Have you cut out a close family member from your life?

System

I went to see my Mother a few weeks ago. Not that I wanted to particularly but I had been pressured into going to see her my two daughters who reminded me that at the grand old age of 84 she wasn't going to be around much longer. I hadn't seen her for 4 years, the time before that was 5 years. I have a lot to be grateful to her for but not enough for her to rule my life as she has done for the last 50 years and call me cruel and hurtful names.

I suppose in a way i am glad i went. My brother has taken over her care in my absence. She isn't as happy with his standard of care as she was when i was doing it and i was doing it unpaid whereas she is paying him. I sat there and saw a child. Not my Mother but a child and i cried loads when i came home.

red_devil

yes we have, partners siblings.

sassyblue

We have, we cut out FIL and hubbys brother and wife all at once. When MIL died she left a considerable sum of money that SIL was determined to get her grubby mitts on, FIL knew what she was upto but maintained contact to see his grandchildren and ignored her efforts.

When that didn't work SIL stepped up a notch and kept trying to cause trouble pitching us against FIL, to this day we really don't know why she did that other than we were trying for a baby and lived round the corner from SIL so jealousy FIL would have a closer grandchild? She and BIL are very competitive people it's very odd, they *have* to be better than you, richer than you, etc, we ignored all that only to be cast as snooty! Plus we'd had a miscarriage at that time and didn't really want the hassle.

We couldn't win and after another of SILs comments and troublemaking l told them what l thought of their behaviour - all of which was denied of course :rotfl: and we cut them off. Best thing we ever did. 12 years later we have been in touch with FIL for some time as we eventually had our baby and FIL is a doting grandfather.

Funnily enough he told us in the last few months is that he can't bear SIL and never has done and that her brothers ignore her now too because of the way she is, so l'm so glad people saw through her in the end. BIL is another matter - if she told him the world was flat he'd go into battle for her repeating it, they are still seething that we walked away so l know when poor FIL pops his clogs we'll have to contend with them again, naturally all the ills in the world will be our fault. Competitive narcissists, gotta love them.

scooby088

I only have a sister who I cut out of my life around 3 years ago and a uncle who I cut out 2 years ago, can't say I miss them and it took my OH to make me see that both of them were using me. I can't really see the point of keeping people in your life that bring you down.

DUKE

Some years ago my younger sister cut me out of her life. I missed not seeing my nephews grow up & this broke my heart, at that time I felt it would've been kinder to shoot me. She was the one who always put me down, told lies about me, & tried to turn everyone against me. Years later she threw her arms around me at a family wedding & followed me around like we were best mates, she put on the show of a lifetime! I wouldn't cause a scene so we began speaking again, I waited for an explanation or apology but it didn't come. Foolishly I thought that things would be different, but they weren't & I recently cut her from my life as she'll always be that selfish little s***! I've got no regrets as I lost my sister a long time ago, & I accept that it's just the way that things are. You have to do what you have to do, I've tried believe me & now I have to move on.

marmitepotato

I find this thread very interesting and incredibly sad. All the posts on here seem justified for cutting members of their family out and their lives are happier for doing so. And to those toxic family members who have been excluded, I wonder one day if they will ever need the family who they have gone out of their way to be obnoxious to?

My old granny used to say to me 'what goes around comes around'........

sassyblue

marmitepotato wrote: »

I find this thread very interesting and incredibly sad. All the posts on here seem justified for cutting members of their family out and their lives are happier for doing so. And to those toxic family members who have been excluded, I wonder one day if they will ever need the family who they have gone out of their way to be obnoxious to?

My old granny used to say to me 'what goes around comes around'........

It is sad MP, it's even worse when someone comes along and tells you you're wrong to do so, but there's only so much you can put up with for your own happiness.

I just don't agree that if they're family you should put up with it, you wouldn't have a friend like it so why family?

Treat others as you wish to be treated is my mantra whether it's family or friends.

As for 'what goes around comes around - very true! - the older l get, the more l see it

DKLS

Life is far too short to have toxic people in your life as the saying goes 'I am here for a good time not a long time'.

pops5588

Unfortunately just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you necessarily have the same morals and values. My life has been SO much better since I cut my father out. He was absolute poison and constantly made me feel like the most disgusting human being on the planet, both inside and out.

I wasted my entire childhood trying to win his approval and I thank the powers that be every day for the fact he left my mother for someone else when I was 12. The distance from him was exactly what I needed to slowly get the poison out of my system and I managed to cut all ties 2 years ago. I only hung on as long as I did because he had a daughter with his new wife (who is equally as poisonous and totally worthy of him) and I wanted to try to maintain a relatonship with her but it was all just too painful. I only saw him twice a year and every time he visited all the progress that I had made in the 6 months since the last visit was instantly undone.

Sharing someone's DNA does not mean they automatically have your best interests at heart, it's sad that it happens to so many people but I actually feel a little less alone in it from reading people's stories on here!

zagubov

mountainofdebt wrote: »

What a stupid generalistic comment.
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browneyedbazzi wrote: »

It takes a special kind of stupid to make such blanket comments.

I wasn't being judgemental but trying to explain what funerals could feel like when there have been family rifts.

On the other hand, you're obviously entitled to pass judgement on my post but try to think about that. Although your ripostes seem so vitriolic I wonder if you got my message.

I've no immediate family rifts as painful as yours but I've attended far too many funerals where people should have been there have been absent , and also communicated with people who couldn't be there, and tried to find ways of communicating comfort to bereaved relatives.

Even written letters apologising for and excusing the absence of absentees/ people who couldn't be bothered. Maybe I shouldn't have made the effort, some might think.

Look, take care, and good luck.