Have you cut out a close family member from your life?

missty25

Just wondering for those of you out there that have cut a close family member out of your life especially when they have children that you will then not see or be part of there lives, have you regretted it?

Don't want to go into great but when you can't live your own life for worrying about someone and when every bit of advice given to them is ignored and you've actually grown to almost have a feeling of hate towards them and feel like you wouldn't care if you don't see them again but not seeing the children involved if you decide to cut ties, what would you do?

elsien

I have, but it's an older relative so children don't come into it. And it was a blessed relief.

SmallL

My OH deeply *hates* (its probably more a very deep frustration) his sister due to her life 'choices' and her impact on the rest of the family.
To summarize she is in about 8k debt (to her father) with no grasp of budgeting, has a child, pedigree dog, fish and cats and a partner who is as much use as a chocolate teapot.
However everyone loves her little boy, he is lovely and we only want the best for him. But she tends to use him as a bargaining chip with her dad to get money.

Its a horrible situation and we have poured love and money into trying to fix the relationship between her, her father and us. It's come to a head at the minute where she MUST pay her rent or there will be serious consequences for the family and finances.

Its very hard and i don't envy anyone in similar situations

pigpen

I dumped my dad.. does that count??

He is a tool.. I reported him to the police 9 years ago.. he sees my children 2 or 3 times a year when he brings my very elderly grandmother to see them..

Best thing I ever did!

maman

My DH has, more or less, cut one of his brothers out of his life. As it happens, most of the rest of the family have done the same. It all stems back to him owing just about everyone money and he's had all the chances anyone is prepared to give. So now we just send Christmas cards and are polite if we happen to meet him but no involvement as such. Fortunately his children are now adults so can socialise independently.

missty25

I have never felt like this about anyone in my life and I'm not someone that falls out with people, I've never really had this feeling of hatred for someone before but over the past 12/14 moths they have caused nothing but grief for me but I know I would not see said children again if I do cut ties.

If I explained all of my issues every thing would get turned back to me as they are never to blame for anything and I would be the one at fault. They would never accept that they behave in this way either.

SmallL

missty25 wrote: »

I have never felt like this about anyone in my life and I'm not someone that falls out with people, I've never really had this feeling of hatred for someone before but over the past 12/14 moths they have caused nothing but grief for me but I know I would not see said child again if I do cut ties.

If I explained all of my issues every thing would get turned back to me as they are never to blame for anything and I would be the one at fault. They would never accept that they behave in this way either.

Thats exactly what we are finding, OH's sister has accused her own father of being a liar when we last confronted her for not paying her rent. She believes shes the only mature member of the family, the only sensible one thats 'holding it together' when really shes the ice in the cracks forcing it apart.

Tiglath

I've dramatically reduced the time I spend with my mother and sister and nieces - I just can't stand the noise and drama, especially when each one whines to me about the others, and they ask for advice but then ignore it at every turn and still expect me to spend time and money sorting out their problems. Not seeing the older niece is a particular blessing - she's just vile. A few months ago I realised it was making me ill with worry, so I made a conscious decision to reduce contact and I don't feel guilty about it. My mother admitted recently she's never been there for me and that all her energy has gone into my co-dependent sister and her kids. They're the only 'family' I have but they're just too much.

missty25

Everything had just gone down hill in the past few weeks after an incident with the children and I feel like it was not taken seriously by the parents and instead was used as a way to cause aggro between them with me in the middle (the parents are separated btw) and use anything as tit for tat to get at each other but the incident was very serious and should not have been used in such a way as to be used to wind each other up. Making it appear that they are more concerned with winding each other up and getting at each other than taking the issue at hand seriously and being concerned for the children involved.

It is still an ongoing issue that has not been dealt with properly by child's parents but I have done all that I can in the matter. As I said I don't want to go into too much detail but I'm at the end of my tether and would be glad not to hear from this person.

I have tried the not contacting them but if I don't I can have umpteen missed calls in a day and they turn up unannounced, it's terrible but my heart sinks when I know said person is at the door.

view

it's funny, I've been thinking about whether to write about this, for advice, for a while now. I have cut almost all ties with SIL. Not going to go into it in too much detail, however, this will effectively mean husband doesn't really see her, her daughter (our niece) nor father as much.

It's gotten to a point where SIL has shown zero remorse for acting and speaking horribly to me, blaming me for horrible words she spat at me (I don't get it either) not opening presents we give her (as in cannot be bothered it will probably be !!!!! anyway) and not advising us of family events (not even Father's day brunch).

I have tried to make amends, although it wasn't my fault, to keep peace and this has just given her the green light to carry on with more horrible behaviour.

I can only put it down to green eyed monster on the 'great' life she thinks her brother and I have. She (deliberately) married into money where we both work and save hard and have lovely holidays.

I can see no way forward but to cut ties. It's horrible. It's not to be taken lightly. It's hopefully the final method for her to realise how she's behaving.

Would not wish this on anyone, it's all consuming.

I know people will say 'you'll regret it when it's too late' however, if the tables were turned how many more years do you allow horrible excluding behaviour to affect your lives. We have given many opening for her to chat about this, she's not interested in the slightest... lead a horse and all.

Calien27

Oddly enough I was thinking about this the other day.

I haven't yet, but if things continue the way they are, I fully intend to completely cut my brother out of my life. There are far too many reasons why to list, I'll just summarize it by saying he's a toxic person.