Father issues - still - again......

thorsoak

GotToChange wrote: »

Well, I think about this and I know that I would settle for so little, so I don't think my hopes are too high - but possibly anything would be too high?

I was actually doing quite well in (mentally, as geographical is already covered) distancing myself. I moved and did not give him my new address, but his brother then passed it on so he felt inclined to write. But then, when I write back, I am told that I mustn't.

Even after the call on 1/7, I actually changed my number so that the call he would attempt the next week would fail. But the laugh was on me as, as the letter that he sent proved, he had zero intention of calling me anyway.

It's so tiring*. People tell me to "walk away" - but now can I walk away from someone who is effectively pushing me away anyway.











*There is a strong chance that this could quite easily become tired of living.

If you walk away, he cannot push you any more!

thorsoak

Just clicked on my F/B page ...and a comment has jumped out at me..."THE BEST WAY TO MOVE FORWARD IS TO LET GO OF THE PEOPLE HOLDING YOU BACK"

This really does seem to apply to you!

GotToChange

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Do you often read all these letters and emails?

No, not at all.
I can no longer follow the order they were written, whether or not I sent them, whether or not he replied blah blah.
So - despite appearances to the contrary - I prefer to think that I don't wallow in it. I want to fix it or forget it - but both seem equally impossible.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Compost them. At least the soil will benefit.

You are never going to fix it.

GotToChange

thorsoak wrote: »

Just clicked on my F/B page ...and a comment has jumped out at me..."THE BEST WAY TO MOVE FORWARD IS TO LET GO OF THE PEOPLE HOLDING YOU BACK"

This really does seem to apply to you!

Having just re-read (with embarrassment) some of my previous threads on this very subject, I find it hard to believe that I will manage to move forward.....
....I certainly haven't managed it so far.

System

GotToChange wrote: »

The more I read you lovely people saying this, the more I begin to feel that it may just be the best thing to do.....
....but all of my life I have been expected to deny my past, not even have one. Ugh, it's so hard.

You've got a past but your choosing not to let it control you.

GotToChange

Judi wrote: »

You've got a past but your choosing not to let it control you.

And yet, people who have had a decent past are allowed to mention it (without living in it?), be nostalgic, sentimental blah blah.
The first time I even said out loud that I had "no" parents (around - much/at all) my Grandmother went crazy . I was 11.
By the time I was able to talk about it, no-body would help me.
Simply put, I hate myself. I always have and suppose that I always will. The actions of both of my parents do nothing other than confirm the fact that I am quite right to.

thorsoak

This is where I butt out of this thread - you obviously want/need to wallow in your self-loathing and I for one do not intend to indulge you any further.

I wish you well in your life - but somehow I don't forsee a happy one

GotToChange

thorsoak wrote: »

This is where I butt out of this thread - you obviously want/need to wallow in your self-loathing and I for one do not intend to indulge you any further.

I wish you well in your life - but somehow I don't forsee a happy one

Oh.
I appreciate what you said but don't understand why you would also predict the future.....


I also appreciate what everyone else has said but guess that I am not responding correctly.
Funny isn't it - one bad thing leads to another sometimes.

Errata

GotToChange wrote: »

Having just re-read (with embarrassment) some of my previous threads on this very subject, I find it hard to believe that I will manage to move forward.....
....I certainly haven't managed it so far.

You're probably right. Every time you let him treat you badly it proves to you that he's a bad dad. Why do you need that confirmation over and over again?