How do I curb wife's spending

Dimey

fudgecat wrote: »

There is something about this thread that I do not understand. How did your wife find employment so quickly on coming out to join you? How did your wife manage on benefits for 4 YEARS when you were separated? A woman who can manage alone on such a limited amount of money simply does not square with the picture you paint of your wife at the moment. Surely you must have realised this for yourself?
I would suggest that you both buy a copy of a A Doll`s House with your personal money - and read it.

Yes I found that to be a bit of a mystery.... which was why I mused a few posts back whether she is wiser that she appears and was possibly squirreling money away in a secret account for a rainy day.

Given PNA's answer to you I think I'm barking up the wrong tree. Wife was clearly as financially incompetent then as she is now. And guess who's picking up the pieces again!!!

nat21luv

I think you should split that £300 into a food budget pot and eating out pot. Ask that the food budget pot needs receipts, the eating out she can do what she likes with. That way there will always be food in the house. I would even suggest that she takes you out to lunch later in the month using the eating out fund, see if she can make it last that long

You are a very generous and patient man. I would of lost my rag a long time ago....

3 coffees a day= £9 x 365

=£3285 !!!!!

1 coffee a day= £3 x 365

=£1095 !!!!

chevalier

Good morning PNO. I have been struggling to find a way to positively contribute to your thread.

I don't believe I am alone when I say that I find the family dynamic rather difficult. I cannot imagine being in a marriage, where the other party deliberately sabotages you, and by their behaviour encourages a child to follow in her foot steps.

I think you did the right thing in making her agree to the 300 a month. And when you DIDN'T pay for you daughters top up. I really hope your OH steps up and proves you wrong. But from what I have read I doubt it.

I wonder why you didn't do a Statement of Affairs at the beginning to help us understand your situation better. Was it because you thought you knew what the problem was? It might still be a worthwhile exercise to do it. Along with a snow ball calculation. IF ONLY TO SHOW THEM TO YOUR WIFE.

I truely don't believe that your OH believes that there is a problem. The money you and she earns, must feel like a fortune after scrimping and saving on the benefits for 4 years. It seems to me as if she thinks that all the debt you had when you split up has magically gone away. She DOES know that most of it is still owed?

Out of interest is there any reason now for hanging onto the house? Could it be sold at a decent profit to repay the debts? Also I would have thought the business debt went with the business, were you personally liable?

Good luck

chev

Dimey

nat21luv wrote: »

I think you should split that £300 into a food budget pot and eating out pot. Ask that the food budget pot needs receipts, the eating out she can do what she likes with. That way there will always be food in the house. I would even suggest that she takes you out to lunch later in the month using the eating out fund, see if she can make it last that long

You are a very generous and patient man. I would of lost my rag a long time ago....

3 coffees a day= £9 x 365

=£3285 !!!!!

1 coffee a day= £3 x 365

=£1095 !!!!

Very good idea Nat21, under the circumstances.

On the coffee front, I have a coffee in a coffee shop less than once a month. More than once a day is pretty unusual even for someone who hasn't got money worries.

Dimey

chevalier wrote: »

Good morning PNO. I have been struggling to find a way to positively contribute to your thread.

I don't believe I am alone when I say that I find the family dynamic rather difficult. I cannot imagine being in a marriage, where the other party deliberately sabotages you, and by their behaviour encourages a child to follow in her foot steps.

I think you did the right thing in making her agree to the 300 a month. And when you DIDN'T pay for you daughters top up. I really hope your OH steps up and proves you wrong. But from what I have read I doubt it.

I wonder why you didn't do a Statement of Affairs at the beginning to help us understand your situation better. Was it because you thought you knew what the problem was? It might still be a worthwhile exercise to do it. Along with a snow ball calculation. IF ONLY TO SHOW THEM TO YOUR WIFE.

I truely don't believe that your OH believes that there is a problem. The money you and she earns, must feel like a fortune after scrimping and saving on the benefits for 4 years. It seems to me as if she thinks that all the debt you had when you split up has magically gone away. She DOES know that most of it is still owed?

Out of interest is there any reason now for hanging onto the house? Could it be sold at a decent profit to repay the debts? Also I would have thought the business debt went with the business, were you personally liable?

Good luck

chev

I agree with all you say Chevalier but from PNA's recent post it reveals that Wife didn't struggle at all during the 4 years on benefits. PNA was paying the mortgage and subsidising her (obviously paying for the children too) - in his misguided over-generous way.
So Wife has never had to be responsible and was as oblivious to the consequences of the debt problem then as she is now.

Pay_no_attention

nat21luv wrote: »

I think you should split that £300 into a food budget pot and eating out pot. Ask that the food budget pot needs receipts, the eating out she can do what she likes with. That way there will always be food in the house. I would even suggest that she takes you out to lunch later in the month using the eating out fund, see if she can make it last that long

You are a very generous and patient man. I would of lost my rag a long time ago....

3 coffees a day= £9 x 365

=£3285 !!!!!

1 coffee a day= £3 x 365

=£1095 !!!!

Today she has gone off out to the supermarket, as far as I am aware this will be the first bit of spending she has done since receiving the £300 on Thursday.
I like the idea you are suggesting but feel if I start suggesting things like that I know she will say I'm controlling her. I think for the first month at least I have got to give it a try.

Pay_no_attention

chevalier wrote: »

Good morning PNO. I have been struggling to find a way to positively contribute to your thread.

I don't believe I am alone when I say that I find the family dynamic rather difficult. I cannot imagine being in a marriage, where the other party deliberately sabotages you, and by their behaviour encourages a child to follow in her foot steps.

I think you did the right thing in making her agree to the 300 a month. And when you DIDN'T pay for you daughters top up. I really hope your OH steps up and proves you wrong. But from what I have read I doubt it.

I wonder why you didn't do a Statement of Affairs at the beginning to help us understand your situation better. Was it because you thought you knew what the problem was? It might still be a worthwhile exercise to do it. Along with a snow ball calculation. IF ONLY TO SHOW THEM TO YOUR WIFE.

I truely don't believe that your OH believes that there is a problem. The money you and she earns, must feel like a fortune after scrimping and saving on the benefits for 4 years. It seems to me as if she thinks that all the debt you had when you split up has magically gone away. She DOES know that most of it is still owed?

Out of interest is there any reason now for hanging onto the house? Could it be sold at a decent profit to repay the debts? Also I would have thought the business debt went with the business, were you personally liable?

Good luck

chev

I think in the next day or so I will do a statement of affairs although it will be very complicated. But will attempt.
When we was separated it was a big struggle for me to pay the mortgage on he UK property and my own rent. at the end of 2011 I said I can not go on like this and we agreed to try and sell. The house went on the market beginning of 2012 and in 9 months we did not get any interest.
I went back to the UK when work commitments allowed to bring the house into shape. I had it all repainted and did all necessary repairs.
It was on these trips back that we came up with the idea of trying again and for them to move out here with me. As the house would not sell we put it on the rental market and found a tenant within a few days. It was only a six month tenancy and now its back on the market again for rent and sale. The tenants are still in situ as they are in the process of buying a house in a different part of the country. I think they will move in September when school starts.
Yes we do have decent equity in the house that's why I kept up the mortgage payments as I didn't want it being repossessed.
Regards the business debt I had a personal guarantee with my bank, also I had a directors loan,so both of these had to be repaid. Stupidly my wife purchased all the stock and machinery from the company as the liquidators were hounding her. That went on one of her credit cards. I was quite ill at the time suffering with stress and depression. She did not discuss the purchase with me at the time 5 years ago.
Now we are paying every month to store all this stuff but that's another story.

Pay_no_attention

The two business debts are cleared this year. Directors loan beginning of September and the personal guarantee November. Yay:T will then be £300 per month better off. I have let these two debts drag on and only paying £150 per month towards each of them as no interest was added.
I have a £15k windfall coming in January which hopefully clear two of the highest interest credit cards.

maman

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

The two business debts are cleared this year. Directors loan beginning of September and the personal guarantee November. Yay:T will then be £300 per month better off. I have let these two debts drag on and only paying £150 per month towards each of them as no interest was added.
I have a £15k windfall coming in January which hopefully clear two of the highest interest credit cards.

That's brilliant but make sure your wife understands that you have to keep this budgeting going until you're debt free. If she's extravagant now just think how she'd feel if there was £15 000 on its way and £300 a month 'spare' cash.

I've been thinking about your budget and, without knowing where you live, on UK prices £300 for 3.5 people for a month is quite frugal for food/groceries. I budget £25 per person per week and that's being quite sensible. I just can't see how she's going to pay for food and have her coffees. If we use nat's calculations of £9 per day, that's at least £270 a month on coffee. Have I missed something?

Pay_no_attention

maman wrote: »

That's brilliant but make sure your wife understands that you have to keep this budgeting going until you're debt free. If she's extravagant now just think how she'd feel if there was £15 000 on its way and £300 a month 'spare' cash.

I've been thinking about your budget and, without knowing where you live, on UK prices £300 for 3.5 people for a month is quite frugal for food/groceries. I budget £25 per person per week and that's being quite sensible. I just can't see how she's going to pay for food and have her coffees. If we use nat's calculations of £9 per day, that's at least £270 a month on coffee. Have I missed something?

That's why I going to monitor it for the next three months. It may have to be increased or there might be adjustment down,hopeful I know.
I do bulk buy as much as possible as well as having a bit of an obsession on saving money i also have an obsession on saving time. I've not always been like that but think time is so important as you never get it back. My kids hate me for it as I'm always quoting statistics on how much time they waste:)