Family law advice, can anyone help? **update**

RAS

teabag29 wrote: »

When my brother confronted her and threatened her with social services and police the son then went on to retract what he said and said he'd accidently bruised himself.

teabag29 wrote: »

Ok I hear you but he did not challenge his son, it was his son who told him this.

read what I wrote

If you want to help your brother you have going to have to learn to follow instructions precisely to the letter.

teabag29

FBaby wrote: »

Surely if they are risk about their welfare under their mother's care, the fact that she's gone to live with family because she recognised she wasn't coping alone is a good thing.

It is also normal that the children should not like it there. It is hard at that age to cope with changes.
He doesn't pay any maintenance, so looking after them 2 days isn't so bad. The issue is the transport, but surely if it means the children are most likely to be safe, it is better this way. Maybe you, other family and friends could help with these costs until he is well enough to go back to work?

Yes its a good thing if the children are safe but thats what im worried about, the children have gone in their shell alot and become timid and withdrawn. They are holding back but have started to open up to my brother, they say they hate it there but this isnt due to change of home etc they are saying that they get left out and ignored and that the grand father scared them by being aggressive to their cousin also that they get no attention and pushed aside and that their mum is always shouting at them and only ever wants to be at her sisters house and they feel she doesnt like them. (The accent over there is also very different and they stick out due to their differing voices).
They said they hear their mum and her family bad mouthing their dad and making threats whch they dont like too but any attempt my brother makes to try and speak to her about these things so that they can both work together to help the children settle in she either hangs up on him or swears abuse at him.

pops5588

Bl**dy hell. Poor children.

moneysaymoneydo

Doesn't pay maintenance, grudges buying nappies for his own child, cant afford train fares to get them? so I assume expects her to bring the kids to him? I would be "we'll see" attitude as well, sorry but I would have gone further than 80 miles, not sure we are getting the full picture!

teabag29

He doesnt pay maintenance because she only left a month ago taking his full months wages with her, instead he has bought his children things directly and paid into an account for them every week. He paid the train fair to pick them up and take them back given only 13 hours notice, the child arrived with clothes that didnt fit her and no nappies. He gave them a brilliant week and they loved it and bought 2 packs of nappies to send home with along with money for the children. He is now in a position whereby he is awaiting a claim to be processed so has no income whatsoever and asked her for help toward picking them up seen as her father said he would pick them up but is now refusing to do, he has gone without food many times to provide for them they are his world.

trevorsminted

So you are actually saying she should pay for her kids to come and stay with their father?.

And he must have money to be able to move back into the marital home on his own and take on all the bills himself after having moved back in with your parents?

teabag29

No you are misunderstanding me. Firstly yes seen as she stole all his money I do believe she should give it him back yes, why not?

Secondly if a joint custody agreement is made then surely yes he should be entitled to some benefits for the children, if she is being paid for them for 7 days but only having them for 4 then surely she could contribute a little to their train fair, she is being paid to keep them for 7 days after all either that ot he should be entitled to a part of the child tax credit/benefit for the 3 days he has them. Its not his fault he has a health condition and his esa would not cover the train fair, if he is jointly looking after them then why is it unreasonable that he doesnt get some help financially just as she does off the government? I know another couple who share care and the tax credits get shared between them which seems only fair to me.

Thirdly maintenance hasnt been set up yet but she did leave taking all his wages and with the tax rebate he got he gave the children £50 and bought them new clothes etc and finally he does not have any income now or any money. He has moved back into the home to look after the dog she left behind and discovered that whilst he was working (prior to getting ill) and entrusting her to sort the bills etc (which is why he put his wages into her account) she had secretly cancelled all d.debits and so now he has had a bundle of red letters through informing him that the d.debits were cancelled and he is at risk of being cut off. I have rang around and tried to explain the situation and put payment plans in place for when his benefit claim is up and running but his phone and internet have been cut off in the meantime.
The tenancy will end next week as she took her name off and thats when he will be given a repossession order and will have to move out although they should be able to rehouse him in a 1 bed flat so he wont be homeless thankfully.

He was only living with my mum so that she could have the house and also to help care for my mum who has cancer (my father is nolonger alive)

RAS

teabag29 wrote: »

He doesnt pay maintenance because she only left a month ago taking his full months wages with her

DO they still have a joint bank account? Or any other joint accounts?

In whose names are all the utilities in the house?

Has he informed the Council for Council Tax purposes that he has just moved in and applied for Council single person's Discounts and (separately) applied for CT Benefit?

teabag29

Probablly the way I have written things it sounds as if he is being unreasonable but I assure you its quite the opposite, he has been nothing but fair. He has been left with all the bills she ran up, she took all his wages, she didnt let him say goodbye to the children or the children say goodbye to their friends and family, she ripped them out of school midweek 5 weeks ago now and still has not handed in any forms to get them into a new school, she refused contact verbaly or physically until she wanted a night out then gave him 13 hrs notice to pick up the children or he wont be seeing them again, she ignored calls from the kids when they were over here and when she did eventually answer she made her daughter cry by telling her shes busy and will ring her another time but never did (she was partying), the children are telling him they hate it there because they are ignored and left out and shouted at and not allowed to speak to their dad when they want to, he has been putting money into a bank for them but now has ran out of money and he has treated them brilliantly while they have been here making the most of what he had (they did treasure hunts and wheel barrow racing, camped in the garden, arts and crafts all sorts of lovely things), he has begged to see them and been in tears many nights over it and all she can to is laugh or swear at him. Alongside this our mother has cancer so he is having to cope with that too aswell as his own health needs. His children are his world and always have been but theres only so much 1 person can do

pops5588

teabag29 wrote: »

Probablly the way I have written things it sounds as if he is being unreasonable but I assure you its quite the opposite, he has been nothing but fair. He has been left with all the bills she ran up, she took all his wages, she didnt let him say goodbye to the children or the children say goodbye to their friends and family, she ripped them out of school midweek 5 weeks ago now and still has not handed in any forms to get them into a new school, she refused contact verbaly or physically until she wanted a night out then gave him 13 hrs notice to pick up the children or he wont be seeing them again, she ignored calls from the kids when they were over here and when she did eventually answer she made her daughter cry by telling her shes busy and will ring her another time but never did (she was partying), the children are telling him they hate it there because they are ignored and left out and shouted at and not allowed to speak to their dad when they want to, he has been putting money into a bank for them but now has ran out of money and he has treated them brilliantly while they have been here making the most of what he had (they did treasure hunts and wheel barrow racing, camped in the garden, arts and crafts all sorts of lovely things), he has begged to see them and been in tears many nights over it and all she can to is laugh or swear at him. Alongside this our mother has cancer so he is having to cope with that too aswell as his own health needs. His children are his world and always have been but theres only so much 1 person can do

My issue with the situation is that you are all expecting her to behave like a half-decent human being but you previously stated that at some point during the relationship she was convicted for benefit fraud! At what point were any of you going to realise that her moral compass doesn't exactly point due-north?

At the end of the day your brother and this lady chose each other, and had kids together. The bickering and the endless tit-for-tat will do nobody any favours and if anything is damaging the kids as I type. It's time for your brother and this woman to grow up and behave like adults. BOTH of them. And it doesn't help with family members getting involved, it sounds like you are quite a strong family unit and she may have left because she felt she needed "back-up", who knows. For gods sake sort it out for the kids because they sound anything but happy and settled.