Is this underhand or what?

anxious_mum

Blimey coolcait, chill out!"

Why on earth would you be a bit off with your son's GF? How is she culpable in all of this? She has said she doesn't want to go without you. she's all on your side. Yet, you 'feel you're going to be a little bit "off" with her'. That one sentence sums up how self-centred you appear.


I'm not 'off' with my son's GF, maybe you should read it through again.

I'm not self centred, I'm sorry you got that from everything I tried to imply (infer?? I never know). so, read it again :-)

KxMx

I can understand that you are upset and hurt.
But if the invite was for oldest DS+ girlfriend then it would be issued through them and not you as his Mum. Nothing underhand, sneaky or riding roughshod over your feelings. At nearly 20 he is an adult after all and the invite has been issued adult to adult. Quite normal.
And if Auntie J wants to get to know DS's new girlfriend without you or youngest DS there, then that's her call. She's indicated (rightly or wrongly) there is a reason she doesn't want you there at the same time. Elsewhere you have indicated oldest DS is the favourite with that side of the family so that may explain the lack of invite for youngest DS.

As people get older, families grow, complicated by separations caused by divorce, it becomes less and less normal for everyone to be invited to and attend every event.

anxious_mum

OK OK meritaten! I will do it tomorrow! I will call (even though it might be on some kind of side sliding reason, and she won't 'know' why I'm calling) I will call! Ok? Thank you. :-)

anxious_mum

KxMx, thanks so much. You speak (although I know I can only see you type, but bear with me) as a very calm, collected person. You have calmed me. Thank you.

meritaten

Jeez - you were hard work a-m! Nagging DOES work! lol - perhaps it could be a 'courtesy' call? to hope the good weather keeps up?

well done a-m! let us know what transpires? please?

anxious_mum

yes. Nagging! Blimey, I thought my mother was bad!

coolcait

anxious_mum wrote: »

Blimey coolcait, chill out!"

Why on earth would you be a bit off with your son's GF? How is she culpable in all of this? She has said she doesn't want to go without you. she's all on your side. Yet, you 'feel you're going to be a little bit "off" with her'. That one sentence sums up how self-centred you appear.


I'm not 'off' with my son's GF, maybe you should read it through again.

I'm not self centred, I'm sorry you got that from everything I tried to imply (infer?? I never know). so, read it again :-)

Aaaah! A case of too many 'shes' in the sentence!

This is how I understood what you had said:

"Now, though, she has completely shot herself in the foot. DS has said that he won't go without me, his GF doesn't know anyone there apart from DS and his grannie so she (GF) doesn't want to go without me, and when she rings me next I feel I'm going to be a little bit 'off' with her".

Your DS's GF was the last female mentioned before the part about ringing you. That's why I thought that you were going to be 'off' with the GF.

Apparently you meant:

"Now, though, [grannie] has completely shot herself in the foot. DS has said that he won't go without me, his GF doesn't know anyone there apart from DS and his grannie so [GF] doesn't want to go without me, and when [grannie] rings me next I feel I'm going to be a little bit 'off' with her."

Understood. The GF is safe from your ire. The grannie is not.

I do still think that it's self-centred to expect to be invited, to be feeling so upset about not being invited, and to be kicking up such a stooshie about it.

There are umpteen wedding threads, and kid's birthday party threads, which cover the same issues.

Some people share my view that it is the organiser's prerogative on who to invite; others take the view that it is a social solecism of extraordinary magnitude not to invite people who feel that they should be there.

Valli

FWIW this is my take on it, from reading the thread. I may be wrong.

You know this 'really good relationship' you have with your in-laws - are you sure?

You invite them to yours and they *sometimes* see their grandsons. But do they EVER invite YOU to anything? To their home?
I think they *put up* with you in order to maintain a relationship with their grandsons.

And your DS WON'T go without you? At nearly 20?

meritaten

anxious_mum wrote: »

yes. Nagging! Blimey, I thought my mother was bad!

roflmao - practice a-m! its just that I care - and I would hate to see what was previously an excellent and rare relationship break down, simply cos someone wouldn't pick up the phone and TALK!

onlyroz

I think you're reading far too much into this. It just sounds, to me, like the auntie wants to meet your son's girlfriend. Fair enough, I'd have thought - and now your son's an adult he doesn't need mummy trailing behind him all the time.