How do I curb wife's spending

Mojisola

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

That's why I going to monitor it for the next three months. It may have to be increased or there might be adjustment down,hopeful I know.

One thing to introduce when she doesn't manage to stick to the budget is a notebook - very cheap, very simple. Get her to write down in the notebook every time she spends anything and what she bought.

Once she's done that for a while, you can transfer it to spreadsheet - food shopping, coffee, magazines, bus/train fares, petrol, etc - and show just how much is being frittered away on non-essentials.

Pay_no_attention

Mojisola wrote: »

One thing to introduce when she doesn't manage to stick to the budget is a notebook - very cheap, very simple. Get her to write down in the notebook every time she spends anything and what she bought.

Once she's done that for a while, you can transfer it to spreadsheet - food shopping, coffee, magazines, bus/train fares, petrol, etc - and show just how much is being frittered away on non-essentials.

This is the kind of thing I love doing. I used to buy diaries from the pound shop near christmas and used to write everything down. I then started to doing it on my phone but it was not the same. I did try to get her to do the same with a spending diary but after a couple weeks she lost interest. I often flick back through my diaries.
I just think I'm never going to be able to get her interested.

Pay_no_attention

I have debated all morning about writing this next post. I feel like I'm asking for marriage guidance rather than help with spending habits.
I got up early this morning as I knew I had about 3 hours of paper work to do.i thought if I get it out the way we have the rest of the weekend free.
An hour in to my work and my wife gets up and straightaway she is on my case again for not apologising as I called her "crafty" she said until I apologise it will not bring the argument to an end,also by not apologising that's what I must really think of her. I didn't give in and apologise so things got more heated. She has now gone out with my youngest daughter,my other daughter is at work and now I'm home alone for the day.
She has since messaged me to say she knows she is being childish and pathetic about it.
I just want a peaceful life and feel like giving in as she has put me under so much pressure to do so.

ViolaLass

Has she apologised for taking the money?

Betty_Crumble

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

I have debated all morning about writing this next post. I feel like I'm asking for marriage guidance rather than help with spending habits.
I got up early this morning as I knew I had about 3 hours of paper work to do.i thought if I get it out the way we have the rest of the weekend free.
An hour in to my work and my wife gets up and straightaway she is on my case again for not apologising as I called her "crafty" she said until I apologise it will not bring the argument to an end,also by not apologising that's what I must really think of her. I didn't give in and apologise so things got more heated. She has now gone out with my youngest daughter,my other daughter is at work and now I'm home alone for the day.
She has since messaged me to say she knows she is being childish and pathetic about it.
I just want a peaceful life and feel like giving in as she has put me under so much pressure to do so.

I fear this is where you may be going 'wrong' You aren't getting a quiet life are you, you are being held to ransom by an adult acting like a stroppy child. If your wife wants to be treated as an equal then she needs to act like one. Please stop pandering to her. She is undermining everything you are doing, there's no respect there. And yet she has the audacity to demand an apology. She needs a short, sharp shock in my opinion and the only way she is going to get one is if you stop doubting yourself and stick to your guns. if she can't see you are doing whats best for all of you and continues to do whats best from her then I would be struggling to keep the peace.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, I wasn't going to post, it's just that I think you need a bit of a push to stick by your guns, you are not doing anything wrong.

Pay_no_attention

ViolaLass wrote: »

Has she apologised for taking the money?

She apologised on Thursday about not telling me about it. Not for taking it.

ViolaLass

Well, I'm not recommending this but were I in your position, I would be tempted to say:

"Would you rather I called you a thief?"

cte1111

It's not nice to be criticized by your partner, so I can understand why your wife is upset. However she did effectively steal money from the household budget. I think 'crafty' is a lot more tactful than 'thief', which you could have been justified in using.

You could try and say something like you're sorry that she's upset, but this is why you were forced to be harsh with her - the ongoing problems with over-spending which had led to her taking cash and hiding that from you. You're really glad that she's acknowledged that it's not good to take the money without discussing it first.

Pay_no_attention

ViolaLass wrote: »

Well, I'm not recommending this but were I in your position, I would be tempted to say:

"Would you rather I called you a thief?"

It was the one word I did not want to use.
She had mentioned during the argument that day "it's not your money,its our money" I said yes but that particular money was allocated to pay our rent so in effect it's not our money anymore its the landlords. It's me who has to try and find it from somewhere else to replace it.

kerri_gt

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

It's me who has to try and find it from somewhere else to replace it.

or don't, and when the LL follows up, say openly, my wife took the rent money and spent it elsewhere - would you like to speak to her? She wouldn't like it, and would no doubt blow up about it, but it would show her in no uncertain terms the consequences of those actions.