I feel a bit jealous

Ilovesaving20

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thorsoak

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

I'm a bit angry at myself for feeling jealous. Because I think what they have done is silly and not something I'd ever do. No, not the attention, I've got some lovely jewellery and I'm happy as a couple! That's what I mean, I can't put my finger on why, I just am a bit.

I think it COULD be because it's much more sensible us getting engaged (even though we don't want to) than them...

I was just offloading, I am happy for them despite how I may be coming across!

Just think about this from the point of view of someone else : this young couple are sure enough of their relationship to want to acknowledge that they intend to stay together and get married. You do not feel the same about your partner yet!

It's not a case of you being more sensible than them or visa versa - its the relationship.

paulineb_2

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I get the jealously, its like everyone will now take them "more seriously" as a couple than you 2. Even if no actual marriage plans.

No one ever celebrates the careful savers in life well bar here really.

Why should that matter though? I know more than one couple who are very happy living together long term and have no immediate plans to get engaged. It wouldnt matter to me if I lived with someone, didnt live with someone or was engaged to them, how serious I was about the relationship would be down to me and the other person.

I think we place far too much importance on what society thinks we should and shouldnt do.

Ilovesaving20

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I get the jealously, its like everyone will now take them "more seriously" as a couple than you 2. Even if no actual marriage plans.

No one ever celebrates the careful savers in life well bar here really.

This is it! I guess I feel that they will be seen as more committed etc because of a ring..

Ilovesaving20

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NervousHomeowner

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Of course not, I'm just contrasting our situations. My 'brother in law' was given the same as my boyfriend but he spent it. I know it's not, I really do.

But if you know that it isn't the norm and you wouldn't expect other people to have 30k savings & be living together before they get married, why do you expect that of them?
The only conrast between your situations is that your boyfriend is choosing to spend 30k on a house and his brother chose to spend 30k on going to university. It's not got anything to do with being mature or immature, it's just a case of choosing a different path.

Just be happy for them. And if it goes wrong, you can have the joy of secretly thinking 'I told you so'

Ilovesaving20

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thorsoak

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

That's really not it. I value saving and getting a great foundation for a family higher than getting engaged.

Well that's fine for you - but not everybody looks at things in the same way as you do - and who's to say which is the right way and which is the wrong way.

When we got engagedi wasn't 18 - OH was still part time college, part time trainee engineer. I was just 20 when we married and bought our own house at 20, married for 47 years. We had no money when we got engaged, and saved once we were engaged.

Moggins_2

I got engaged while I was at university when I was 20 and my now husband was 26. We got married when I was 21 and had our son last year. We survive on my husbands low full time wage and have no savings but we are very happy together and provide well for our son. Money and age isn't everything. My husband has three sisters all older than him and as yet unmarried but they showed nothing but support for our engagement and wedding

paulineb_2

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Sorry there seems to be a mix up. The 30 is a combination of our savings, almost 50/50. The money given was a small amount within that. We have both gone to uni and I'm graduating with a first, so we do value the importance of education. They are a few years behind due to failing.

I actually think any issues you have with this couple go deeper than this engagement, because you havent said one positive thing about them in this entire thread.