Best way to deal with colleague making nasty personal comments?

barbiedoll

The next time she makes a nasty comment, simply say (with a big smile) "Sorry, I didn't catch that". If she says the same thing again, you should say "Sorry, you'll have to speak louder, I didn't quite hear you"...she is not going to want to repeat the same b1tchy comment two or three times and if she IS stupid enough to do so, the comment will have lost all of the venom. It will also make her sound incredibly pathetic to anyone else within earshot.

Good luck!

diable

Next time she makes a comment just come back with "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all"

caeler

IMHO the best suggestions I've heard here are a) to respond to any future remark with 'that was a bit rude/personal' and/or b) find a quiet moment to have a 1:1 chat about her occasional personal comments. If this is a new thing in your relationship perhaps something has caused her outbursts, not trying to make excuses but she could be in need and is just lashing out with those around her.

To those of you suggesting this is bullying and needs escalation, I'm not sure it is bullying at this stage and calling in HR will escalate this massively which I don't think the OP wants. However it needs to be nipped in the bud.

I hope you find a solution that suits you and navigates through this uncomfortable situation.

paulineb_2

Id ask to speak to her with someone else present, as if you speak one to one, she might then say you've had words with her, attack is a form of defence and all of that.

If someone said I had fat knees, Id just say, I know dear, you should see the size of my backside.

As for my roots, well, speaking as someone who has highlights and lowlights and leaves a good 3 months inbetween colours, when I get my roots touched up is my bloody business, not anyone elses.

Happy people dont go on like that but you know that anyway.

I remember telling a work colleague that I was going for dinner with a new bf and she said to me

"has he seen how much you can eat"

And this was from someone who of course had her own weight battles.

Its just classic projection of how she feels about her own self onto you.

Tiddlywinks

It's a professional environment - well, it *should* be - so your response should be professional to avoid any misunderstanding / complaint from her.

You want to ensure your responses don't fall foul of any code of conduct the company may have.

Something along the lines of 'hm, I'm not sure how to take what you just said... Please could you explain why you felt that comment was necessary?'

Then, follow up the next time with 'these personal remarks are tedious and unnecessary - please stop as I do not appreciate your comments'.

Make a note of what she said and your response along with names of any witnesses. You can be discrete or obvious about taking notes; each has its merits.

Third time? Enough is enough - she has been warned and it is bullying behaviour... Take it up with her manager or HR.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

The same way to deal with every bully. Stop what you are doing, look slowly at your watch, draw out your diary, lick your pencil and write word for word what was said, who was there and any context. If she asks what you are doing, say that 'I have been advised to note down each and every incident' and say no more. If it gets worse you will have documented evidence and a whole list of witnesses.

Tiddlywinks

caeler wrote: »

To those of you suggesting this is bullying and needs escalation, I'm not sure it is bullying at this stage and calling in HR will escalate this massively which I don't think the OP wants. However it needs to be nipped in the bud.

It does fit the ACAS definition of bullying:

http://m.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/l/r/Bullying_and_harassment_employer_2010-accessible-version-July-2011.pdf

'offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, an abuse or misuse of power through means that undermine, humiliate, denigrate or injure the recipient.'

pigpen

I'd ask what she hoped to achieve with rudeness and nastiness.. remember the old adage 'you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar'.. I'd also mention I was not threatened by her nasty behaviour but if she felt threatened by my presence then she need not because I did not want her job.

I'd make sure it was witnessed too and if it continues then take it further.. This type of person usually backs off when challenged.

Arachne_2

I agree with the suggestion that's she's insecure. Maybe picking holes in you makes her feel better about herself.

Not justifying it of course, nothing I hate more than bullies. Especially ones old enough to know better.

Love the fat mouth suggestion and Barbiedoll's "I didn't catch that?" suggestion's also worth a go - let her fall into her own hole.

Good luck and don't let one person get you down

bacardi66

Its strange because I have worked with her on and off for about 10 years and this has only happened in the last few months and I haven't noticed her doing it to anyone else.

As most of you have said, I imagine its her own unhappiness and/or insecurity that makes her do it, thank you for your advice - at least I've got a few ideas up my sleeve in case Im on the receiving comments of any nasty comments today