How do I curb wife's spending

Mojisola

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Yes some was spent on my wife's coffee, and I did not ask how much was on ice creams (it was frozen yogurts actually) I think they are about £3.50 each.

So what you both spent wasn't that different (2 x £3.50 plus her coffee against your drinks). And her spending is daily and yours was an occasional event.

Don't let her make you feel guilty!

Pay_no_attention

saterkey wrote: »

my feeling is that she is like a child, whinge, react, stomp and basically make your life crappy until they get what they want and you give in, you seem to do this every time, as a parent you do it to get some peace like chocs in a supermarket say, they know if works that you will still love them even though they get what they want and acted a spoilt brat.

Correlation to your situation, you have let her get away with too much, she has an amount she doesn't get more from you. you both get on board with the finances, we have 200 each per month for our spends, out of this is social, sport, pension, and spends, luxuries and clothes come out of this too. This is tight 300 is more reasonable if you can afford it, but we don't go in for designer stuff.

sounds like you are better off alone, I hate to say it, for peace and your sanity, make a break, separate the finances, now your daughter is 18 there should be no need to support her and your wife should be able to get by herself on her job and money work out her own bills, and debts, as I imagine most of the debts your paying off are hers anyway.

sorry it sounds like your her ticket to an easy life.

I have another daughter of 13 though as well.

killerpeaty

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

No I did not know this. This is the first experience of one of our family going to university. My daughter has got halls for the first year. The deposit has been sent for that.
Can grandparents be the guarantors as both sets are still alive and well? If this is not possible then I have another future problem on my hands.

I believe that anyone who will agree to the contract can be a guarantor however you may wish to ask the parents/in-laws now to be prepared. From my understanding, this is an agreement that means that they will be entirely financially responsible for any debts (rental arrears, damages, etc) if your daughter cannot pay. Obviously with the best will in the world, your daughter could be the best tenant in the world but (depending on the contract she signs) she will be joint responsible for any damages or if something were to happen that means she cannot pay... it's a big ask for someone else to take this responsibility. It could also reflect on their credit rating. I'm hoping that I'm being helpful rather than scare-mongering. My thinking is if you cannot find a UK guarantor, at least you have ~ 1 year to find the money.

Also does your daughter have a UK based bank account? I've heard of students getting into a bit of bother because their loans wouldn't pay into their non-UK banks. A bit more information

Pay_no_attention

Mojisola wrote: »

So what you both spent wasn't that different (2 x £3.50 plus her coffee against your drinks). And her spending is daily and yours was an occasional event.

Don't let her make you feel guilty!

That's why I was so shocked.
It could be the realisation now that she has a budget and she knows it has to last till 1st September! I doubt it though because during her outburst it soon got on to the subject of me not apologising.
Do you and your partner watch what each other spends? As this is what I feel like is going to be happening.

Pay_no_attention

killerpeaty wrote: »

I believe that anyone who will agree to the contract can be a guarantor however you may wish to ask the parents/in-laws now to be prepared. From my understanding, this is an agreement that means that they will be entirely financially responsible for any debts (rental arrears, damages, etc) if your daughter cannot pay. Obviously with the best will in the world, your daughter could be the best tenant in the world but (depending on the contract she signs) she will be joint responsible for any damages or if something were to happen that means she cannot pay... it's a big ask for someone else to take this responsibility. It could also reflect on their credit rating. I'm hoping that I'm being helpful rather than scare-mongering. My thinking is if you cannot find a UK guarantor, at least you have ~ 1 year to find the money.

Also does your daughter have a UK based bank account? I've heard of students getting into a bit of bother because their loans wouldn't pay into their non-UK banks. A bit more information

Yes she has a couple of UK bank accounts. She has only been here 8 months on and off as she goes back to the UK every 6 to 8 weeks.

Mojisola

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

That's why I was so shocked.
It could be the realisation now that she has a budget and she knows it has to last till 1st September! I doubt it though because during her outburst it soon got on to the subject of me not apologising.
Do you and your partner watch what each other spends? As this is what I feel like is going to be happening.

No, but we've got very similar attitudes towards spending.

I couldn't live with someone like your wife who seems determined not to see the truth about her spending and debts and also tries to sabotage your plans to reduce spending and make you feel bad about the whole thing.

maman

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

That's why I was so shocked.
It could be the realisation now that she has a budget and she knows it has to last till 1st September! I doubt it though because during her outburst it soon got on to the subject of me not apologising.
Do you and your partner watch what each other spends? As this is what I feel like is going to be happening.

We have our own money left after all bills paid. My DH often treats himself to things and then insists on justifying it to me! I just smile at him as he's obviously using me as his conscience. My view is that it's his money and he can spend it how he wishes. BUT, if he didn't have the money to pay his way on the bills then I would take a very different attitude!

I'd suggest you don't get involved in another argument but stand firm and don't apologise. You could ask your wife if she doesn't agree her behaviour was crafty how would she describe it? But that would just feed the argument that she seems to want to prolong.

Good idea to give the money back. When you do repeat that the £300 is first and foremost for groceries.

LittleMissAspie

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

I have always been curious how other people manage the household expenses.
What percentage of your salary do you think you have for yourself? I'm not asking for the amount just what kind of percentage.
Another thing that always crops up. I agree that toiletries should be paid for from household budget. But my wife likes fancy cleansers and bath scrubs etc. my argument is these should be paid for from her own money. What's your take on that?

I work 30 hours a week, my boyfriend works full time and his gross salary is nearly double mine. Like your wife, I have an addiction to fancy toiletries and coffee.

We have a joint account for mortgage, council tax, gas, elec, water, phone/internet, insurance, groceries, pet costs, petrol and decorating/household stuff. All of these items have a set budget which is rounded up from what they actually cost. Eg the water bill is £28 per month so the water budget is £30. That way I know all my bills are covered with a bit left for safety.

The total budget for all these things is divided by two and we pay that amount from our personal accounts into the joint account. Whatever is left in our personal accounts is ours to spend as we like. This equates to 26.5% of my takehome pay although I'm saving some of that towards the mortgage and I pay towards the running costs of his car.

I tend to put toiletries for my boyfriend into the shopping trolley so it comes out of the joint account, because he only uses cheap boring stuff. Any fancy stuff I want from elsewhere comes out of my own money.

I give myself £60 a month pocket money, although this doesn't include toiletries, clothes or health items like prescriptions or supplements. They are an extra £40 a month so £100 spending money a month in total.

Pay_no_attention

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

I work 30 hours a week, my boyfriend works full time and his gross salary is nearly double mine. Like your wife, I have an addiction to fancy toiletries and coffee.

We have a joint account for mortgage, council tax, gas, elec, water, phone/internet, insurance, groceries, pet costs, petrol and decorating/household stuff. All of these items have a set budget which is rounded up from what they actually cost. Eg the water bill is £28 per month so the water budget is £30. That way I know all my bills are covered with a bit left for safety.

The total budget for all these things is divided by two and we pay that amount from our personal accounts into the joint account. Whatever is left in our personal accounts is ours to spend as we like. This equates to 26.5% of my takehome pay although I'm saving some of that towards the mortgage and I pay towards the running costs of his car.

I tend to put toiletries for my boyfriend into the shopping trolley so it comes out of the joint account, because he only uses cheap boring stuff. Any fancy stuff I want from elsewhere comes out of my own money.

I give myself £60 a month pocket money, although this doesn't include toiletries, clothes or health items like prescriptions or supplements. They are an extra £40 a month so £100 spending money a month in total.

So let me get this right. If for argument sake your salary is £1000 per month and your boyfriends is £2000 per month and your household bills are £1500. You pay £750 each then you are left with approx £250 and your partner £1250.

Pay_no_attention

Sorry I should have asked do you think you will continue with the same arrangement if you was to marry?
I don't know if you have children yet but how does/will that work when you have to have time off work who will pay what then.
I'm beginning to find all this very interesting, I've spent most of my life being a provider,I have in some regards set myself up for some of this mess.
When I was little both my parents worked full time and was never home when I got in from school, they never made it to my sports days etc. I was determined my wife was to be a stay at home mum for this reason. It was only when my first daughter reached about 4 that my wife took a part time job,initially for only 6 hours per week it was more a social thing as we had moved to a new area etc.
When I lost my company this is what I felt so difficult to deal with, I was longer able to be the provider.
It took a year to pull myself together and start putting a plan together to get out of debt.