Have you cut out a close family member from your life?

alias*alibi

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

Sorry, but I'm confused by the highlighted bit.

My OH got another woman PG. Most on the board know my ramblings on the subject

mishmogs

I had to relinquish contact with my sister in law. I thought we were besties, going on holiday together, shopping, going out etc. etc. but I was very mistaken as she was the go between between my DH and her husbands sister during their affair and she allowed them to use her home and they all went away on holiday together. I had asked my DH to move out so we both could decide what to do for our future.

She also suffers from depression and use to say cutting, spiteful and hurtful comments and no one in the family had the backbone to confront her about it. Needless to say, I don't miss her and DH sees her about 3 times a year.

missprice

Cut out an uncle who took advantage of me. We used to be so close and he was like a father to me and has said previously that he would have adopted me when I was younger if he and his wife could have.
then he went and did something awful to me a traumatised young girl, 'justified' by the fact I was at the time 16 so that's ok then!!!

having only just managed to escape an abusive home (and I do mean weeks before) he went and sexually assaulted me.
well of course that did not help my mental state and so I refuse to acknowledge him or his dratted kids that were bullies then and probably still are. Nearly 30 years I still don't ever want to see him or care even if he is alive.

oh and my wonderful Birth father has managed to draw my ire too, not close and never will be but his latest comment has bluudy well hurt me just too much and I shall be walking right past with my nose in the air if I ever see him again

My sis has had a baby and he said 'how happy he is to be a grandpa at last'
wonderful except my children are in their 20s now!!!

pigpen

missprice wrote: »

My sis has had a baby and he said 'how happy he is to be a grandpa at last'
wonderful except my children are in their 20s now!!!

My ex inlaws have done the same.. loads and loads of pics of her daughters 2 girls (nearly 2) and no mention or acknowledgment of the 8 other grandchildren she has (aged 8-21 years) not her 2 great-grandchildren (both 13 months)

Their loss.. the children will be raised not knowing them and will not know any different!

missty25

I have sat down this morning and written everything this person has done in the past 12 months and how much they rely on me with all there problems etc, but how advice given is ignored. As it is such a huge decision to make. They have issues with so many things in life and tbh I'm looking for as stress free a life as I can have and enjoy my own life and family without being dragged down by this persons problems of which there are many.

Part of me wants to send my letter that I have written but part of me feels so sick at the enormity and prospect of doing this. So perhaps some distance would be the best thing atm but my question is this, how do you go about distancing yourself from someone when they constantly phone or turn up at your door? I've tried the not answering or phoning back etc but the hint does not get taken. I think also that I know if I do take the decision to stop contact completely there is absolutely no going back from this,ever.

As a side note this person has fallen out with/cut out at least 2 close friends and also another close family member of which I'm also like piggy in the middle between the two. I can see both sides with the other family member and effort was never made on either side and no great falling out as such took place but I'm sick of it all.

I've never in my life as said before thought of falling out with anyone permanently but feel I'm at the stage where perhaps I have no choice.....

pigpen

I'd advise not sending the letter.. next time they call I'd tell them why you are not prepared to continue like this.. it is not open for discussion and you don't need or want their misery in your life.. it is too short and you want to enjoy it and not have to put up with their griping.

Once they realise they have lost their captive audience you will be disowned anyway

Other than that just ignore the calls and if she turns up at the house.. say you are just going out! (or ignore the doorbell)

Jazee

I've cut out my mother (and in doing so, my lovely father, siblings and their families too), and I did send a letter as there is no way I'd have been able to have a discussion with her. Sometimes its feels 'wrong' but my life is less stressful.

moomoomama27

We have completely cut my FIL and my hubby's 2 sisters and their families out of our lives, following an event that was completely unforgivable. It happened 7 years ago, and have not once regretted it. mIL still has contact with us all. Sometimes you have to do what is right, no matter how tough it might seem!

anmarj

I have now cut my sister out of my life but unfortunately some circumstances have had to throw us back together. She basically blames me for being alive, when my father died i was 16, I went to live in Scotland, my mother (another story) years later told me that my sister had made it very clear I as not moving with her, she did not want me. The latest being that she took the money that was due to me under my late mother's estate and spent it on her bills as her business is doing badly. I am not allowed to react to that and have to accept the situation. She has paid half and I am still waiting on the other half. I found out recently that somebody has been tracing my dad's line as money is due under a policy, thankfully they wrote to me, but only because I had registered my mum's death. If they had written to her, I am sure she would not of put me down and claimed the whole of the money for herself (to be honest she may be trying to do that anyway). We have been thrown together again because before I went back to work, my late mum's partner was found dead in his flat. My late mum's friend emailed me, but I was out at the time so did not get the news until later, so had assumed she had been told by this time, she went mental when she found out I knew before her. Have sent her an email today, but like many other people, as far as she is concerned she has done nothing wrong and it is all my fault.

I now have a little boy and I do not want her poison anywhere near my child. She is also a mum herself but makes no effort for her to speak to me (it has always been me that initiates contact)

missprice

missty25 wrote: »

but my question is this, how do you go about distancing yourself from someone when they constantly phone or turn up at your door? I've tried the not answering or phoning back etc but the hint does not get taken. I think also that I know if I do take the decision to stop contact completely there is absolutely no going back from this,ever.

QUOTE]

think if you really do want to stop contact you will have to accept that there is no going back so make your choice knowing that.
nothing wrong with it btw but it can be awful hard for some people to do.
am thinking more if you will feel awful and guilty and will give in a few weeks down the line then don't bother cos it will be harder next time iyswim.

as for how
make a stock list of excuses and go down the list or choose randomly e.g

Just off to the library will call you later
Just off shopping call you later
hair dresser, dr, chiropractor
etc
etc
as for coming to the door, have your coat and bag ready, and when they knock slip on your coat grab bag and say just off out will call you later.
and sail past

no discussion no oh yes come in for a cuppa first, no oh come with me and we can talk on the way. just leave, go around the block and if they are waiting go around the block again until they have gone.

really can be difficult but if your going to do it keep doing same thing every time and like Pavlov's dogs they will e trained and leave you alone eventually