Is this underhand or what?

onlyroz

Valli wrote: »

I used the word ranking to clarify that some people who were invited had exactly the same connection as others. Not only were we not invited, we were not even told that the wedding was taking place.

It was all deliberate; but not relevant to this thread. Had we been told, however, that they were keeping numbers low (for whatever reason) that would have been understood. And, given that we would have saved the cost of travel, plus hotels, plus cost of outfits, plus cost of gift etc we might well think we'd got off lightly! But to not even tell some of your cousins you're getting married when other cousins have been invited to attend? Rude - plain rude!

But, having had personal experience of the hurt caused when family members are deliberately snubbed I wouldn't be so crass as to leave someone out in future. If I couldn't afford to include them I would, at least, tell them.

Again, though, just because another first cousin (or whoever) is invited to a wedding it doesn't mean that the couple have to invite all first cousins. Or if they get on better with the step-second-cousin than they do with the half brother then they should not feel obligated to invite both of them. Their wedding, their money and so their choice over who to invite. And yes they probably should have told you hey were getting married but they probably had a million and one other things to organise and it probably slipped their mind. I doubt that a deliberate snub was intended. Sounds like you didn't really want to go anyway.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

onlyroz wrote: »

Again, though, just because another first cousin (or whoever) is invited to a wedding it doesn't mean that the couple have to invite all first cousins. Or if they get on better with the step-second-cousin than they do with the half brother then they should not feel obligated to invite both of them. Their wedding, their money and so their choice over who to invite. And yes they probably should have told you hey were getting married but they probably had a million and one other things to organise and it probably slipped their mind. I doubt that a deliberate snub was intended. Sounds like you didn't really want to go anyway.

It's quite obvious that Valli knows this - her point is of inviting some and not even telling the others.

Valli

Absolutely. it's perfectly acceptable to have a wedding and invite whomsoever you choose and, equally, not invite others. As I said, I would totally understand (and accept) if we had got a 'we're getting married but we're keeping the numbers low' message.

Thing is, though, EVERY OTHER cousin was invited. Including my younger half sister and brother. We found out there'd been a wedding after the marriage. So we couldn't even have sent a card.

Being an optimist I look on the bright side anyway - so NOT being invited to a wedding is a massive saving;)

Kayalana99

I didn't realise that youngest DS was actally her ex husbands...

I think its disgusting to have a whole family party and not invite one of the kids like that.....

Fair enough on the OP I think but I think you've not overreacted at all and I take back what I said ...Son & GF shouldn't go unless thier brother is invited at least!!

lostinrates

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I didn't realise that youngest DS was actally her ex husbands...

I think its disgusting to have a whole family party and not invite one of the kids like that.....

Fair enough on the OP I think but I think you've not overreacted at all and I take back what I said ...Son & GF shouldn't go unless thier brother is invited at least!!

So few details are really that clear. Is it really the case that EVERY other family member besides ds 2 (and OP) have been invited? Or have they invited a smaller group of relatives for a smaller gathering?

If it is a deliberate exclusion of one then I think op certainly needs to find out what is going on and why. Is something being discussed about ds2 that she doesn't know about, for example?

duchy

So far as I can see there is no blood relationship with OP and Auntie
It's an adult family party so older DS and GF are invited as a couple, younger DS isn't invited cos in Aunitie or Grandma's eyes he's not yet a grown up (rightly or wrongly). OP isn't invited because she's not family. (I'm assuming younger DS *is* a blood relative btw)

I would in the OP's shoes think very carefully about the comment that Auntie felt she couldn't get to know GF without OP butting in-There were a million other (more tactful) excuses MIL could have given so there's possibly some truth to it. TBH the OP sounds a bit like my cousin -she's a lovely lady but a very strong character. She keeps involved with her ex husband's children from his previous marriage but looking from the outside sometimes I do feel she does overstep the mark and makes comments close family can make but others shouldn't and ithe well meaning butting in is tolerated because her adult step children have affection for her rather than because it is appropriate or that they don't mind. Could you be butting in like a family member even when you're not one ?

Basically though - The hostess can invite whomsoever she pleases and it would be the height of bad manners to ring up and demand why you haven't got an invite. DS has already enquired and discovered it wasn't an oversight so that should be that.

If you turn it into a drama -or want to ....perhaps that's why you weren't invited .