How do I curb wife's spending

triple_choc_chip

I think it is admirable that you wanted your wife to be a stay at home mum and for a time it worked well for you. But you should be partners working together in the poor times as well as the good times.

Now that the situation has changed she should be onside, helping you to restore the status quo and get the debts repaid as soon as possible. Then you can revert to the previous arrangement if that is what you both aspire to.

My ex-partner and I also pooled the expenses and then we spent our own monies, and yes if one earns more they can spend more. Even though I generally earned less, I saved more. He was the spendthrift and would always borrow to buy something, either on credit card or hp for a car, whereas I would save up for it.

Take a look at my signature, more than 2/3rds of that was money he loaned from me - we re-mortgaged and I used my cards to give him cash and I am now getting to the end of paying them more than 8 years since we finished. That's the effect love can have on your sensibilities!

LittleMissAspie

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

So let me get this right. If for argument sake your salary is £1000 per month and your boyfriends is £2000 per month and your household bills are £1500. You pay £750 each then you are left with approx £250 and your partner £1250.

Yes that's right. Some people pay towards bills according to what they earn, eg in my case that would be 38% from me and 62% from him, that's a good and fair way to do it as well. But I pay 50% because it's my choice to work part time and my choice to not be interested in going up a career ladder. I could earn more if I put in the effort but I don't, there's no reason why someone else should subsidise me for that choice.

We don't want children so that's not an issue. Now that your youngest is 13 she doesn't need a parent at home all the time, and indeed your wife works the same hours as me. So even though you have children I think our situations are pretty similar. I do think it's fairer to split the bills by earnings instead of a flat 50% where one parent has spent more time looking after children, as that is an important contribution as well.

I know my insistence on going halves might seem strange, but my parents were pretty stingy with money when I was growing up so I've always had to pay for things I wanted myself. The idea of someone giving me free money that I didn't earn myself is just weird.

Pay_no_attention

triple_choc_chip wrote: »

I think it is admirable that you wanted your wife to be a stay at home mum and for a time it worked well for you. But you should be partners working together in the poor times as well as the good times.

Now that the situation has changed she should be onside, helping you to restore the status quo and get the debts repaid as soon as possible. Then you can revert to the previous arrangement if that is what you both aspire to.

My ex-partner and I also pooled the expenses and then we spent our own monies, and yes if one earns more they can spend more. Even though I generally earned less, I saved more. He was the spendthrift and would always borrow to buy something, either on credit card or hp for a car, whereas I would save up for it.

Take a look at my signature, more than 2/3rds of that was money he loaned from me - we re-mortgaged and I used my cards to give him cash and I am now getting to the end of paying them more than 8 years since we finished. That's the effect love can have on your sensibilities!

Well done on nearly clearing your debt:T

Have you got a new partner now if so are you doing the finances any differently?
If you not got a new partner will you do things differently when you meet someone else?

Pay_no_attention

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

Yes that's right. Some people pay towards bills according to what they earn, eg in my case that would be 38% from me and 62% from him, that's a good and fair way to do it as well. But I pay 50% because it's my choice to work part time and my choice to not be interested in going up a career ladder. I could earn more if I put in the effort but I don't, there's no reason why someone else should subsidise me for that choice.

We don't want children so that's not an issue. Now that your youngest is 13 she doesn't need a parent at home all the time, and indeed your wife works the same hours as me. So even though you have children I think our situations are pretty similar. I do think it's fairer to split the bills by earnings instead of a flat 50% where one parent has spent more time looking after children, as that is an important contribution as well.

I know my insistence on going halves might seem strange, but my parents were pretty stingy with money when I was growing up so I've always had to pay for things I wanted myself. The idea of someone giving me free money that I didn't earn myself is just weird.

What an admiral mind set you have. Well done. I must have been a soft touch as even in my dating days I would always pay for nights out etc rarely I would accept a drink from a woman.
I don't know who instilled that in me as my parents never.
Although I was not educated to a high standard I always had a natural ability to earn good money. So it was never an issue for me as I could easily afford it at the time.

Here's a question for everyone seeing as I have two daughters is it still customary for the father of the bride to pick up the wedding bill?

ViolaLass

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Do you and your partner watch what each other spends?

No.

It's as simple as that. We have made sure that each of us knows how much money is available for what - whenever there have been overspends or disagreements, we've later realised that we hadn't been clear on how much was allowed for what - and after that we can spend what we like.

Incidentally, we pool all our money (which, in practice, is my earnings), save/pay bills as agreed and split what's left over each month, giving each of us about £150-200 spending money. We're allowed to do what we like with that. But this only works because I trust him.

I can't fathom just how difficult my relationship would be if I couldn't trust my OH with our money.

ViolaLass

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Here's a question for everyone seeing as I have two daughters is it still customary for the father of the bride to pick up the wedding bill?

I don't know whether it's still customary. I didn't ask my parents to pay - I wouldn't have dreamed of it. I was a grown woman choosing to get married, why should they pay for it?

Surely the vital question for you is 'can I afford it'? As and when that event arrives, contribute as you want/can. Don't be driven by perceptions of tradition.

triple_choc_chip

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Well done on nearly clearing your debt:T

Have you got a new partner now if so are you doing the finances any differently?
If you not got a new partner will you do things differently when you meet someone else?

Yes I have a new partner and life is very different. He has no debt, his house is paid for etc. It was the way he lived his life that inspired me and eventually led to my LBM after I met him.

We were on our first foreign holiday and I couldn't withdraw any money from my cards - I didn't understand at that time that cash advances from credit cards were a poor choice and only allowed to a set percentage of credit limit. He paid for everything and I vowed when I got home I would sort my situation out and then live the way he does.

That was 2008 and I will officially be debt free tomorrow, from now on keeping it simple and spending on needs, not wants and saving again for the big things - first target a newer car!

LittleMissAspie

killerpeaty wrote: »

I believe that anyone who will agree to the contract can be a guarantor

Sorry no, they usually have to have a decent income. If grandparents are retired they may not be accepted, it depends on their income and the letting agency.

http://www.landlordzone.co.uk/sureties_&_guarantees.htm

Best thing is to save up for the full year's rent, possibly in secret so that wife can't spend it. If it's not needed it then it can go on the debt.

Pay_no_attention

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

Sorry no, they usually have to have a decent income. If grandparents are retired they may not be accepted, it depends on their income and the letting agency.

http://www.landlordzone.co.uk/sureties_&_guarantees.htm

Best thing is to save up for the full year's rent, possibly in secret so that wife can't spend it. If it's not needed it then it can go on the debt.

I'm due about £15k in January and was going to clear two card debts. Now maybe it will be wise if I clear one only and save the other half towards year two accommodation fees. I would imagine the cost will be 5 or 6 k for the year.

Dimey

I think most couples pay for their own weddings nowadays. Each parent or sets of parents just give a lump of money as a wedding gift so the happy couple can use it how they want.

Just a clarification about the £17 treat. So you're going to take that out of your £50 personal allowance this week and pay back the £300 Family food budget - correct? Good

Be careful not to make another faux pas like that again :-)

Maybe your wife getting upset over taking the £17 from the food budget is a good thing in a funny kind of way. She's grasped that the £300 food budget needs preserving. Maybe she'll learn from you paying it back that that's what she must do too.

I personally don't think the financial irresponsibility is a subject worthy of considering splitting up. Its just soooooo frustrating reading how she's manipulating you and how you fall for it every time! I want to speak to PNAWife myself to get through to her :-)

You are on the right track. Its early days. You PNA are partly responsible for having this out dated "Me he-man provider" mentality. As PNAwife gets used to managing budgets and paying off debts, she'll calm down and be less of a frivolous accompaniment and more of an equal partner.