How do I curb wife's spending

ViolaLass

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

I'm due about £15k in January and was going to clear two card debts. Now maybe it will be wise if I clear one only and save the other half towards year two accommodation fees. I would imagine the cost will be 5 or 6 k for the year.

Can't your daughter pay for at least some of it from her loan? In fact, shouldn't SHE be coming up with a solution to this problem?

maman

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Here's a question for everyone seeing as I have two daughters is it still customary for the father of the bride to pick up the wedding bill?

ViolaLass wrote: »

I don't know whether it's still customary. I didn't ask my parents to pay - I wouldn't have dreamed of it. I was a grown woman choosing to get married, why should they pay for it?

Surely the vital question for you is 'can I afford it'? As and when that event arrives, contribute as you want/can. Don't be driven by perceptions of tradition.

I agree, you do what's comfortable rather than tradition. I don't think it's as common as it was but it still happens.

We have two DDs and paid for both weddings. We certainly weren't asked, we did it because we wanted to. They both had the money saved so when we picked up the bills it freed their money for other things.

PNA, I'm not advising that you become mean with your wife and daughters for ever after. It's just that you can't afford to be generous at the moment and they need to realise that. My DH and I love to treat our DDs whenever we can. You'll be able to do that when the debts are cleared if you want to. What mustn't be done (and I know you realise this but your wife doesn't YET) is to spend money that you don't have or which is owed to creditors.

I don't understand the 'provider' attitude but I know it's true of many men. Why when I'm educated and qualified to the same/higher standard should I sit at home and do nothing while my DH goes out and works himself into the ground? I know there need to be temporary exceptions for children but that's all IMO.

Pay_no_attention

Thanks to all you kind people wo have posted today. I'm gathering lots of information and ideas on how to keep moving forward.

My daughter has gone on a 200 mile round trip in the car today. I filled it up on Wednesday and no one but her has used the car since then, so I said to her this morning " would you mind filling the car back up tonight as only you have used it" I got a snarl from her but if she does this then that's a hat trick this week.
Phone top up
Room deposit
Petrol:)

Pay_no_attention

ViolaLass wrote: »

Can't your daughter pay for at least some of it from her loan? In fact, shouldn't SHE be coming up with a solution to this problem?

I just learned today that because we live abroad landlords may want a years rent in advance. I not sure if she is aware of this problem yet as I only found out today.

ViolaLass

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

I just learned today that because we live abroad landlords may want a years rent in advance. I not sure if she is aware of this problem yet as I only found out today.

So tell her.

I still don't see why you need to be in charge of finding a solution.

Doing the best for people doesn't have to mean doing everything for them or giving them everything they want.

Pay_no_attention

ViolaLass wrote: »

So tell her.

I still don't see why you need to be in charge of finding a solution.

Doing the best for people doesn't have to mean doing everything for them or giving them everything they want.

I will speak with her tonight. Their must be other people in a similar situation I suppose.

TheFactory

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Thanks to all you kind people wo have posted today. I'm gathering lots of information and ideas on how to keep moving forward.

My daughter has gone on a 200 mile round trip in the car today. I filled it up on Wednesday and no one but her has used the car since then, so I said to her this morning " would you mind filling the car back up tonight as only you have used it" I got a snarl from her but if she does this then that's a hat trick this week.
Phone top up
Room deposit
Petrol:)

I think your doing great, you are learning to be more cautious with your money, which also has the by-product of making your family actualy aprieciate it when you do give them a bit of money/buy something.

Pay off your cards with the money, don't subsidise your daughters living arrangements - if you were debt free then of course, but we both know you can't really afford it.

Caroline_a

I would say that a lot depends on which university she goes to. My daughter was in halls for 3 years. When in her 4th year she shared a house with 4 other girls, they weren't asked for a guarantor, so I guess it depends.

lady1964

I've been reading this thread over the past couple of days and so sorry if I've missed the answer to this but I'm curious: Your wife works 30 hours per week, does any of her salary go towards the bills and/or the debts or does she keep it all for herself & still get £50 per week from you for her spends?

ViolaLass

PAN, I appreciate you may not want to say but if you were to tell us which university your daughter is going to, people here might be able to tell you what the usual accommodation situation is. Apologies if you've already said where.