I feel a bit jealous

MakeupAddict_2

You remind me of two children playing. Child B picks up a toy and child A snatches it off him (*). Child A doesn't want to play with the toy, he (*) just doesn't want child B to have it.

(* other genders are available......)

You have a lot of things.... savings, a good degree, your family has family 'grounds'..... but if they get engaged they'll have something you don't have. And you don't like it. the fact that you could have it doesn't make a difference, especially as they got in first. Because you have so many 'things' and they, according to you, don't, in your mind it would be the proper way to do it for you to get engaged first, if and when it suits you. Then let them trail behind in your wake, second best as usual.

You've said all sorts of things about how they're not as good as you. Your attitude towards them sounds extremely patronising, superior and snobby.

They're doing what is right for them, you're doing what's right for you. You can plan and organise your own life, but you can't demand that they fit in with your plans.

(Sorry about that. You came on here for a rant and I had a little rant of my own!!)

heartbreak_star

I do think a lot of it depends on how you look at things. To me, engagement is a promise to marry at some point, not the starting gun meaning marriage preps must begin - and most of my friends feel the same way.

One or two of them have starting wedding preparation the second the ring had touched their hand, but they are the exception and they tend to be the religious ones. In fact, two of my friends have been together 10 years, are on their 3rd year of engagement and are thinking of planning a wedding for 2015.

OP, I do think you're jealous because you think they'll be taken more "seriously" than you, and I think deep down you'd like a proposal

HBS x

Bennifred

I suspect that the OP feels that the engaged couple has unexpectedly stolen her thunder. She and her OH are no longer "showing the way" as it were.

Pollycat

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

This is it! I guess I feel that they will be seen as more committed etc because of a ring..

If you feel like that, you are very childish, insecure and are worrying too much about what other people think.

Who cares who is the 'most committed' couple for Heaven's sake?
It's not a bloody competition. Or is it?

I suggest you ditch your 'traditional values' (which is what is causing these feelings about this newly-engaged couple), concentrate on your own relationship and leave this couple to do what they feel is best for them.

CH27

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your views and opinions, even the nasty ones.

I'm going to the leave the thread now.

I feel a little upset over some of the backlash so I'd like to clarify a few things.

I do not feel a sense of superiority over them, I feel a sense of age. Even though I am a similar age to them I have lived away from home since 18, I pay rent, bills, insurance. General everyday 'adult' things - these are not things they do. This is what I mean by maturity. They party, drink and squander money, and then expect more. They do not pay for anything, they expect free holidays, free board etc.

We aren't very close, I used to be very close to the brother (known all my life) but most of his friends fell out with him over the controlling girlfriend, who we felt used him. They are often claiming to have mystery illnesses and everything is always worse for them. It's unbelievable some of the things they've done but I don't want to broadcast that here. Some of the resentment I feel is how they've treated my 'parents in law'

It isn't about me, I was just answering questions.

I will stick with my views - relationship, marriage, children.

Btw, in the country everyone has grounds.

Watch your halo doesn't lip & choke you;)

thorsoak

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your views and opinions, even the nasty ones.

I'm going to the leave the thread now.

I feel a little upset over some of the backlash so I'd like to clarify a few things.

I do not feel a sense of superiority over them, I feel a sense of age. Even though I am a similar age to them I have lived away from home since 18, I pay rent, bills, insurance. General everyday 'adult' things - these are not things they do. This is what I mean by maturity. They party, drink and squander money, and then expect more. They do not pay for anything, they expect free holidays, free board etc.

We aren't very close, I used to be very close to the brother (known all my life) but most of his friends fell out with him over the controlling girlfriend, who we felt used him. They are often claiming to have mystery illnesses and everything is always worse for them. It's unbelievable some of the things they've done but I don't want to broadcast that here. Some of the resentment I feel is how they've treated my 'parents in law'

It isn't about me, I was just answering questions.

I will stick with my views - relationship, marriage, children.

Btw, in the country everyone has grounds.

Yes, everybody in this country is entitled to their own opinion - as are the couple who have been denigrated by your opinions in this thread.

You may have done so many "adult" things - well done you - but you are showing a large degree of immaturity in your emotional thinking. Just grit your teeth, smile sweetly, wish them all the best - and, most importantly KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF -especially if you wish to retain your relationship with your b/f.

All the very best.

heartbreak_star

I think, without the background story, there's always going to be some bias as we don't know the full picture

HBS x

Ilovesaving20

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I think, without the background story, there's always going to be some bias as we don't know the full picture

HBS x

You're right, I was wrong to think this was a good sort of place for this. Obviously no one here knows what sort of people they are.

All the best HBS! X

CH27

The OP is now deleting her posts :rotfl:

Calien27

You come across as ridiculously smug and superior.

Who cares if you have x amount in savings, and this, that or the other. They are living their lives their way, not the way you think they should.

You don't come across as mature or grown up at all, you come across as a someone having a tantrum because things aren't being done the way they want or because they aren't the center of attention.

Let them live their lives the way they're happy with. They're young, they are allowed to have fun if they want to, so what if they go out drinking or partying, it's up to them what they do, not you.