Best way to deal with colleague making nasty personal comments?

Tiddlywinks

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,

just get straight to the point,

'Shut the f***, b***h!'

... and then look forward to an interview with your manager and HR about your inappropriate behaviour!

tea_lover

I'm guessing tapping her on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper isn't appropriate?

Failing that, just stop and look at her when she says something inappropriate. Wait a few seconds, say "rude". Then just carry on with what you were doing. I reckon doing that a couple of times would stop her.

sassyblue

'Did you actually just say THAT?!

'Wow' (said in a deadpan voice)

Alternatively just stare at her with a knowing look, she'll get the message.

I've mentioned before l work with an uber b*tch, and he is a man in his late 50's. He's pathetic but l know why he does it - he wants everyone to think he's the cleverest and richest person, the truth is he is neither and it hurts him. I answer him back with 'oh, really?' or a stare and he shuts up.

It hurts but it also makes me laugh that he has to resort to being like it, it's jealousy and it's his own problem to deal with, not mine.

joeblack066

When I was working full time while struggling in an abusive marriage, along with 4 children & 3 stepchildren, one colleague used to be really vile to me because I didn't join them in their regular drinking sessions. She would make disparaging comments about me and to me. I just ignored them because I felt that her needing to put me down meant that she was just trying to justify some aspect of herself that she really didn't like, but didn't want to admit. She stopped eventually, when it failed to get a rise out of me. X

tesuhoha

I would say 'No one should make personal remarks about other people unless they are absolutely perfect themselves' (implying she is not).

I had this when I was about 16. A work colleague constantly criticised my cheap clothes, rubbish appearance and everything else. I took it all meekly until one day we were sitting in a group at teabreak and she started going on about my plastic handbag (it was actually) but this infuriated me more than anything else. I let rip at her and turned everything she had said about me round to her. There was a shocked silence as I gave her a piece of my mind in front of all the other girls. They were surprised that little meek me retaliated. She never said anything about me again. Stand up to bullies.

tesuhoha

Or you could just ask very casually 'Are you going through the menopause, dear?'

elona

I was going to suggest "are you feeling poorly today pet??"

While meaning "Are you having a hot flush, you nasty old bat!"

Funky_Bold_Ribena

tesuhoha wrote: »

Or you could just ask very casually 'Are you going through the menopause, dear?'

elona wrote: »

I was going to suggest "are you feeling poorly today pet??"

While meaning "Are you having a hot flush, you nasty old bat!"

These are all very well, but they could easily be construed by the beeyatch as the OP bullying her.

Tom1234

Two things you need to do here.

1. Tell your manager that there is an issue, and that you are going to speak to the person involved. That way, if they kick off and suggest you're the one causing the problem, you've already told someone about it.

2. Speak to the person making the comments away from the 'shop floor' where you work, and make them aware that they are upsetting you, and that you are speaking to them to ask them to stop.

If they make light of it, or refuse to do so, then go and speak to your manager and let them know.

lulu650

Tom1234 wrote: »

.....
2. Speak to the person making the comments away from the 'shop floor' where you work, and make them aware that they are upsetting you, and that you are speaking to them to ask them to stop.

I'm not madly keen on going down a formal route before trying to resolve workplace issues informally.

I do remember putting my foot into with a group discussion where I came across as less than supportive towards a work colleague. I had strong feelings about an issue but could have worded things better. He came to me straight away afterwards to say that he was surprised and upset by my comments but took onboard that I must have felt very upset at the time because it was so unlike me. Basically a polite way of telling me what a cow I was!

Very embarassing for me but he then steered the conversation onto other things to smooth things over. Very clever too, something I always remember.

I realise this has been going on a few months bacardi66, but could you take a similar approach? Get her alone, say that you've felt upset with so many negative comments and wonder if there's anything you've done to upset her. Ask her if everything is ok. If she has one ounce of human kindness she should feel terrible.

I love a lot of the other comments, but I think you either have to be very confident to carry them off, or very, very angry! As it's been going on some time and you've done nothing yet, I'm assuming you feel uncomfortable saying anything back when there is a group of you.

Please let us know what you decide to do and if it works