Grown up children living at home

Own_My_Own

Own_My_Own wrote: »

Lets hope the op doesn't need her daughter in years to come. She might find she is busy or just can't be bothered.

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

Hey love my daughter, just finding it hard to adjust, as I'm sure she is. I don't do things for my kids so they will look after me when I'm older, now thats selfish. Just seeing if anyone feels the same.

I didn't say you would want her to look after you. I said need her. There is a difference.

Mrs_Cullen

I'm always there when needed if its really important , its just the trivial stuff, think we may have fallen back to old roles. Will address this.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

I'm always there when needed if its really important , its just the trivial stuff, think we may have fallen back to old roles. Will address this.

But how will she know that you'll actually be there if she needs you, if the rest of her time with you before she leaves home forever consists of you being irritated by having to be bothered with her?

LondonDiva

I can see why you would be bothered by her approach OP, as I don't think it shows much value for your time or company if you're so clearly the second choice.

If she does use you as a 'plan b', I'd let her join you as you carried on with whatever you were doing but would also be prepared to go with Mojisola's suggestion of whipping out a list of a few things that need doing and where two hands would make light work. Then next time, ask her what she has investigated for the two of you to occupy yourselves.

If it does carry on, I think it would be worth sitting her down and gently letting her know how little value her attitude suggests she places on your relationship and time together.

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

Mrs 'Cullen'? A bit of a giveaway.

???????...

McKneff

Mrs Cullen, I had the same problem, only a next generation down,]

I know Exactly what you mean,,,,,#

Stop being harsh with this lady,.... you lot.... every household is different.

silvercar

I have my son living at home after him being away at uni for 4 years and I love it. Interacting with him as a grown up is so nice. Anytime he isn't occupied with friends or work, I am happy to spend time with him. I also enjoy watching him interact with his younger brother.

dktreesea

Mrs_Cullen wrote: »

Hi daughter has just finished uni and is now living at home. I am finding it hard after we have had our own space. Am I being unreasonable when she wants to hang out with us I can't be bothered, this usually happens when her friends are busy. For example she has no work this week so is bored, quote we better find something to do or I will go mad, since when is it my problem. Am I being to harsh.

Not really. I don't think it follows that, as children grow older and develop interests they will still finds their parents interesting or vice versa. I'm sure there are quite a few parents who have children who are quite self absorbed so, if living at home, don't do things more considerate adult children would do - like giving their parents plenty of space.

Young people coming into adulthood often have lots of drama going on in their lives. Do I always play the attentive mother and listen with avid interest to the minutaie of whatever the latest drama is? No. As for being bored, I usually respond to this with "and you are telling me this why exactly?" The same with comments like "This place is driving me mad!" or "Why don't you do anything interesting!"

You just have to train them up - and it can take a few years - so they don't look to you for providing them with entertainment at the drop of a hat. I have a shopaholic daughter, and a few years ago she was always on and on at me to go shopping with her. I hate shopping; I find it boring. The penny has finally dropped that her mum, unlike most of the mums of the rest of her friends, doesn't "do" traipsing around the shops, wasting time and money.

dktreesea

silvercar wrote: »

I have my son living at home after him being away at uni for 4 years and I love it. Interacting with him as a grown up is so nice. Anytime he isn't occupied with friends or work, I am happy to spend time with him. I also enjoy watching him interact with his younger brother.

Sons, in my experience, are a bit different. They tend not to look to their mothers for entertainment.

jetplane

Yes in my opinion you are being too harsh and selfish. She is also having to readjust. Your language is so dismissive of her.