I feel a bit jealous

Ilovesaving20

j.e.j. wrote: »

maybe the parents are putting pressure on..

No, in fact I think they'd be quite embarrassed if I got engaged at 21, it's not the done thing in my area.

NervousHomeowner wrote: »

Plenty of people will never have the earning potential to amass that much in savings though, does that mean they should never get married? What do you think 'poor' people do?

Of course not, I'm just contrasting our situations. My 'brother in law' was given the same as my boyfriend but he spent it. I know it's not, I really do.

I can totally understand why you think it is important to be financially secure before getting married - especially if, for you, getting married means things like buying a house, starting a family etc. but surely you realise that your situation (Living together, having 30k in savings at the tender age of 21) is not typical of the whole of the population?

fabforty wrote: »

Yes that does make it much clearer.

You and your boyfriend are older, live together, have a large savings pot, and have been together for the same length of time as your brother and his partner - yet they are engaged, while you are still waiting for a proposal. I'd be !!!!ed off, I mean 'jealous' too .

Hahaha! I'm not waiting for a proposal though, not until I'm about 24. When I was 18 I wanted to get married at 22 but now I'm 21 I realise that was over ambitious. Btw I'm not materialistic and will be having my reception in family grounds (hopefully!)

paulineb_2

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

I'm completely traditional and I was cautious about living with my bf but we are in a recession and we are much more mature.

Because my 'father in law' doesn't agree with it, it's him that gives my 'brother in law' money for uni. No I'm not but we (our family and a few others) have been like family for 20 years.

If he doesnt agree with it thats his right, but its for the couple concerned to sort out.

If you are happy in your relationship what this couple do and what extended family think of the engagement really shouldnt be an issue, because the bottom line is, its their life and whether it does or doesnt work out, theyve made the decision to get engaged and thats theirs to do.

Ilovesaving20

Deleted....

Ilovesaving20

paulineb wrote: »

If he doesnt agree with it thats his right, but its for the couple concerned to sort out.

If you are happy in your relationship what this couple do and what extended family think of the engagement really shouldnt be an issue, because the bottom line is, its their life and whether it does or doesnt work out, theyve made the decision to get engaged and thats theirs to do.

Yes, you're right. That's why I tried to use this thread to get my head around why I'm irrationally jealous.

fabforty

paulineb wrote: »

The OP isnt older, theyve said they are 21.

In post 8 she says '....we are older'.

paulineb_2

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

I'm indeed not older, my boyfriend is slightly older.

Our savings are for a house though, we have rented for the past 3/5 years whereas they only have 1 years money management experience, cue overdrafts and handouts.

But thats their issue. I have two overdrafts and Im twice your age and a bit more, but thats not because of poor money management, its because of redundancy and being unemployed in the recent past. No one knows how life will pan out. I do have savings btw, Ive always saved but they are tied up for now.

But at 21 Im not sure Id have thought that I was excellent with money, Im sure I wasnt.

Everyone is different, people have different lives and experiences. And my money and job experiences have taught me that you can take nothing for granted.

Now, if this couple are at uni, you would expect them not to have a lot of cash, but if they arent managing it and people are giving them handouts, thats for the people who are helping them along to talk over and it should be between them. If the person who is helping them financially isnt happy about their engagement, thats up to them, but its their issue to sort out.

You seem to be stable financially and you have money behind you. If you are happy with your lot and happy with your life and believe you'll get a proposal in a few years and you'll have the wedding you want, then all you have to do is wait and see what the next few years brings.

If this couple arent mature enough to be getting engaged (according to family), thats for them to sort out, either things will work out or they wont.

Their engagement has no bearing on your happiness, if you truly are happy with your partner just get on with enjoying that relationship.

liney

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Yes, you're right. That's why I tried to use this thread to get my head around why I'm irrationally jealous.

Sounds to me that you are jealous because you are 'more mature' than them, 'have 30k' and they don't, and will be getting married in the 'family grounds,' but aren't at all materialistic.

Despite this they seem very happy, but you don't seem to think they should be because they don't have XY and Z, but you do.

Your attitude is not very becomming.

Pollycat

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Our savings are for a house though, we have rented for the past 3/5 years whereas they only have 1 years money management experience, cue overdrafts and handouts.

Hmmmm.

Could this be the reason for your 'jealousy' and 'rant'?

You are better off financially as a couple but you see the other brother being given something (money) that you and your partner have had to work for.

paulineb_2

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Yes, you're right. That's why I tried to use this thread to get my head around why I'm irrationally jealous.

Well, I imagine that given that they are engaged even though they are skint and you and your partner arent even though you are comparatively well off, it might bring up feelings of jealousy.

But Im sure you realise that getting engaged when you want to, even if its a couple of years away, is the sensible thing to do.

burnoutbabe

I get the jealously, its like everyone will now take them "more seriously" as a couple than you 2. Even if no actual marriage plans.

No one ever celebrates the careful savers in life well bar here really.