Is this underhand or what?

anxious_mum

Yes, I will do it tomorrow.

Valli - I'm sorry, maybe I didn't explain myself properly. Again: I do not have a problem with my in laws, I do not have a problem with my sons. The problem I have RIGHT NOW is a communication problem with my ex MIL. I have taken a lot of advice, and I have thrown a lot of 'advice' away.

Thank you, MSE people for being there for me :-)

marmitepotato

I would drop son and GF off at the picnic. Get out of the car with a pressie and a card. Give these to aunty, with a kiss and a promise to catch up with her later.

LannieDuck

I'd be more upset that younger son hasn't been invited along with his brother.

Kayalana99

LannieDuck wrote: »

I'd be more upset that younger son hasn't been invited along with his brother.

I wouldn't if my Dad's sister(i.e my auntie) held a party why would she invite my sister and brother who are my mums kids through a differnert partner? She would invite my Dad and his kids...not then think oh they have a brother/sister I should invite as well as they are not her family.

It would just be weird...

Obvouisly OP has a differnert relationship with her MIL/FIL but the other sibling isn't family to her ex husband and is no way related....

I would take most of these new harsh posts on the chin OP, the way I see it you over reacted, asked for advice and have now calmed down, so good on you....some of these posts are basicly aimed at your intital reaction/as in your still in that state of mind.

if that makes sense.

zzzLazyDaisy

onlyroz wrote: »

I think you're reading far too much into this. It just sounds, to me, like the auntie wants to meet your son's girlfriend. Fair enough, I'd have thought - and now your son's an adult he doesn't need mummy trailing behind him all the time.

This ^^^^

Be the bigger person. Send number one son to the BBQ with your blessings and a birthday card/present for Auntie J. Then take a deep breath, and step back.

There is no reason why every member of the family has to be invited to every occasion. You might have come as a package when your kids were small, but now you are all grown up individuals.

securityguy

LannieDuck wrote: »

I'd be more upset that younger son hasn't been invited along with his brother.

Yeah, because getting involved in an argument because your adult offspring aren't both invited to parties won't make you look mad at all.

FBaby

I totally misunderstood. When you wrote DS and his girlfriend, I thought you mean HER DS, not yours.

It is very strange she would imply that she couldn't get to know your son's girlfriend if you were there??? That is frankly quite insulting. If you have the close relationship you claim and regularly invite them, it seems incredibly rude that you wouldn't be invited, unless it was an issue with your ex, him being there and not comfortable with you there either. You've said nothing about him and whether he will be there. If he is not the issue though, I would be very upset to be left out.

securityguy

FBaby wrote: »

I totally misunderstood. When you wrote DS and his girlfriend, I thought you mean HER DS, not yours.

It is very strange she would imply that she couldn't get to know your son's girlfriend if you were there???

If I found myself in a position where I couldn't speak to my adult relatives without their parents and their siblings coming along, I suspect I would be far less subtle than the OP's relatives are.

The contention that in order to invite a 20 year old to an event you have to invite their mother and their brother as well is just mad.

FBaby

securityguy wrote: »

The contention that in order to invite a 20 year old to an event you have to invite their mother and their brother as well is just mad.

No, the contention is why, if they care so much about OP, are happy to come over to her place regularly and claim she is family, would they leave her and youngest son out? You either invite family members you like, or you don't.

CH27

I just can't understand why you are so miffed over not being invited to a family event when you aren't part of that family.