Family law advice, can anyone help? **update**

zzzLazyDaisy

In that case it is very likely that they each get child benefit for one of the children, in which case they would each be entitled to child tax credit for that child. They must be very young children though as income support ceases when the child reaches the age of 5.

RAS

I have to assume that:

1. Brother and ex live near to each other
2. Possibly they each claim CB and CTC for a child

Income support is usually only paid to one parent (the parent with care) and the other has to claim JSA.

teabag29

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

In that case it is very likely that they each get child benefit for one of the children, in which case they would each be entitled to child tax credit for that child. They must be very young children though as income support ceases when the child reaches the age of 5.

No she gets child benefit for them all but she was ordered by court to split the tax credits and has to han over half every friday when he picks the kids up. The kids are 2 and 4

[Deleted User]

Ok I haven't read everything properly but he has been with her for a long time and you and she were friends so she can't be all bad.

Having been in an acrimonious situation myself I know how easy it is for one side to be cast as being 'unreasonable' and in the 'wrong' when the truth is that economics and providing the best situation for your family is the priority. Your brother might well feel the injustice and hurt of it but she has to be in the best place to find support as a single parent and that includes moral, emotional and financial. I understand totally and do sympathise that this means it isn't near to your brother. A single parent has a lot to weigh up in making decisions and deciding the priorities isn't as easy it seems. I might be wrong about her intentions and I apologise if I am.

Do not under any circumstances keep those children whatever the temptation. The eldest is only 12 and with the greatest respect probably misses her surroundings and friends more than her dad. A 12 year old does not understand 'in her best interests' or 'in her future best interests'. He will always be in the wrong and to be honest in my experience courts don't look too closely especially when there is a clear case of right and wrong. No one will be interested in your brother's side of things if he does the wrong thing. Plus, he's not really in the best position to look after children given his health problems anyway.

Benefits, great as they are, don't cover everything. As a single parent, I can tell you bringing up kids is expensive and fantastic as benefits are for me (I get WTC and CTC) it covers basics not extras like travelling to see family. Probably a lot of mums reading this will go '12 old girl - OMG' - school outings, periods, peer pressure to meet at Costa (I wince at the cost of coffee), go to movies, school meals, school uniform, apps, you name it a 12 going on 16 year old needs. I can promise you they feel disadvantaged and I know that because I have two teens and they do feel like the poor relation to their peers and that's with getting maintenance off my ex which she doesn't get). And then in her case, there's 2 other children all with competing wants and wishes.

Please, however, tempting it is do not keep those kids. I can promise you they tell each parent what they want to hear because they don't want to hurt their feelings. That is the simple truth.

The fact is they will settle in and in 6 months (if that) they won't even remember their previous life.

I am sorry but whatever course your brother chooses, the hard fact is that those kids will settle in where they are. She has chosen that move and probably tried to make it as painless as possible - I know if I told mine we were moving we'd have histrionics up until the day of moving and beyond - that is natural. It happens in 2 parent families too. It doesn't mean that it is the wrong thing for the family. At the end of the day she has to do what's right for her and the children and that might not suit your brother or his family.

I stayed in the area for my children to be near their dad and to be honest, 5 years on I think I've made the wrong decision doing that for all of us and especially me. That's hindsight for you - so maybe she's made the right decision and may be she'll discover in 5 years time she's made the wrong one. No consolation for your brother but it is her decision and just maybe she has made the right one for her family.

Try Wikivorce - my opinion is that you will get sympathy but having been a member of that site it has some uses and sympathy is better than nothing but it tends to be full of people of who feel hard done by and want to get themselves (or their partners) out their financial responsibilities but not necessarily those who want to do the best by their families.

For my money I'd say to you put your feelings firmly in the past and look at ways you can help her (that' goes a long way) and the children as well as your brother, look at compromises eg meeting half way, ways of travel, him staying there with one of her relatives and making the biggest effort to get on and be gracious and understanding even if you don't feel like it. It will pay dividends. My in-laws are 'sweet' in that they babysit from time to time and will bend over backwards to help in that respect although other than that they are pretty useless I do value that and she might unbend a bit if she can see your concern and help is genuine.

teabag29

Beremy wrote: »

For my money I'd say to you put your feelings firmly in the past and look at ways you can help her (that' goes a long way) and the children as well as your brother, look at compromises eg meeting half way, ways of travel, him staying there with one of her relatives and making the biggest effort to get on and be gracious and understanding even if you don't feel like it. It will pay dividends. My in-laws are 'sweet' in that they babysit from time to time and will bend over backwards to help in that respect although other than that they are pretty useless I do value that and she might unbend a bit if she can see your concern and help is genuine.

But thats the problem, there has been no nasty name calling or bitterness to her (although on here granted ive vented but not to her). My brother has wished her well and even offered to decorate the childrens bedrooms, he's said he hopes shes happy (in a nice way) and hope they can be civil for the kids etc but she just swears at him and ignores his calls etc until she wants to go out or cant handle the kids then rings him to pick them up, in between then the contact stops and that usually lasts for weeks or she will tell him and the kids that they can have contact and then drop it and disappoint him and the children, it seems to depend on what mood shes in on the day. He is trying to be patient and stay positive but it just seems shes using him as a puppet for when it suits her and both he and the children are suffering for it.

She isnt speaking to any of the family so no worry about conflict there.

RAS

So rather than going round and round on this she siad he said, what is he doing about getting PR sorted?

Until he does that everything is a problem.

teabag29

Well thats why I came on here for advice to see what he should do next so now I know he needs to apply for PR for the eldest 2 and he has booked a free consultation with solicitor

RAS

He needs to go to wikidivorce and to Families Need Fathers web-site and get help there.

There is no legal aid for most family legal matters now but he can do this him self (as Litigant in Person).

trevorsminted

Why cant he get legal aid to fight to get his kids from that woman? Surely he is entitled she sounds awful.

zzzLazyDaisy

teabag29 wrote: »

No she gets child benefit for them all but she was ordered by court to split the tax credits and has to han over half every friday when he picks the kids up. The kids are 2 and 4

If she gets cb for both children, she is the PWC for benefits purposes. Only the PWC of a child under 5 can get income support. Either their joint custody is arranged so each is the pwc of one of the children and each gets cb, or he is claiming some other benefit such as jsa or esa, if he isn't working.