Best way to deal with colleague making nasty personal comments?

bacardi66

I would love to know what other people think is the best way to deal with this, despite having worked full time since I was 18 and now being in my mid 40s it is something I have never had to suffer before.

I have worked in a large department for many years and have always got on well with my colleagues, socialised with them and made some very close friends who I see outside work, spend time with each other's families etc however I have recently started having trouble with another woman at work. I have always been friendly to her and have got on fine on a superficial level, however in the last few months she has started making nasty personal remarks to me in front of other people.

Things like, "Oh I bet you have got fat knees under your trousers" (which I actually don't have!) or "Oh dear your roots need doing" when I only got them done a week ago and so on. Ive been so taken aback that when she says these things that I have never replied but it is really getting to me, I would never make personal comments to someone whether I liked them or not. And she smiles while she says these things

I always think of cutting comebacks and witty retorts afterwards when its too late but would love to be able to say something which would just stop her as its beginning to get to me.

I have told a couple of my friends at work and they said to just ignore her as she does have personal problems but other people have personal problems without taking it out on their colleagues!

sweetme

Ouch, superbitch she is. You've done well to bite your tongue so far, I certainly wouldn't have.

It shows her insecurities though. People who feel the need to make nasty digs at others are either jealous/or completely lacking of their own self esteem.

You need a retort, once that will cut her dead. Thinking cap on

elsien

I would appreciate it if you would keep your personal opinions on my appearance to yourself, I would prefer not to hear them. Thank you.

Said with a smile.

Witty retorts and sarcasm have a tendency to either be misinterpreted or to make things worse. Better to be upfront without being dragged into silliness, or it gets a bit reminiscent of the playground.

duchy

A pitying look and the slightly at a tangent "Oh bless you dear" will confuse the heck out of her and make her look really stupid if she's nasty back when you've been super nice when she's made a biatchy comment.

If she doesn't get a reaction and you appear oblivious she'll soon give it up.

browneyedbazzi

The first step has to be to talk to the woman - not a witty response to a comment from her but a quiet word at another time to explain that you don't appreciate the comments she's making and ask her to stop. She may not realise she's doing it or think she's funny etc, the only way she'll know there's a problem is if you say something. The longer you wait to say something the more awkward it will be and she's likely to take your silence on the subject as consent to carry on.

Quasar

Just ask her, with an angelic smile: "Do you feel better about yourself now that you said that?". Do that every time she makes her remarks, whether alone or in front of others. She won't like you for it but she'll leave you alone eventually.

Stephb1986_2

Quasar wrote: »

Just ask her, with an angelic smile: "Do you feel better about yourself now that you said that?". Do that every time she makes her remarks, whether alone or in front of others. She won't like you for it but she'll leave you alone eventually.

I agree with this one it was better than my suggestion of I might have fat knees but you have a fat mouth

hahahahah

Steph xx

Kynthia

I'd just say "that was rude" or "that's a bit personal" after she says those things. As it will be in front of others it will make it clear that you don't think it's funny and others will notice if she does it a lot. Also you aren't being nasty so no one will think badly of you.

vroombroom

have you looked in the mirror recently?
Oh, it was cracked?

kitrat

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I agree with this one it was better than my suggestion of I might have fat knees but you have a fat mouth

hahahahah

Steph xx

I don't know, I like that one!

scrappie_2

Something along the lines of - well, thanks for drawing attention to my faults in public. But now that you have - where do you get yours done?? / you show mw yours and I'll show you mine!