Birthday gift ideas for an 11 year old ?! Help!

victory

Troutwrestler wrote: »

Tbf... It's a bit out of order to call my daughter a brat! You don't know her..stroppy madam yes.... Spoilt.....yes... But she has a heart of gold.

Also..I would like to point out I spend all my time with my children...I take them swimming and to park several times a week..I read them stories...just beacause I buy her things doesn't mean I,m not there emotionally or physically.

She is stroppy because she is never settled, she always wants the latest, always wants more, never happy with what she already has, has to think about the next thing that supposedly will make her happy and it will not because that emotion is a bottomless pit of misery because there is no end to it....

I'm glad you interact with them,that is great that is all they need and the odd gift here and there, what is xmas like?

balletshoes

Troutwrestler wrote: »

Tbf... It's a bit out of order to call my daughter a brat! You don't know her..stroppy madam yes.... Spoilt.....yes... But she has a heart of gold.

Also..I would like to point out I spend all my time with my children...I take them swimming and to park several times a week..I read them stories...just beacause I buy her things doesn't mean I,m not there emotionally or physically.

Trout you,ve said yourself she,s ungrateful, strops and complains, and demands certain things and some things just are not good/expensive enough for her ~ at age 10. If thats not bratty behaviour what is?

victory

Troutwrestler wrote: »

But a meal out or my family is one thing we do several times a week..not special occasions..so even to me that wouldn't seem special. I go shopping and buy myself things every week... So she is used to that...

Every family is different.

Indeed. So you go out several times a week for dinner? With vouchers? Expensive places? Seems a lot of money is spent per week , perfectly fine, I cannot do that but yes every family is different.

Birdie85

It's obvious that you're going to cave and get her exactly what she wants which is a shame because she's going to turn into (more of) a spoilt little madam as she gets older and the demands increase. She's already got more than I have and she's not even started secondary school!

I have to say that you sound proud of how spoilt your DD is too. There's no reason to brag that your pre-teen has been handed so many luxury goods at such a young age and she doesn't even realise the value of them. Have you ever used the Demotivator tool? Maybe it will help you both to put in the price of some of these gifts she demands to see just how many hours you/your partner have to work to pay for these treats.

I was pretty spoilt as a youngster and knew the value of nothing - although I can never remember having massive strops because my parents said no! It was a huge shock to the system when I suddenly had to start paying for the expensive clothes etc I used to ask for without a second's thought. Thankfully I grew up before gadgets were quite so prolific and had to save up for my first mobile phone as my parents had started to pull back at this point and having to do things like that helped me realise that everything has a cost. The same happened when I wanted designer clothes, my Mum would buy them but then dock my allowance for so many months until I'd 'paid' for it... I was bored of the item by the time I'd paid it off and learned that it's just not worth it!

Troutwrestler

victory wrote: »

She is stroppy because she is never settled, she always wants the latest, always wants more, never happy with what she already has, has to think about the next thing that supposedly will make her happy and it will not because that emotion is a bottomless pit of misery because there is no end to it....

I'm glad you interact with them,that is great that is all they need and the odd gift here and there, what is xmas like?

Xmas is if I'm honest something I plan for all year...it involves numerous trips and thousands of pounds spent....(that I have saved all year...I don't get into any debt)

*mudangel*

Can totally understand your wanting to see your girl happy on her birthday - I've a daughter of a very similar age!

However, it sounds like, although you love her dearly, that you do worry your DD's demands are spiralling out of control. You can put your foot down (it'll be tough and she might not take well to it), but ultimately you'll probably be doing her a favour. In life, you don't always get your own way and sometimes you have to learn to accept that.

My daughter's school ran a '1-2-3 Magic Parenting' course some years ago. DD was proving a handful at the time, and it REALLY worked. Put me firmly back in control, I earned DD's respect again and the whole family was happier. Might be something to check out?

Anyway, hope you don't think I'm judging you on your parenting! It can be hard enough at the best of times to do the right thing. Just hope that maybe the suggestion helps.

Troutwrestler

balletshoes wrote: »

Trout you,ve said yourself she,s ungrateful, strops and complains, and demands certain things and some things just are not good/expensive enough for her ~ at age 10. If thats not bratty behaviour what is?

As I have said I have noticed the ungrateful ness and I'm going to put a stop to that.

Her behaviour is lot like mine, I'm a feisty madam..but I had some respect for my parents so I don't want her to lose that.

As for the eating out question....no I don't use vouchers..we are taking pub meals...not expensive restaurants..so really not that expensive at all

Troutwrestler

*mudangel* wrote: »

Can totally understand your wanting to see your girl happy on her birthday - I've a daughter of a very similar age!

However, it sounds like, although you love her dearly, that you do worry your DD's demands are spiralling out of control. You can put your foot down (it'll be tough and she might not take well to it), but ultimately you'll probably be doing her a favour. In life, you don't always get your own way and sometimes you have to learn to accept that.

My daughter's school ran a '1-2-3 Magic Parenting' course some years ago. DD was proving a handful at the time, and it REALLY worked. Put me firmly back in control, I earned DD's respect again and the whole family was happier. Might be something to check out?

Anyway, hope you don't think I'm judging you on your parenting! It can be hard enough at the best of times to do the right thing. Just hope that maybe the suggestion helps.

Thanks. I know I need to reign her in somewhat....but goodness..I'm not looking forward to the backlash :rotfl:

axxxl

I don't mean this in a rude way at all but I do think you've gone a bit overboard with the luxuries for an 11 year old.

I'm 20 years old, working full time and still living at home (so I have a fair bit of money to myself) and wouldn't dream of spending that amount of money on a phone, especially as you said she'd only use it to call two people.

The meal out and shopping trip (maybe cinema with some of her friends?) is what I'd consider a decent birthday present for someone of that age. If she doesn't like it then put your foot down. She needs to learn that she can't have everything now or she'll get even worse as she hits mid teens. You need to sit her down and teach her the value of money, because it'll be on your back if you don't.

lostinrates

Troutwrestler wrote: »

I completely agree. But unfortunately I can't say no to her,
I have thought about a zoo keeper for a day experience? I think she would like that as part of her present

I think saying no to her is the very best, kindest and most wonderful present you could give her.

You are setting her up for a life of disappointment, lack of fulfilment and inability to appreciate love and gesture and rather than monetary value.

I would definitely give her something of a decent size, but something that starts to teach her about delayed gratification (less shopping and fewer gadgets and perhaps she could afford a shared pony or a horse later on) or something that will give her a skill over summer, a course.