Grown up children living at home

Mrs_Cullen

Hi daughter has just finished uni and is now living at home. I am finding it hard after we have had our own space. Am I being unreasonable when she wants to hang out with us I can't be bothered, this usually happens when her friends are busy. For example she has no work this week so is bored, quote we better find something to do or I will go mad, since when is it my problem. Am I being to harsh.

paulineb_2

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

Hi daughter has just finished uni and is now living at home. I am finding it hard after we have had our own space. Am I being unreasonable when she wants to hang out with us I can't be bothered, this usually happens when her friends are busy. For example she has no work this week so is bored, quote we better find something to do or I will go mad, since when is it my problem. Am I being to harsh.

Well, the language you have used, cant be bothered. When is it my problem.

Surely theres a way you can have space with her living at home again and surely if you really dont want her there long term you can have a conversation about her finding a place of her own.

Blackpool_Saver

This is not nice

Georgiegirl256

Your daughter must feel so loved....

Blackpool_Saver

This makes me so angry, my parents couldn't be bothered with me, you have no idea of the damage you are doing

Own_My_Own

Lets hope the op doesn't need her daughter in years to come. She might find she is busy or just can't be bothered.

johannalf88

I don't think so. After Uni I moved out of my parents home, and it was one of the best thing I ever did. I get on soo much better with my family now (not that it was bad before), I will just phone Mum for a chat etc.

Having your own space is a normal thing to want. I do think the 'move baçk in with your parents mentality' is a bit unfair on the parents in some cases.

Maybe have a chat with her and ask her about long term plans? I didn't move out until September, so that was 3-4 months after finishing, but my parents knew they were getting rid of me after that!!:rotfl:

Mojisola

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

Hi daughter has just finished uni and is now living at home. I am finding it hard after we have had our own space.

Am I being unreasonable when she wants to hang out with us I can't be bothered, this usually happens when her friends are busy.

For example she has no work this week so is bored, quote we better find something to do or I will go mad, since when is it my problem. Am I being to harsh.

It sounds as if your daughter has slipped back into "daughter" mode and is expecting you to be "Mum", the solver of problems. She's an adult now and should be developing an adult relationship with you.

If she wants to spend time with you, the two of you need to arrange that together and set a time when it suits you both. If one of mine only wanted to know me when friends were unavailable, I'd find reasons to be busy or provide a list of household jobs that needed doing.

They couldn't treat their friends like that and keep the friendship! Why is it a parent's job to keep an adult child occupied?

kingfisherblue

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

Hi daughter has just finished uni and is now living at home. I am finding it hard after we have had our own space. Am I being unreasonable when she wants to hang out with us I can't be bothered, this usually happens when her friends are busy. For example she has no work this week so is bored, quote we better find something to do or I will go mad, since when is it my problem. Am I being to harsh.

Oh dear, I'm afraid your attitude sounds dreadful. How would you feel if your daughter posted something about living back at home with you, but using the same attitude?

My daughter is 22, living at home, but saving to buy a house with her fianc!. She spends a few nights a week at his house, and obviously spends time at work as well. I love the time I get to spend with my daughter, because one day she will move out permanantly and I will miss her. I do want her to spread her wings and fly - that's what we should all want for our children - but it doesn't mean to say that I won't miss having her around, dirty washing and all!

Please, OP, read your post again. Then think of those who cannot see their children or spend time with them, often through circumstances beyond their control. Be glad that your daughter wants to be with you, enjoying a chat or shopping, rather than her just staying in her bedroom. One day she will move out again, possibly further away for work, and you may regret your attitude.

Mrs_Cullen

Hey love my daughter, just finding it hard to adjust, as I'm sure she is. I don't do things for my kids so they will look after me when I'm older, now thats selfish. Just seeing if anyone feels the same.

Person_one

Mrs 'Cullen'? A bit of a giveaway.