Best way to deal with colleague making nasty personal comments?

geoffky

I would say to her..Look i realise the menopause must be hard to bare but do not take it out on me....

cte1111

I'd just smile and ignore her. Lack of reaction is the best way to stop people like this.

I really wouldn't go for the witty comebacks, these are very likely to get you in hot water yourself.

Bennifred

I would reply very sincerely: "How nice of you to say so" every time. Easy to remember and fits lots of occasions!

ineed

Quasar wrote: »

Just ask her, with an angelic smile: "Do you feel better about yourself now that you said that?". Do that every time she makes her remarks, whether alone or in front of others. She won't like you for it but she'll leave you alone eventually.

Agree 100% with this, this is what I would do in that situation.

If she's making comments while you're chatting with others, I'd also maybe try, "I'm not sure how that personal comment you just made about me relates to the topic we're discussing. Can you make the connection clearer to me?"

Caitlin_Bree

Don't smile, laugh, deadpan that she's "funny", or humour her in any way as it will perpetuate the idea to her that it's an acceptable thing to joke about/make fun of you with.
If an offended sounding "excuse me?" or "rude!" don't shut her up, it may be time to take her to one side and tell her you don't appreciate her snidey comments.

Skintski

I'd just let her comment hang in the air while staring at her and then finally go back into conversation with "moving swiftly on..." She'll get the picture when no one laughs.

bossymoo

I'm going to store some of these away for future reference! Not for me, but there is someone in my office who just seems to be a target for a couple of beaches comments. I try to interject, as that someone rarely stands up for themselves. I consider it bullying behaviour tbh. I wouldn't stand by at let it happen at school, I sure wont ignore it as an adult.

It does make bullies easier to deal with once you understand it's driven by their own fears and insecurities

Peater

As much as the 'witty' or savage comebacks are attractive, life is not a sitcom or an episode of Eastender's.

The best approach is to calmly tell them/let them know publicly that their behavior is not acceptable. Nothing like shame to knock them down a peg.

And yes, the occurrence of most nasty comments is due to insecurities of the person saying it. I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it.

sassyblue

Skintski wrote: »

I'd just let her comment hang in the air while staring at her and then finally go back into conversation with "moving swiftly on..." She'll get the picture when no one laughs.

You're right, sometimes silence is best, just to let her words hang in the air....

bossymoo wrote: »

I'm going to store some of these away for future reference! Not for me, but there is someone in my office who just seems to be a target for a couple of beaches comments. I try to interject, as that someone rarely stands up for themselves. I consider it bullying behaviour tbh. I wouldn't stand by at let it happen at school, I sure wont ignore it as an adult.

It does make bullies easier to deal with once you understand it's driven by their own fears and insecurities

I'm the same as you, l'd stick up for anyone l see being bullied, can't bear it.

Bean83

I had this problem once with a colleague of about 50 (I was early twenties at the time) who kept making comments about my weight. Every time I had lunch, she'd peer over and make rude comments about how unhealthy I was, how I was going to get fat, did I have any idea how terrible my diet was? etc etc. Admittedly, I was feeling a bit sensitive about this issue as a close friend was suffering from a horrible eating disorder.

Anyway, eventually one day I just snapped, and yelled "I've run over 20 miles this week and I'm a size 8, I'm NOT GOING TO GET FAT so stop going on about my weight!". This worked a treat, she never said another thing. My other colleagues found it hilarious, and never let me forget 'the day Bean83 went mental' :rotfl:

Worst thing was, she was about a size 18, so I guess she was just feeling bad about herself and taking it out on me. I felt a bit sorry for her afterwards. I probably wouldn't recommend this approach as the best way to deal with a colleague either, but it worked for me!