How do I curb wife's spending

Pay_no_attention

So far so good. I do not know how much of the budget my wife has spent yet as I do not want to ask. I only know of one coffee trip since the ice cream purchases on Saturday.
Realistically though £300 might not be enough per week, as it seems to be me asking for money from the budget to be reimbursed for groceries I have bought. Wednesday is warehouse day,so i always get a few bits and bobs to top up the cupboards.
Toiletries are quite expensive where we live so before all this kerfuffle about the overspending I was on a mission to get a years supply of everything.
Been getting everything when it goes on offer at wilkinson,Costco etc. think I just about got everything now just got to get it over to here.

maman

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

So far so good. I do not know how much of the budget my wife has spent yet as I do not want to ask. I only know of one coffee trip since the ice cream purchases on Saturday.
Realistically though £300 might not be enough per week, as it seems to be me asking for money from the budget to be reimbursed for groceries I have bought. Wednesday is warehouse day,so i always get a few bits and bobs to top up the cupboards.
Toiletries are quite expensive where we live so before all this kerfuffle about the overspending I was on a mission to get a years supply of everything.
Been getting everything when it goes on offer at wilkinson,Costco etc. think I just about got everything now just got to get it over to here.

Do tell me that's a typo! You must mean per month???

Pay_no_attention

maman wrote: »

Do tell me that's a typo! You must mean per month???

Sorry it was a typo I meant per month. It was very late when I wrote that.

maman

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Sorry it was a typo I meant per month. It was very late when I wrote that.

Oh good.:)

I thought the £300 was your wife's budget for groceries and anything she could save from that she could spend on coffees. I originally thought that was a bit tight (I budget well on £25 per person per week) but thought as these are really top up shops of fresh food to go with your warehouse/bulk stuff then it was OK. Particularly as your DD1 will only be there for part of the month.

Sorry to hear that toiletries are expensive. As you know, basics can be very cheap here (£ shops, Wilkos etc). That being said, I don't get through masses of toiletries. I find toothpaste, shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, soap etc seem to last really well and certainly aren't on my list every week. But I'm a clean person, honest:D;)

What did you mean by 'Realistically though £300 might not be enough per month, as it seems to be me asking for money from the budget to be reimbursed for groceries I have bought'

Who's asking for reimbursement? I'm confused (again:o).

Pay_no_attention

maman wrote: »

Oh good.:)

I thought the £300 was your wife's budget for groceries and anything she could save from that she could spend on coffees. I originally thought that was a bit tight (I budget well on £25 per person per week) but thought as these are really top up shops of fresh food to go with your warehouse/bulk stuff then it was OK. Particularly as your DD1 will only be there for part of the month.

Sorry to hear that toiletries are expensive. As you know, basics can be very cheap here (£ shops, Wilkos etc). That being said, I don't get through masses of toiletries. I find toothpaste, shower gel, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, soap etc seem to last really well and certainly aren't on my list every week. But I'm a clean person, honest:D;)

What did you mean by 'Realistically though £300 might not be enough per month, as it seems to be me asking for money from the budget to be reimbursed for groceries I have bought'

Who's asking for reimbursement? I'm confused (again:o).

Previously we had no budget to work to,I was doing all the grocery shopping but not in one hit ( we all dieting at moment so buying lots of salad and fruit which I like to buy fresh) my wife was coming to me asking for 30 here and 40 their on top of what I was spending on groceries. So it was decided she would manage the food budget which we have initially set at 300 per month,but if she thinks she has enough to get a coffee or a lunch then it can come out of this budget too.
If my wife phones me and asks can you pick something up from the supermarket then I ask for the money back out of the £300
The first few months are going to be a bit hit and miss as it may need adjusting. But we will be one family member down in a months time so £300 might be too much and we can manage on £250.

Pay_no_attention

i have finally got round to doing an SOA which i will post later today. Just trying to go through it and make sure their is nothing i missed off.
My SOA is not straightforward so thought i would explain a little before i post it. We currently live in rented accommodation although owning three properties. Two are let and one is empty from this month,my figures are allowing no rental income from this one property.
we have no choice over the school fees. Not living in the uk at the moment so no alternative as not allowed to register with state school.
once it is posted i will probably find a few tweeks here and their.

markdebby

Looking forward to your post.

joanne109

Lurking subscriber here - how's it going?

Joanne

Little_Miss_Winner

How you doing POA? - another subscriber here

pennies_from_Heaven

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

It's kicked off big style this morning!
I started out with good intentions of trying to sort something regarding setting a budget but it just ended in a big row about the money that was taken.
I mentioned about how much money we had gone through in less than a week. On top of this amount their is the £45 that was taken. Straight away she tries to turn the tables to make me feel bad. Things like ill cancel my dentist appointment tomorrow, I'll give you the £45 back. You can keep your money! I don't want any of your money!
This is why most of the time I just feel its easier not to say anything.
So now she has gone off to work upset and I'm sitting here questioning myself.

Sorry if this has been covered before, I'm just working my way through the posts I've missed whilst on my hols.

Its interesting the use of 'your' money, instead of 'our' money in the above statement. Maybe that's the issue, she sees it as she has given you her money to look after, and that she doesn't see why she can't have some of her money back? Even if she is not aware of it, it may be a psychological response to the situation. Personally I think the best way forward would be as follows:

1. You say you earn a lot more than your wife. So if your joint income is 30k for example, and she earns 10k, open a separate bank account for all household bills and you put in 2/3rds) of the total amount, and she puts in 1/3rd of the amount to cover those bills, then you will have each contributed a fair and 'equal' amount based on your salaries.

2. Then you keep your remaining money completely to yourself, under lock and key if necessary, to be spent on your debts or whatever you want, wife does the same.

3. You let your wife sort herself out with the remainder of 'her' money, including debts, toiletries etc, everything other than the joint stuff.

From my perspective I would also take over the groceries until you know that things are on a more even keel, and that she won't 'steal' the money.

Then she can't be teenager like or use the 'your' money card, as any adult must realise that they have to contribute to their own living expenses which she is doing out of her money, then the rest is hers.

Like I say, sorry if this has been covered before of things have changed nearer the end of the thread, I'm only on post 112!!

Good luck,
Pennies x