How do I curb wife's spending

Pay_no_attention

cte1111 wrote: »

It's not nice to be criticized by your partner, so I can understand why your wife is upset. However she did effectively steal money from the household budget. I think 'crafty' is a lot more tactful than 'thief', which you could have been justified in using.

You could try and say something like you're sorry that she's upset, but this is why you were forced to be harsh with her - the ongoing problems with over-spending which had led to her taking cash and hiding that from you. You're really glad that she's acknowledged that it's not good to take the money without discussing it first.

I wil try this approach when she finally returns home.
She went out at 10 supposedly just to get a few groceries. I'm just hoping the argument has not caused her to go on a shopping spree with the £300:(
I have been using the time on my own productively. I retrieved the cash box from the garage and transferred all the bill money into separate envelopes in the cash tin. I have moved from 4 tins to 15 envelopes as some of the bills I budget for are all due at different times. Some annual,some quarterly and some monthly. I'm quite chuffed with the new system.
Hopefully my wife will not be upset about me moving the money now she has the grocery budget.

Pay_no_attention

kerri_gt wrote: »

or don't, and when the LL follows up, say openly, my wife took the rent money and spent it elsewhere - would you like to speak to her? She wouldn't like it, and would no doubt blow up about it, but it would show her in no uncertain terms the consequences of those actions.

I would love to do this but if I don't pay the rent within the first 5 days of the month their is a 20% penalty. It sure makes you pay on time. I wonder if that would be legal in the UK?

Mojisola

kerri_gt wrote: »

or don't, and when the LL follows up, say openly, my wife took the rent money and spent it elsewhere - would you like to speak to her? She wouldn't like it, and would no doubt blow up about it, but it would show her in no uncertain terms the consequences of those actions.

I think this is why it's so hard to get her to face reality - no matters what she does, you fix it. Her actions never come back on her.

maman

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

It was the one word I did not want to use.
She had mentioned during the argument that day "it's not your money,its our money" I said yes but that particular money was allocated to pay our rent so in effect it's not our money anymore its the landlords. It's me who has to try and find it from somewhere else to replace it.

I think you're using commendable restraint not to turn on her and say that 'crafty' is an understatement and thief more accurately describes what she did. I'd stick with crafty and if she persists in the 'our money' nonsense then just point out that she needs to be responsible with 'our' money otherwise 'we' will never be debt free. Craftily finding ways around saving like 'robbing Peter to pay Paul' (so taking rent money to top up her spending money) isn't going to work.

I'd stick to your guns and refuse to apologise. She's obviously pondering on it, hence the message. My take on it is that she doesn't like what you called her because she knows it's true and the truth hurts.

Back on the £300 question: are you saying that because you bulk buy loads of things then the groceries will just amount to fresh things like fruit/veg, milk and bread? I just can't get my head around how she's going to feed the family on what's left from the coffee money. Presumably she's out now spending some of it?;)

Pay_no_attention

maman wrote: »

I think you're using commendable restraint not to turn on her and say that 'crafty' is an understatement and thief more accurately describes what she did. I'd stick with crafty and if she persists in the 'our money' nonsense then just point out that she needs to be responsible with 'our' money otherwise 'we' will never be debt free.

I'd stick to your guns and refuse to apologise. She's obviously pondering on it, hence the message. My take on it is that she doesn't like what you called her because she knows it's true and the truth hurts.

Back on the £300 question: are you saying that because you bulk buy loads of things then the groceries will just amount to fresh things like fruit/veg, milk and bread? I just can't get my head around how she's going to feed the family on what's left from the coffee money. Presumably she's out now spending some of it?;)

I stated on Thursday anything I pick up from the warehouse she will have to reimburse me for.
I do hope she is not out now blowing the budget,but am concerned why she is not back with fridge and freezer stuff!

maman

maman wrote: »

Presumably she's out now spending some of it?;)

Cross posted:)

Betty_Crumble

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

I stated on Thursday anything I pick up from the warehouse she will have to reimburse me for.
I do hope she is not out now blowing the budget,but am concerned why she is not back with fridge and freezer stuff!

is this really how you want to live?

Mojisola

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

When we was separated I was paying the mortgage on our UK property so they would have a roof over their heads.

My wife had a 16 per week part time job that she had for 14 years.
She has ran up her own card debts with which she has payment arrangements for which at the moment I'm paying.

I thought I'd read this on one of your posts - she ran up debts but you're paying them off.

Actions = consequences for most adults but not for her.

nat21luv

After reading this page I think you should put my plan into action ASAP. Split the £300 in two(or whatever's left of it!) and go from there. If you run out of food, you run out. She needs to learn and I'm afraid there are two types of relationships in the world;

~Parent/ Child or
~Equals.

I'm sorry to say you are the former and you will never be the latter unless you push her into changing. If she doesn't like it, you'll seperate. If you carry on as you are you will resent her and you'll seperate. You really have nothing to lose.

pinkshoes

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

I stated on Thursday anything I pick up from the warehouse she will have to reimburse me for.
I do hope she is not out now blowing the budget,but am concerned why she is not back with fridge and freezer stuff!

If she has blown it all, stand firm, and DO NOT hand any more money over. Just make sure you eat well at work!

She has to learn, and she needs to show some respect for you, otherwise your marriage is pointless.