Family law advice, can anyone help? **update**

teabag29

RAS wrote: »

DO they still have a joint bank account? Or any other joint accounts?

In whose names are all the utilities in the house?

Has he informed the Council for Council Tax purposes that he has just moved in and applied for Council single person's Discounts and (separately) applied for CT Benefit?

No they nolonger have a joint account, most of the bills were in his name but a few in her name. Apparently letters were sent out but she obviously didnt give them to him because she cancelled the d.debits to save money then when red letters came she destroyed them until she'd saved up as much as she could then she went. As he was living at my mums house he didnt get the post in the morning and went round each afternoon to see the kids and collect any post. i told him to cancel all his and put them in her name but he was hoping they'd get back together and didnt want to upset her by putting the bills in her name (shes very money orientated). He was still working (reduced hrs but working) at that point and so was still paying the bills even though he wasnt living there, he never took a thing from the house and had the kids every weekend and would see them every afternoon after school then one day he gets a text saying shes left and that was that.

Yes hes applied for c.tax and housing benefit for the time he'll be living there, i guess he'll be subject to bedroom tax too which will leave him leven less money

RAS

teabag29 wrote: »

Yes hes applied for c.tax and housing benefit for the time he'll be living there, i guess he'll be subject to bedroom tax too which will leave him leven less money

Has he applied for the single person's discount????????????????

Has he considered getting a lodger or two to cover the rent (he can ask them to leave at very short notice and he could get Monday to Thursday lodgers).

teabag29

pops5588 wrote: »

My issue with the situation is that you are all expecting her to behave like a half-decent human being but you previously stated that at some point during the relationship she was convicted for benefit fraud! At what point were any of you going to realise that her moral compass doesn't exactly point due-north?

At the end of the day your brother and this lady chose each other, and had kids together. The bickering and the endless tit-for-tat will do nobody any favours and if anything is damaging the kids as I type. It's time for your brother and this woman to grow up and behave like adults. BOTH of them. And it doesn't help with family members getting involved, it sounds like you are quite a strong family unit and she may have left because she felt she needed "back-up", who knows. For gods sake sort it out for the kids because they sound anything but happy and settled.

Well you know that saying about love being blind, we all realised a long time ago they werent right for eachother and what she was like but he wouldnt hear of it, he had rose tinted glasses when it came to her.

I agree they need to sort it but what is he supposed to do if hes the only one thats interested in sorting it, he cant talk to her if she wont answer his calls or only agrees to what she wants. She has clearly said its whats best for her and he corrected her saying no whats best for the kids but she disagrees so what is he supposed to do? She still hasnt been convicted for part of the benefit fraud because the tax credits people dont know, if he wanted to be petty he could have rang them or kept the children at the weekend. He doesnt want that all he wants is to be able to see his kids regularly and be part of their life and know they are safe but shes having none of it, her exact words were 'you can av em when it suits me' and pressed further that meant when she wants to go out. When he suggested weekends she was thrilled at first but then when finances were discussed she changed her tune but its not his fault he has health problems at present, then when she realised her daughter misses her dad far more than she expected and wants to be with him now its looking like shes cutting contact all together again and while hes trying to get her to be reasonable the children are stuck in the middle. He has told them from the heart he just wants them to be happy and would never ask them to chose between him and their mum whereas shes doing the opposite. She wont even agree to family mediation to resolve things so im not sure what else he can do other than speak to CAB

Gigglepig

it sounds quite sensible that she cancelled any joint direct debits or bills in her name beforee moving out of the joint property. If she left him most of the furniture or belongings it isn't necessarily unfair that she kept the cash from the joint account. These financial matters can in any case be taken into account when they settle those? (Edited - perhaps it would have been easier to settle if they got divorced, bit it was his life choice not to be married)

It is also possible she wanted to make the move without to much drama and tearful goodbyes. Emotions run high when people separate, so hopefully things settle down a bit soon.

It is a shame that your brother is ill OP but it isn't his ex's fault either. She will probably wish to hang on to any tax credits etc in particular if she does not receive a decent child maintenance payment from the father.

op of course you should support your brother. but as an outsider, he does not sound that responsible either if he had 3 kids with the wrong sort of woman, in a 2 bed council house, with no or little savings to fall back on when he got ill?

I feel sorry for the children.

RAS

They are not married.

teabag29

RAS wrote: »

Has he applied for the single person's discount????????????????

Has he considered getting a lodger or two to cover the rent (he can ask them to leave at very short notice and he could get Monday to Thursday lodgers).

Well hes explained that hes single on the form and his housing officer has been brilliant, she has seen what hes going through and trying to help as best she can as has his doctor. He's been suffering emotional abuse at the hands of this woman for years and it hasnt gone unnoticed.

He hasnt looked into lodgers, he hasnt really had a minute to do that what with mum in and out of hospital with the cancer/pneumonia, having to pack up the house, sort the bills, various hospital appts himself, secure new accomodation, try and sort the bills and benfit claims out and above all try and liase with his ex to see the children hes been very stressed and busy

teabag29

Gigglepig wrote: »

it sounds quite sensible that she cancelled any joint direct debits or bills in her name beforee moving out of the joint property. If she left him most of the furniture or belongings it isn't necessarily unfair that she kept the cash from the joint account. These financial matters can in any case be taken into account when they settle their divorce.

It is also possible she wanted to make the move without to much drama and tearful goodbyes. Emotions run high when people separate, so hopefully things settle down a bit soon.

It is a shame that your brother is ill OP but it isn't his ex's fault either. She will probably wish to hang on to any tax credits etc in particular if she does not receive a decent child maintenance payment from the father.

op of course you should support your brother. but as an outsider, he does not sound that responsible either if he had 3 kids with the wrong sort of woman, in a 2 bed council house, with no or little savings to fall back on when he got ill?

I feel sorry for the children.

Oh dont worry im not trying to paint my brother as an Angel I know he has his faults, he should have gotten out of the relationship along time ago they both should have but you cant tell someone who they should be with, you have to let them work that out themselves and just be there when it all goes wrong which is what ive tried to do.

I understand what your saying about the d.debits but she cancelled them 3 months before going, never told him about it, kept his wages every month even though he wasnt living there anymore because he was trying to be fair and still pay for everything (he lived off just 40 a week for his food, phone top up, cigarettes etc and walked to work each day) and he only found out when she went so he'd given her 3 months wages and she hadnt paid any bills with it. She took anything worth taking including all of the photos of the children and the house was a pig sty, i mean pig sty too (couldnt even see the floor for dirty clothes, washing up piled up high in the kitchen, takeaway wrappers everywhere).

Unfortunately they dont have any savings, his wages went into her account every month (not a joint account) and it wasnt a very well paid job, shes never worked she stayed at home to raise the kids so they didnt have much spare money.

Gigglepig

Sounds like they will both be in a tough situation financially, due to their own life choices - shame for the kids. Even though it may be hard not to say your piece, I hope you manage to keep the relationship with the mum as good as possible just for the kids sake, and that you can see them regularly, as it sounds like they could do with some nice resourceful relatives in their life. Sorry to say so but their parents sound fairly useless, both of them

moneysaymoneydo

Would walk to work yet he smokes? ok everyones priorities are different I guess :eek:

Ok so your brother is in the family home and I imagine with being so ill is not intending to be employed in the near future so makes sense seeing he is so concerned for his childrens welfare that he seeks Parental Rights for all three and then takes them to live with him, yes their "wages" from David Cameron should be equalled up between both parents if they split the time they have the children, I would imagine if he had the kids 24/7 he would receive all the handouts?! maybe an expert can correct me if I am wrong!

Anyway I would also go the police with the proof she has "stolen" his salary for the last three months and have her investigated considering she apparently already has a conviction for benefit fraud. Not sure how it stands as your brother has epilepsy and having custody of the children full time but as others have said he should seek legal advice.

RAS

Since he paid the salary into her account, she has not stolen the money, even if she has unfairly appropriated it.