I feel a bit jealous

Moggins_2

Oh and I'm only 24 now!

Pollycat

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Obviously there is a huge backstory which you aren't aware of. The point I was making was that despite starting off with a lot more, they managed to waste it. I can not see that as a great foundation.

Why 'obviously' a huge backstory?

You can't really expect people to empathise, sympathise or understand your feelings if we don't know about a 'huge backstory'.

paulineb_2

Also, why is it common knowledge about any issues this couple have? I am aware that families do talk about certain situations but surely if they are having money difficulties and have had in the past and have had to resit exams, thats between the brother and his parents.

Im not sure Id be comfortable with extended family discussing my life and making it clear they disapprove, if the father isnt happy with bailing them out financially then he needs to sort this matter out.

Because the alternative is to keep treating them the way they are being treated, helping them out financially with some degree of resentment there.

If you are truly happy for someone, even if you think they have made a really poor choice, you let them get on with it and then pick them up when they need a bit of support, I dont mean financial support, I mean emotional.

Anyone could lose a job at any time, I know several people who have been made redunant over the last few years or so and had the rug pulled from under them and theyve managed to get by, but we dont know what the future holds, good or bad.

Be happy for what you have in the now, thats all people can do.

NervousHomeowner

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

Sorry there seems to be a mix up. The 30 is a combination of our savings, almost 50/50. The money given was a small amount within that. We have both gone to uni and I'm graduating with a first, so we do value the importance of education. They are a few years behind due to failing.

In that case, I can kind of understand. It must be frustrating if you see them skipping steps which you feel are gateways to adulthood (Graduating uni, saving up for a deposit, working) and then getting seen as the grown up couple just because they are married. Especially when you are a more 'viable' couple for marriage in your eyes, but you're consciously making the choice to not get married until you're older.

If it helps at all, just remember that everyone does things a different way and it's not a race to see who can become 'grown up' the quickest. For example, my boyfriend did miserably at uni, I only graduated school with 2 A levels and I'm only just going to university now but we're buying a house together. On the other hand, our friend left uni with a first class honours degree, works in a really fantastic job but still lives at home with his mum. None of that makes us more mature than him, or him less mature than us - it's just that people's lives take different courses sometimes. The only thing that matters is that you're happy with your life

SmallL

Im 21, just graduated and got engaged less than a month ago to my student partner.
However we have been seeing each other for over 6 years and have a house together.
Our wedding could be done 'at anytime' as we are having a small close friends and family ceremony then the reception at my partners dad's house (who has a nice large lawn). We plan on marrying in 2015/16.

We don't think ourselves as 'more mature' than my partners brother and his girlfriend who are in the same situation but not engaged. We are just more 'family centric' people, and for us this is a massive step towards having children.

Torry_Quine

Ilovesaving20 wrote: »

I've just finished uni. Sorry, maybe our views clash on what is traditional but I see getting engaged as that stepping stone to getting married in a year or two. Which is unrealistic for them.

I do agree here. To me as I've said before the wedding is not something at some vague time in the future but the next step and in the short term.

Jonesy88

I got engaged at 21, having just graduated, also with a 1st. Why does graduating with a 1st have anything to do with love?

We got engaged with no date set and no wedding savings. We saved for a house first, and bought that as i turned 22, then got married when i was 23. I remember having a conversation aged 18 with my now husband about our honeymoon :rotfl: if he had proposed then i would've said yes! Family actually said they'd been waiting for us to annouce our engagement for a while!

Anyway my point is, young or not, handouts or not, savings or not, uni or not, if 2 people love each other and want to be engaged and eventually married, then how lovely for them!

OP do you see them as taking something away from you maybe? Because in your eyes they are doing things out of order and skipping the steps such as saving up etc?

thorsoak

Is it because you are the older couple and that they are younger than you? My sister and her OH had their first baby before we did -and I didn't feel jealous - maybe slightly envious for a few days when they announced the pregnancy - but then just so happy for them!

CH27

OP your sense of superiority to this couple is very off putting.

Peater

"We're more mature"
"I'm more traditional"
"It's not the done thing around here"

You need to stop clinging onto phraseology to hide the fact that you are immature/don't know what you want/are terrified to break the mold.

None of those are necessarily bad things by the way. Just be true to yourself and say "we are not ready for that step in our relationship" instead of trying to justify why you aren't engaged and they are. You shouldn't need to justify it to anyone. You are just crippled by perceived societal pressure (as ALOT of people are).

Just try and chill out, be happy for them if that's what they want.