Have you cut out a close family member from your life?

System

pigpen wrote: »

My ex inlaws have done the same.. loads and loads of pics of her daughters 2 girls (nearly 2) and no mention or acknowledgment of the 8 other grandchildren she has (aged 8-21 years) not her 2 great-grandchildren (both 13 months)

My mother sent a load of photos of my children back with my daughter when she went to visit a couple of years ago. No reason, she just didn't want them anymore. The least she could have done was chuck them behind the wardrobe or something.

I was angry because my daughter was upset.

pigpen

Judi wrote: »

My mother sent a load of photos of my children back with my daughter when she went to visit a couple of years ago. No reason, she just didn't want them anymore. The least she could have done was chuck them behind the wardrobe or something.

I was angry because my daughter was upset.

We stopped trying to maintain a relationship with them many many years ago.. I have neither the time nor patience for it.. they have walked past the children in the street and not recognised them several times .. we are at the fortunate place now where none of us care any more

alias*alibi

Judi wrote: »

My mother sent a load of photos of my children back with my daughter when she went to visit a couple of years ago. No reason, she just didn't want them anymore. The least she could have done was chuck them behind the wardrobe or something.

I was angry because my daughter was upset.

Aren't families dispicible? My mum has a photo of her dead friend as pride of place on her mantle piece but none of her family on show at all. This was the same friend they travelled to her funeral in Pennsylvania for but when step-dads daughter died of MS a couple of years ago they couldn't be ar.sed to make the journey to Texas citing ill health being the reason when it was in fact they couldn't deal with the negative confrontation that awaited them.

Families make me sick.

trolleyrun

Yes, I've cut out a family member. Never regretted it. Don't want to go into detail, but it was my father and I've never told anyone the whole reason as to why I made my decision. The only downside was that my step-mother was a very nice lady (probably still is tbh), but obviously I don't have any contact with her anymore either.

mountainofdebt

Haven't really spoken to my father for the last 23 yrs after the way he treated my mum when they split up.

Only a couple of days ago I was talking to a colleague about her relationship and I said that sometimes you need to cut people out of your lives for your own benefit and that she would be surprised if she knew who I had cut out of mine.

mountainofdebt

zagubov wrote: »

In the short term it may be worth while cutting some family members out of your life.

Never do anything permanent.

Unless you're a special kind of stupid.

Been to too many funerals of my contemporaries. Keep on as good terms as possible.

As the old posters/T-shirts say "It's later than you think":o

What a stupid generalistic comment.

on the basis I can never see my father apologising for the way he treated my mother or me then I am in no rush to reform a relationship with him.....and for what its worth he's been out of my life for so long we are strangers,

MarilynMonroe_2

I pretty much don't have anything to do with any family and nope no regrets x

krlyr

geoffky wrote: »

My wife has not spoken to her brother for twenty odd years because of the women he married and some trouble she caused in my wife's family(never asked the full story) Her parents have not spoken to him either and he is written out of the will..
but i really find it so sad as i lost my younger sister when she was 18 and would give the world to talk to her today..
If it is possible i hope that one day they will be friends again.

As someone who has decided to cut out a family member, the thing that gets to me most is the family that keep saying we'll make up eventually, or that it's such a shame I don't speak to my dad, etc.

I know they mean well, but they're comparing my relationship to my father with their relationship to theirs, or societies expectation of the relationship.

You may give the world to speak to your sister, but obviously your wife does not feel the same about her brother because she is in the position where she could do something about it, and she hasn't. My dad now lives only a few miles away - if I wanted to, I could pop around and see him. But I don't want to, and I don't think it's a shame at all. It's a shame he turned out to be the person he is, but that's not in my control.

Not everyone in ours lives is a good person, simply because they're related to us. Even if you can't change your feelings on the situation, I would urge you, and anyone else in the same situation, to think about why someone would go to the extreme of cutting off a close relative - I imagine sometimes it's just an argument blown up and a case of everyone being too proud to say sorry, but in many cases it may just be that they dislike that person and/or their morals, regardless of the family connection. If my dad was anyone but my dad, I would feel the same way, and I don't think my genetic makeup should change that.

browneyedbazzi

zagubov wrote: »

In the short term it may be worth while cutting some family members out of your life.

Never do anything permanent.

Unless you're a special kind of stupid.

Been to too many funerals of my contemporaries. Keep on as good terms as possible.

As the old posters/T-shirts say "It's later than you think":o

It takes a special kind of stupid to make such blanket comments.

A lot of people are much better off without some family members in their lives and I count myself as one of them having completely cut off a sister who had serious issues with physical violence, drug abuse and worse. She had nothing but a destructive effect on the lives of people around her. My life is a much better place without her in it and I have never once regretted the decision I made. And it isn't a new thing that I'll come to regret in time...it's been over 15 years.

As far as children go, I've still maintained a relationship with my niece and nephew as my sister was nowhere near responsible enough to look after them so they've lived with their grandparents.

olgadapolga

I have severed all contact with two of my siblings who were emotional leeches and very difficult to deal with, constantly ringing to whinge down the phone for hours on end. As for the rest of my family I have very little to do with them - my father is just plain awful and very controlling (which the rest of my siblings fail to see and think that he is wonderful) - he never speaks to me anyway so no great loss there; and my other sibling has never made any effort to keep in touch with me and it was a very one-sided relationship so the only person I really talk to now is my mother.

Regrets? Absolutely none. It was constant give, give, give on my side and I finally decided that enough was enough. My life is far better for NOT having these people in it. I don't miss them at all.