I feel a bit jealous

Ilovesaving20

msb5262 wrote: »

Sorry OP, but I don't see what this has to do with you...

Well it doesn't, I am just airing my feelings.

paulineb wrote: »

People can get engaged and have as long a gap as they like between their engagement and the wedding as far as Im concerned.

In fact, with the cost of some weddings these days I think its realistic that some people leave a gap between engagement and marriage.

GoldenShadow wrote: »

I don't see why being at uni should come into it. I'm a student and I am sick and tired of being seen as seemingly less of an adult because I choose to study. The alternative to my degree is being stuck on low wages in most likely a part time job. There are plenty of people not at uni in a worse financial situation than many who are.

Who said a marriage/wedding has to cost money anyway? I know I'd never have a big do, not unless I had cash to burn!

I've just finished uni. Sorry, maybe our views clash on what is traditional but I see getting engaged as that stepping stone to getting married in a year or two. Which is unrealistic for them.

paulineb_2

You know, what other people do with their lives is up to them. By the time my mum was 19 she was at uni, married and had me.

I have a mate who got engaged this year, hes 39 and hes been living with his gf a long time and I bet at some point they must have been getting questions as to whether they were going to get married.

People do what they think is right for them at the time, even if things dont work out later and not all engagements, marriages or relationships do last the distance.

Im not sure why you are upset tbh, whether its because you thought it should be you first, or whether you think they are daft because they dont have much money or whether you think that they should get engaged and then marry quickly after.

Whatever your reasons I hope you wish them well and just let them get on with it.

NervousHomeowner

Is it possible that it is less about the fact that you want to get married and more about the fact that you're jealous of the commitment they're showing to each other? Or that you should be first because you are in a better position to be getting married?

Your comments about how they shouldn't be getting married are understandable, but just sound like outward expressions of your jealousy. Kind of like 'well they may be getting married but they're not very financially responsible!'?

I know you say you don't want to get married yet but do you maybe feel pressured by family/friends to do so? A lot of times, family will make comments about weddings if you have a long term partner and it can make people feel like they should be getting married and that they're somehow not living up to expectations if they aren't at that point in their relationship. Could that be what is bothering you?

kwmlondon

Sounds like a bit of an irrational and confused bunch of emotions. However, you don't seem to be harbouring any ill feeling to them as such so get it off your chest, by all means. I think we're all allowed to have our little emotional outbursts from time without any rational reason for them, probably healthier to air them and let them blow away in the wind than let them build up.

paulineb_2

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Well it doesn't, I am just airing my feelings.





I've just finished uni. Sorry, maybe our views clash on what is traditional but I see getting engaged as that stepping stone to getting married in a year or two. Which is unrealistic for them.

And where do those views come from, that you get married within a year or two of getting engaged?

Also, its not unrealistic to get married in a year or two even if you dont have much money if you have a low key wedding.

It costs I think less than £100 to get married in a registry office, not all marriages need to be four and five figure sum affairs.

j.e.j.

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Hello everyone.

Recently my boyfriend's brother has got engaged and I'm a little jealous. I'm not sure why as I don't want to get engaged (only 21!) but as they are 21 and 20 and much worse off financially than us (they're at uni) I just feel it's a bit silly. I don't feel jealous in the sense that I want the same, it's just I feel it's a bit odd to do when you're at uni...

Just ranting really.

There's a conflict between your head and your heart. Your head (the sensible, logical you) is saying they are too young and still at uni.. And that you 'don't want to get engaged anyway'

Perhaps your heart is telling you that you would like to be engaged, and you're a bit miffed that someone seemingly less deserving has got there first

BugglyB

I think its natual, this feeling of comparing ourselves to others.

At least you recognise your feelings are irrational, thats half the battle! I suggest a listen to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

Peater

Basically, you are jealous because they are the exciting young couple and you are not anymore. That it bothers you is worrying.

Also, 'traditional'? Don't pass off your repressed anxiety and fear not doing what you think is expected of you as having some kind of moral high ground over them.

Stop making excuses and face the fact that you are just plain jealous.

GoldenShadow

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Well it doesn't, I am just airing my feelings.

I've just finished uni. Sorry, maybe our views clash on what is traditional but I see getting engaged as that stepping stone to getting married in a year or two. Which is unrealistic for them.

Is it unrealistic, though?

My views are very traditional, my OH can put a ring on my finger before we buy a house/consider a family which is far more traditional than most these days.

Certainly for me, my ideal wedding would be disappearing with 2-4 friends somewhere and eventually changing my Facebook status at some point when I got around to it. Literally, that would be my dream! Financially it wouldn't cost a lot and I am assuming it is financial hurdles you are envisaging as to why it will or wont happen?

Some people do get engaged and stay that way for years, not what I would choose but that's my traditionalism!

How long have they been together, how long have you and your OH been together? One of my childhood friends got engaged to her OH after almost 2 years together. they had broken up 6 weeks before, and again about 3 months before that. She found out she was pregnant and the wedding was quickly planned. Sadly she miscarried, and I worry for her that the reason they are engaged and seemingly doing OK is because he works away and is not home very often. She seems to have a certain tolerance of people and I worry that its just being spread out because he's not home, and that she might be rushing into it.

I like engagement chat :rotfl:

Pollycat

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

I've just finished uni. Sorry, maybe our views clash on what is traditional but I see getting engaged as that stepping stone to getting married in a year or two. Which is unrealistic for them.

That's a very old-fashioned way of viewing engagements and nowadays many couples get engaged without setting a date - which was the traditional way of doing things years ago.

What you 'see' happening (presumably for yourself) has nothing at all to do with this couple.

Let them be happy, their financial situation is really none of your business.