Father issues - still - again......

GotToChange

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

You actually asked



So I answered. If you hadn't actually asked that particular question, I'd not have responded.

And if it makes you realise that you have been asking this in this user name and previous user names for at least 8 years; surely even you must realise that you are going nowhere with this line of enquiry.

At some point you will need to either accept that 'it's the way he is' and deal with it - or actually stop responding to him. Or as was put succinctly 'put up or shut up'.

If you keep doing the same thing; you will get the same result. Go you. :T

Dare I ask where you get 8 years from.....?
That would be 2005 and I know I didn't join this site then... (did it even exist??)

You could have said that I was repeating myself in this thread - or mentioned the others, no real need (I think, that is) to link them.....

On this occasion - as it may well have needed to be - I had/have reached the end of my tether - but alongside that, I have lost whatever nerve I ever had and that the brusque approach just makes me feel worse. I AM trying - but I am also answering questions that arise from people who have either not read previous threads (nor would I expect them to) or who can see that there was probably never going to be - however much I or anyone may wish it - a relatively quick fix for me with this.

I am sad that you can't see that but then it wouldn't do for us all to be the same, would it.


Oh and I knew the"... do what you've always done = get what you've always got ..."would get paraphrased at some point so gold star for that.

But whilstever people are asking the questions that need responses (and for which I am appreciative), I cannot yet "shut up". You, on the other hand, can butt out if you prefer. I promise I won't engage with you further.

thorsoak

When a friend had received some hateful letters from an ex-boyfriend, she kept them for some time, and stewed on them for quite some time. Then a wise old woman told her to buy a couple of helium balloons, tie the letters to them - take them up to a high hill - and then let the balloons go! My friend did eventually do that ...though she said that she wished that she had tied him on the balloons - and been able to shoot them(and him) down!

Just a suggestion....

Funky_Bold_Ribena

GotToChange wrote: »

Dare I ask where you get 8 years from.....?
That would be 2005 and I know I didn't join this site then... (did it even exist??)

You could have said that I was repeating myself in this thread - or mentioned the others, no real need (I think, that is) to link them.....

On this occasion - as it may well have needed to be - I had/have reached the end of my tether - but alongside that, I have lost whatever nerve I ever had and that the brusque approach just makes me feel worse. I AM trying - but I am also answering questions that arise from people who have either not read previous threads (nor would I expect them to) or who can see that there was probably never going to be - however much I or anyone may wish it - a relatively quick fix for me with this.

I am sad that you can't see that but then it wouldn't do for us all to be the same, would it.


Oh and I knew the"... do what you've always done = get what you've always got ..."would get paraphrased at some point so gold star for that.

But whilstever people are asking the questions that need responses (and for which I am appreciative), I cannot yet "shut up". You, on the other hand, can butt out if you prefer. I promise I won't engage with you further.

You can issue as many gold stars as you want; if it makes you feel better. People always shoot the messenger. But the message has been coming in loud and clear from those that are diplomatic and those that aren't...you really need to do something as it's been dragging you down for a fair while hasn't it?

No doubt there will be a 'thank you for all the helpful responses' post soon...

GotToChange

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

You can issue as many gold stars as you want; if it makes you feel better. People always shoot the messenger. But the message has been coming in loud and clear from those that are diplomatic and those that aren't...you really need to do something as it's been dragging you down for a fair while hasn't it?

No doubt there will be a 'thank you for all the helpful responses' post soon...

I am aware of what I have done and not done over the years. You want me to be embarrassed about it? Fine, I am - how could I not be.

I guess that I would half-hope that anyone who joined the thread to input their view would realise that that didn't need to be pointed out. and I am "happy" to take on board the comments and suggestions that anyone may care to make....

...but what I can't seem to get across (to you? others??) is that making reference to what has gone on does not mean that I want to stay stuck in it; that the previous threads may well be variations on a theme (but resurrecting them would be a little crazy and no doubt would be questioned....), which in actual fact means that this has already proved a situation that I have - so far - been unable to extricate myself from - for all the reasons that I have already stated. I cannot help it if you have a far more pragmatic approach; I probably would do too if I did not feel that the way things are and have been is almost a part of my ****ing DNA, whether I want it that way or not!

Many many people have had something to say on here - and I have answered honestly and (too?) lengthily (for your liking maybe?) to everyone who has responded and --guess what -
I AM bloody grateful. Should I not be?
Grateful to everyone.
Make of that what you will.


Referring to old threads is understandable, linking them is weird and unhelpful but forgivable. Adding a few years to my history on here - for some reason? - and looking for other profiles (yes, there was one and if you can find it, please direct me to it..... because that is why this one says what it does) serves no postive purpose in my view.

GotToChange

thorsoak wrote: »

When a friend had received some hateful letters from an ex-boyfriend, she kept them for some time, and stewed on them for quite some time. Then a wise old woman told her to buy a couple of helium balloons, tie the letters to them - take them up to a high hill - and then let the balloons go! My friend did eventually do that ...though she said that she wished that she had tied him on the balloons - and been able to shoot them(and him) down!

Just a suggestion....

Yes.

I would do this - except -
I get unhappy when I see deflated helium ballons in the hedgerows (only one step below those lanterns in my opinion); I used to ride my lovely old boy around the local fields and bridleways and although he was the most unflappable character in most every way, fluttering balloons caught on the thorns would send him into low earth orbit! (Leaving me on the ground though....)

Seriously though, yes, I agree they should go and possibly with a little ceremony. I really am working on it (in between trying not to fall out with Ribena....)


But to quote myself when I stopped smoking (maaannny years ago) and when I faked closing my email address down so the my Father would just stopitstopitstopitplease, "it is a process rather than an event".

Funky_Bold_Ribena

GotToChange wrote: »

Referring to old threads is understandable, linking them is weird and unhelpful but forgivable. Adding a few years to my history on here - for some reason? - and looking for other profiles (yes, there was one and if you can find it, please direct me to it..... because that is why this one says what it does) serves no postive purpose in my view.

Of course not. Neither does holding onto hate mail, in my view.

Sorry - I was using your tactics against you. I apologise. My bad.

pops5588

GTC the only problem I have is that you say you don't want to stay stuck in this (a few posts ago) but in response to my post you said you believe you are beyond help and basically resign yourself to eternal misery. Which is it? I sincerely hope that it is the former.

GotToChange

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Of course not. Neither does holding onto hate mail, in my view.

Sorry - I was using your tactics against you. I apologise. My bad.

The two don't really compare, do they?

I'm really not sure what you get out of this.... I bow to your "superiority" and have admitted my embarrassment at, on top of the situation itself, being unable to remove myself from it easily.

You (purposely?) stopped being helpful some time ago and I realise that I am still responding to you so it's all my own fault... But you must admit that some of what you are saying is designed to inflame the situation (you still haven't directed me to my previous profile/username...) and you are becoming almost as repetitive as I am

If you find this entertaining, indeed -(ugh*) your bad.






*Almost but not quite = "Simples"

GotToChange

pops5588 wrote: »

GTC the only problem I have is that you say you don't want to stay stuck in this (a few posts ago) but in response to my post you said you believe you are beyond help and basically resign yourself to eternal misery. Which is it? I sincerely hope that it is the former.

I am just getting a bit tired and confused I suppose.....

Each time I am "told" that I am not taking appropriate steps, I do feel defeated as I actually am making small progress even as I am responding on here.

I have to do the practical things (my initial reason for asking for advice) that help me to feel that at least they are "under control" or even gone (and some actually have gone) but writing off/forgetting/call it what you will The Past - and at the same time, deleting in advance a part of the future that I always have hoped may be different, does not feel that great, truth be told. Even though it should, I know that.

Let alone the fact that I have felt this way for such a long time, I do indeed feel cursed and more than a little doomed to be this way forever; just changing something as ephemeral as the way I think or see things is a very "flimsy" thing to attempt to do when background, parents and all of that is so fundamental to a person....
.... but I am trying. And that is all I can do.

heartbreak_star

I don't think FBR is being obnoxious, GTC - I think they're just frustrated.

You really need to see a doctor, I believe.

HBS x