How do I curb wife's spending

sydneybean

not sure if i have missed anything else on giving your wife a key to the cash box, but if everything in there is in envelopes clearly labelled with what the money is for i.e. RENT, ELECTRIC etc then it might(?) make her think twice before taking any of it? by not letting her have access to it she will continue to feel like she is being treated like a child?

Dimey

sydneybean wrote: »

not sure if i have missed anything else on giving your wife a key to the cash box, but if everything in there is in envelopes clearly labelled with what the money is for i.e. RENT, ELECTRIC etc then it might(?) make her think twice before taking any of it? by not letting her have access to it she will continue to feel like she is being treated like a child?

Sadly based on Mrs PNA's track record she is behaving like a child and every times she's been given the opportunity to prove otherwise, she's failed.

Last time the money that was budgeted for something else was left unlocked Mrs PNA took it to spend on herself. In effect stealing it.

PNA had explained the situation to Mrs PNA and had asked her to not take the money but she did anyway behind the backs of PNA and his daughters.
Then Mrs PNA went on to be angry with Mr PNA when he complained about her taking the money. She demanded an apology from him !! and didn't speak to him for days.

As far as I can see the cash box really has worked because the budget envelopes are intact and the bad arguments have stopped and Mrs PNA is no longer manipulating PNA.

So Mrs PNA is slowly making progress. Consistency is all that's needed here for the time being and hopefully eventually Mrs PNA will come to want to be responsible for her family (like an adult) more than having fun for herself alone (like a child).

maman

It is tempting to stray into relationship advice but considering that MrsPNA's emotional attitude to finances that's understandable when suggesting possible solutions.

I think the best that can be hoped for at the moment (while waiting for Mrs PNA's LBM) is for pna to adopt the stuck record approach. There is £300 per month for the grocery budget (which I think is generous considering IIRC that it's on top of what pna spends on storecupboard/freezer items. When she complains it's not enough he needs to point out that there is enough if she didn't spend chunks of it on socialising. An alternative is for them to have personal 'pocket money' specifically for things like coffees and keep the grocery money separate. Unfortunately that would only work if pna took on all the grocery spending himself which considering his many other responsibilities is adding to his workload but it might be the only way forward.

pna, I'm sure we all understand that it's a very pleasant lifestyle choice to be sitting outside bars and coffee shops in the sunshine but it's not realistic to do that to the extent that Mrs pna does and pay off your debts.:(

katiepoppycat

Hi folks, I rarely post on here, but I thought I had something worth contributing. PNA you are doing a great job - well done you! And you are clearly doing well in getting both your daughters on board - so it's 2 down 1 to go. One thing that did jump out at me - and sorry if you've made it clear elsewhere - I would find it very difficult to budget if big chunks of the budget were going out to fund warehouse purchases. I totally appreciate that you are spending smart to maximise your money, but I would be constantly running into difficulties if that £300 was sometimes £200 or less because Costco had a great deal that couldn't be missed - especially if I had already used what I thought was spare money on a family treat! Maybe you could allocate a chunk of your budget for warehouse spends and use it when it's needed?

Mojisola

It might not be something you want to think about now but, as I doubt your wife will ever be reconciled to living within her income without supervision, you may want to give some thought to your will.

Pay_no_attention

I just thought I would post some of the facts from my previous posts as some people are getting a bit confused. Hopefully it will help to clear up a few a few things.

1) almost 20 years married. 4 of those we was separated.
2) Mrs Pna does have a job approx 25 to 30 hours a week. Her pay is only a little a bit above minimum wage.
3) we both have a personal spending allowance of £50 per week
4) It was decided I give her a further £300 per month predominantly for the grocery shopping, any surplus she can use for her coffees etc
5)her wages do go into the household pot
6)have one daughter at home now ( she is good with money)
7) I have always been in charge off managing the finances. Mrs pna has a phobia about it. Even when we was separated I was still expected to sort her bills for her.
8) I do bulk buy toiletries and a few dry goods items. These are not deducted from the household budget.

Pay_no_attention

Last night turned into a bit of a disaster. Firstly because I refused to go out for dinner. ( that must have saved£60)
Secondly she reminded me the budget for September had been spent when I said oh well we have to manage for another 9 days. She laughed at me and said you cannot be serious. I said why not.
This has led to her not speaking to me again now.
One of the problems I think that she knows we have decent money coming in at the moment. She doesn't even stop to consider what gets paid out. Where as I always seem to be jotting figures down calculating what we need and what we have got to pay for she has never once come to me with similar workings out. If I try to explain to her she gets bored very quickly and does not take me seriously. Honestly sometimes I am envious of her laid back aptitude to money and life. I am a natural worrier!

System

PNA your attitude is like mine & your wife's attitude is like my OH's. As blunt as it may sound, some people are just rubbish with money!! I've thought about buying a big whiteboard & a pen and putting it up in our bedroom. I could put the current balances on there, and then underneath our joint account section list everything that still needs to come out. This way it will be in my OH's face and he can visually see what's still left to come out, and as such, how little there is left for luxuries. Is this a good idea for you? Would Mrs PNA find it easier to understand if she could see the figures in black & white? Would be easy to update whenever money is spent too

sydneybean

loopybecs wrote: »

PNA your attitude is like mine & your wife's attitude is like my OH's. As blunt as it may sound, some people are just rubbish with money!! I've thought about buying a big whiteboard & a pen and putting it up in our bedroom. I could put the current balances on there, and then underneath our joint account section list everything that still needs to come out. This way it will be in my OH's face and he can visually see what's still left to come out, and as such, how little there is left for luxuries. Is this a good idea for you? Would Mrs PNA find it easier to understand if she could see the figures in black & white? Would be easy to update whenever money is spent too

I was just going to say something similar:) does your wife actually know exactly how much money you owe? what about writing it down on a piece of paper in very big print and just handing it to her and walking away. i probably wouldn't even write on it this is what we owe, just the figure and let her come to you and ask what it signifies.

as an aside on your previous post you mention that even when you split up you had to deal with her finances? Really? so at no point has she taken any responsibility for her own day to day budgeting?:eek:

a huge well done though for saying you will have to manage for the next 9 days,:T now you just need to stick to it! Be Strong:D

bossymoo

Have you ever seen that programme, spendaholics? They use visuals ie if you spend £x per week on takeaway food, they tot it up and fill your kitchen literally with 52 takeaways :eek:

Is it worth equating your debt to how many coffee shop visits for her? Something that she can relate to? Not suggesting you put them all in your kitchen :eek: but I get there is a pic somewhere on the web you could borrow to illustrate.

Maybe each month you could say "we've saved xxx coffees this month, just xxxx to go" or whatever. I don't necessarily agree with babying grown adults like this but it sounds like you're running out of ideas.

Best of luck...