Grown up children living at home

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

Just because the government changes the age rules to limit spending, it doesn't mean that we have to infantilise our children.

You don't think there's a message there? There's an expectation by the government that parents of people in their late teens and early twenties will support them, and even house them.

Treevo

Mojisola wrote: »

Just because the government changes the age rules to limit spending, it doesn't mean that we have to infantilise our children.

But that's exactly what it expects - that's why it doesn't treat university students as independent adults. It expects parents to support their children into their 20s.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

You don't think there's a message there? There's an expectation by the government that parents of people in their late teens and early twenties will support them, and even house them.

Good parents have always supported their children and that used to mean getting them fit to be independent members of society from a reasonable age. Good children, particularly the older ones in the family, used to contribute to the family.

My Dad shared a room (not just a house) with two other lads because that was all he could afford, having had to move away from home to find work. He still managed to send some money home each week to help the family.

My Mum stayed at home until she married but, once she was earning, she paid into the household and continued to do her share of the housework. She was an adult, contributing to the family. She wasn't treated like a child.

Prothet_of_Doom

I can really sit on the fence here and say I see both sides of this.

As I graduated in 1989, my parents and gran moved into a new house together due to my dad getting promotion 120 miles away.

Because my mum was desperate to keep the boundaries
between her and her mother in law clearly defined, I walked into a battle zone, where I was offered temporary use of the spare room with meals provided at a market rate. £75 a week.
I was waiting for a job to start and signed on, but it didn't cover her idea of a fair rent, but I could reduce the rent by doing various jobs around the house, so I decorated 3 rooms, and did a bit of building work, whilst plotting to move in with my fiancee as soon as was possible. (She was renting with 4 other nurses)
I felt a little erm miffed, but looking back I understand that she was trying to ensure that my nan paid a 1/3 of all bills, and did her share, so my rent went into their joint household bills account.

Now with a son at university, I can see my wife desperately and helplessly watching him gradually cut all of the apron strings, and in the short time we get to see him, mother him to the point of suffication. I've had to say a few times. Look this is his decision/room/problem/life, let him sort it in his way, just tell him you are happy to discuss it with him IF he wants to talk about it. If not just tell him he's making tea on Friday.

There does not appear to be a fine line these days.

ska_lover

Mrs Cullen, I can really see where you are coming from on this.

Your daughter is an ADULT, but many here seem to be flaming you for being a bad parent. There must come a time when there is a little YOU time after you have nurtured a small child into an adult, and if not wanting to give up your own free time to entertain adult offspring at their beck and call, makes you a bad parent, then I think people need to be looking at what bad parenting actually is..

Your daughter had moved out, you had adjusted to life with her not under your roof, and now she has moved back in with you and expecting to pick up where she left off. I find this thing of expecting you to entertain her when her friends aren't around, and b ugger if you have any plans of your own...rather selfish on HER part...not yours. After all, she is an adult who really shouldn't be taking people for granted, family or not. People are talking about her like she is a five year old demanding attention, no no no.

Nothing has changed for you - you have always been there, she moved out and came back and expected things to be the same as before, but they were never going to be.

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

You don't think there's a message there? There's an expectation by the government that parents of people in their late teens and early twenties will support them, and even house them.

That's nothing new, it's been like that since at least the late 60s when my generation went to university, even though the school leaving age then was 15.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

That's nothing new, it's been like that since at least the late 60s when my generation went to university, even though the school leaving age then was 15.

The student support bit perhaps, but not the rest.

CH27

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

Hi daughter has just finished uni and is now living at home. I am finding it hard after we have had our own space. Am I being unreasonable when she wants to hang out with us I can't be bothered, this usually happens when her friends are busy. For example she has no work this week so is bored, quote we better find something to do or I will go mad, since when is it my problem. Am I being to harsh.

What do you mean by hang out?
Watch tv with you etc or actually go out with you?

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

The student support bit perhaps, but not the rest.

No "perhaps" about it.:D

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

No "perhaps" about it.:D

Still not the rest though.