbreak_star

I buy the big bags of pre-prepared veg when they're on offer - so cheap and quick! And yes you can fry frozen veg

HBS x

Suziebabe

Hello PNA - just read through your thread this evening and wanted to say well done and keep on track!

We're just starting on our debt-free journey, and my OH is something of a part-time saboteur, nothing like you're going through, but enough to be irritating! I hope its getting easier - it is harder following this path on your own. There's obviously a lot of love there, and while money can mess up the best of relationships, it is only one part of the whole.

On your specific grocery shopping problem, how do you think it would work if you sat down with your wife and discussed the budget, along the lines of 'we said £300, it's costing £xxx instead, but we can only afford (suggest a figure somewhere between £300 and £xxx) - but if we can get down to £300 then we can use that spare cash for a special night out' ? My OH is a pretty good ostrich - mainly because he still doesn't really believe we'll ever be out of debt - but if I give him enough time he does think it through by himself, with a bit of carrot as well as stick, he does respond well so far.

I know it doesn't clear the debts as quickly as it could, but for me, being debt free and on my own would be no joy, I want to be hand in hand with my man at the end of this journey, even if it takes longer. And requires me to deviously 'educate' him along the way!

Oh, and if you can bear to sit on your hands and watch, let your wife come up with the idea of a weekly budget on her own .... she'll feel much more in control and more likely to come and discuss with you when things go wrong some weeks (as they inevitably will) if she knows you'll help her come up with a meal plan that brings it back on track. Its just a way of starting the money dialogue on a small scale. We're on our second month of grocery budgeting now, and already OH is joking about grazing from the freezer in the last week - but also thinking about what to cook next month so we have better things in the freezer!

Good luck!

ViolaLass

PNA, I think you need to consider moving the coffees aspect from the food budget. Your wife hasn't stayed within the money you allowed and I think allowing coffees out of that money too just confuses the issue. She went over budget so she hasn't earned them!

Mojisola

Suziebabe wrote: »

Oh, and if you can bear to sit on your hands and watch, let your wife come up with the idea of a weekly budget on her own .... she'll feel much more in control and more likely to come and discuss with you when things go wrong some weeks (as they inevitably will) if she knows you'll help her come up with a meal plan that brings it back on track. Its just a way of starting the money dialogue on a small scale. We're on our second month of grocery budgeting now, and already OH is joking about grazing from the freezer in the last week - but also thinking about what to cook next month so we have better things in the freezer!

If she was going to face reality, she would have done it when they split up and she was in complete control of her life. Instead, she just ran up more debts.