How do I curb wife's spending

NinjaSavingKat

Waiting with bated breath on updates. Really hope everything went well for you.

Pay_no_attention

slowcoachme wrote: »

I am also reading this post with interest, I think you are a decent man trying to do the best for your family. But, just a thought, you say you do not live in the UK, if you live outside Europe your daughter may not be eligible for a student loan and may have to pay full fees on top.
As I understand it one has to be resident in UK for 3 years before getting these entitlements. I lived outside Europe and returned to UK so that my daughter joined Year 10 and was then able to claim same loan as UK residents.

We are living inside of Europe. I have been here nearly 5 years and wife and kids around 8 months. So far we have not experienced any problems with the paper work we have had to submit.

nicp60

PNO - has your daughter already applied for student finance? Please note that this is completely separate from the UCAS side of things. I suspect that she may be classed as an international student despite holding a UK passport, although the fact that she's only been away for 8 months may help.
Have a check through here: http://www.studentfinance.direct.gov.uk/portal/page?_pageid=153,4680119&_dad=portal

This is also a calculator that I get students to use to work out their eligibility: http://www.studentfinance.direct.gov.uk/portal/page?_pageid=153%2C4680136&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL

Alternatively you can call them, but they're pretty terrible on the phone and they're hugely busy at this time of year.

I really would look into this as soon as possible if you can.

Granariesgirl

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

1) last night I used a credit card repayment calculator to show the difference in what interest would be paid if we had used the £300 that was spent last week on an extra payment towards the card.
Two of my debts are credit card debts. One for £8000 at 29.9% for 4 years i was just paying the minimum payment,if I had continued like that it would take 23years and 16,000 in interest to pay it off!
When I entered in £8,300 it was nearly £20,000 in interest. So that £300 extra would have ended up costing £4000. Even I was shocked. I have all this printed out ready to show her today.
I am also going to print of the spreadsheets with income/ outgoings every month and also the spreadsheet I have with how the debt has come down over the last 4 years. Hope it's not too much information to throw at her at once. She may get bored with it:)

My eldest daughter has no respect for the value of money at the moment,leaves it lying around everywhere, bedroom floor,carrier bags,different handbags.
She can save though, but when possible she will take from me. Yes it's been my fault most of the time for not being firm with her.
The subject of the room deposit came up again last night, she said we need to send the uni my room deposit. I asked how we can send it. She replied debit card,bank transfer,cheque. So I said give me the money then and I will do it for you. She replied " oh but,but..." Then said " I haven't got it" then it was oh it doesn't matter. It was only a week ago she told me she had nearly £2000 saved for when she goes to uni.
So it's more of a case of trying to use my money rather than her own.

GOOD MAN! Keep it up! Have a beer on me...
:beer:

rockm87

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

Here's a first. It was top up day for the mobile phones today. Normally I go to the shop and do everyone's inc my daughter. Today I made sure she was with me and I just stood behind her in the queue and didn't offer to pay. I actually found it quite hard to do that. But I went through with it and saved £15!

thats fantastic!! slowly but surely. keep going.

Pay_no_attention

First of all sorry for the delay in posting the out come of yesterday's show down.

For a quick review of what happened yesterday for the people that don't want to read the full account,my wife has agreed to the budget of £300 per month. Also we have made a joint agreement on what should and should not be purchased out of our personal money.

Ok here's the full story of 5.5 hours of discussions.
Yesterday morning started off very frosty from the nights before arguments, but I was determined to get it sorted once and for all.
To try and get her attention to discuss anything of a serious matter is always difficult especially where money and finances are concerned.
Her gripe was never having access to money if she wanted to get a bit of extra groceries or for coffee and lunch out if she fancies. She said if she had asked for the 45 she took I would have kicked up a fuss about it. I explained i was more upset that she hadn't told me about it rather than her actually having the money. I think she thought I would not notice. I would just like to point out i never accused her of stealing it,but I did call her crafty,as the money went missing between the Monday and the Saturday and on the Sunday she asked me for another 35 to take our eldest daughter out. I gave her the 35 as at this stage I didn't know she had already taken the 45.
I said to her we have got to slow down with the spending as I do not think you realise how much we are going through each week. I then produced my list of what we had spent during that week £297. She managed to produce one receipt for £15 from the supermarket but the rest was for her birthday meal and eating out. This did shock her a little bit.
Then her attitude changed,and she threw a bit of a tantrum throwing £10 at me she had left in her purse and saying she will take her birthday gift back. Saying she shouldn't have to ask me for money but on the same token she shouldn't have to take it from the money I have set aside for the bills and not saying anything.
A few tears and tantrums later I said I have wrote down a figure which I think will be a suitable amount for you to do the groceries and if you fancy a coffee etc.
I asked her what figure she thought would be enough for the whole month so she could keep in her purse and she would then be responsible for the shopping etc. To my surprise she said 200. I said but have you taken into account if you fancy a coffee etc bearing in mind it could be 3 to 4 a day at different places. She then upped it to 240 and asked what figure I had in mind i said 300. I said when our daughter leaves I will drop it down to 250. I said let's monitor over the next 3 months and make adjustments either way. The argument we had the night before she said I scrutinise everything she spends, so I was careful when suggesting about the monitoring about what we spend for the next 3 months.
We have 6 weeks left with my daughter living with us and that would then give us 6 weeks with just 3 of us. She offered herself to keep the shopping receipts, I also said when the 300 is gone then we have to wait until he next month before we allow ourselves more.
So far so good. We then moved on to what we should spend from our personal money. We agreed haircuts and dental treatments should not come out of personal money but if she wants her hair coloured or cosmetic dentistry then out of personal money,same applies to her nails and fancy lotions and potions. Basic socks,pants,tights will come out of household. All other clothing and anything classed as a luxury will come from personal.
I also agreed to buy my Sunday paper from personal and if she wants a magazine it comes from personal. Their was a few other things but do not want to bore people with the details.
I have left the 300 on the dressing table but as of today she has not picked it up and the £10 is still their that she tried to give me back.
She did also cancel her dentist appointment which was silly as I would not have had a problem with her going to.
She is now waiting for an apology from me because I called her crafty which is her usual behaviour. She does something wrong but then turns the tables and demands an apology from me. So far I have not crumbled and gave in to her. If I don't though this argument is just going to continue,which I don't want with the weekend approaching.

Mojisola

Pay_no_attention wrote: »

if you fancy a coffee etc bearing in mind it could be 3 to 4 a day at different places.

I know you've got to take things slowly to prevent too many tantrums but "3 to 4 coffees a day"! When you've got debts of the size you have, that's a ridiculous waste of money.

I hope you can get her round to seeing how profligate she is and how much each coffee is really costing when you factor in the interest that's being paid on debts that could be reduced by that amount.

Pay_no_attention

I am also making progress with my daughter. A couple of months back she said she was saving for a laptop for uni which she did do.We found her a cracking deal on eBay and I let her pay for it £750.
A few weeks later we gave her the money back that she had paid for it,on condition when she goes back to the UK she puts it in an ISA.
So today using some of the suggestions I received on here I said to her the deposit for the room you will get back at the end of the year. How about you pay for it out of the money you have managed to save but if you come stuck you can use part of the computer money then replace it when you get your deposit back. She thought this was a good idea and so we have agreed on that.

Pay_no_attention

Mojisola wrote: »

I know you've got to take things slowly to prevent too many tantrums but "3 to 4 coffees a day"! When you've got debts of the size you have, that's a ridiculous waste of money.

I hope you can get her round to seeing how profligate she is and how much each coffee is really costing when you factor in the interest that's being paid on debts that could be reduced by that amount.

I have not presented her with the figures yet for the credit card interests,but I have them for when the time is right.
I said to her yesterday my biggest focus is reducing our debt, anything that we need to buy to buy it as wisely as possible.
I said once our debt is cleared we then need to start saving for our retirement.

[Deleted User]

Just read (most) of your thread. Not really got any advice for you, but just wanted to say good luck in your debt-free journey, and I hope that you have now turned a corner in convincing your family to get on board.

D9